Evangelism and Marriage

My name is Matthew Capone, and I'm the pastor here at Cheyenne Mountain Presbyterian Church,

and it's my joy to bring God's word to you today.

I'm going to jump right in this morning.

You know, often I'll kind of give you guys a little bit of an introduction, but we have a lot to cover.

And I want to honor your time and our time together and make sure I keep this on focus.

And so I'm just going to remind you that we're in the book of 1 Peter,

and the book of 1 Peter is a book about people who are living in a world where they feel out of place

because they follow after Jesus, and they're facing opposition because they follow after Jesus as well.

And we have seen several key principles over the last several weeks,

and these key principles have been applied in multiple situations.

So key principle number one, 1 Peter 2, 9, you're a priesthood.

And as a priesthood, you're proclaiming God's excellencies to the world,

and you're representing God to the world.

So people learn about God because of you and the way that you behave.

Second, so that's principle number one, priesthood.

We represent God to the world.

Principle number two, we want to have honorable conduct so that when people speak against us as evildoers,

they still see the good that we're doing, and that's 1 Peter 2, verse 12.

1 Peter 2:12

We want them to see what we're doing, and that would lead them to know God and glorify God.

And then finally, we're told in 1 Peter 2, 17, to honor everyone.

And those three principles are what we've been going through the last several weeks,

so we've applied those to government.

How do we relate to our government in such a way that people know Jesus more because of us?

How do we relate to our government in such a way that even though they speak against us,

they can see our good deeds and they glorify God because of it?

How can we interact with government in a way that we honor everyone?

Last week, we talked about masters and slaves, and we applied it to employment.

How can we work in the workplace in such a way that people come to know Jesus?

How can we work in the workplace in such a way that people honor and glorify God?

How can we work in the workplace in a way that we honor everyone?

And this week, we're going to continue those principles,

and we're going to apply them to a different situation.

So rather than government, rather than the workplace,

we're now going to be talking about how this applies to marriage.

How in marriage, and it's not going to be just marriage in general,

it's going to be a very specific situation.

This passage is talking to Christian women who are married to non-Christian men.

It's a passage about Christian women who are married to non-Christian men,

and how can they apply these principles as well.

These principles of being a priesthood,

principles of doing good and bringing honor and glory to God,

and then also principles of honoring everyone.

Now, if you were in the new members class last week,

you heard me tell this joke, but most of you didn't hear it,

so I'm going to share it with you.

Stories told of a pastor who was single,

and he taught a Sunday school class on parenting.

And the class was called Ten Commandments of Parenting.

Now, later along, he got married, and he had a kid,

and he taught the class again.

And this time, the title changed slightly.

It wasn't the Ten Commandments of Parenting.

It was actually the Five Commandments of Parenting.

Now, that was when he had one child.

Later on, he and his wife went on to have more children.

They had maybe four or five.

And he finally taught the class a third time.

And the title changed one more time.

It was gone from Ten Commandments on Parenting

to Five Commandments on Parenting.

And then finally, it was a few suggestions about parenting.

I'm going to preach to you about Christian marriage,

and I'm a single man.

And our hope is not in me as a preacher.

Our hope is in God's word that it's good,

and he has something to say to us.

I've also thought about this this week,

and I realized it's not in the cards for me

to ever be a Christian woman married to a non-Christian man.

And so no matter what happens to me,

I will never be in this situation

that we're going to look at this morning.

And yet, God has given us his word.

He's given it to instruct us how to live in this world,

and it is good for us.

And so that's our hope as we come to it,

not in our preacher,

but in our Father God that we would hear his voice.

And that's our prayer every Sunday.

And so it's with that that we come to 1 Peter.

We're all the way in chapter 3 now,

and we're going to be starting at verse 1.

And as we come to this, remember that this is God's word.

And God tells us that his word is more precious than gold,

even the finest gold,

and that it is sweeter than honey,

even honey that comes straight from the honeycomb.

And so that's why we read now,

starting in chapter 3, verse 1.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands,

so that even if some do not obey the word,

they may be won without a word

by the conduct of their wives.

When they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Verse 3.

Do not let your adorning be external,

the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry,

or the clothing you wear,

but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart

with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,

which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God

used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands.

As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.

And you are her children if you do good

and do not fear anything that is frightening.

I invite you to pray with me as we come to this portion of God's word.

Father in heaven, we thank you that our hope is in you,

and our hope is that you speak clearly to us through your word.

We thank you that you speak clearly to us

about the hope and confidence we have in Jesus Christ

and his sacrifice on our behalf.

And we also thank you that you haven't left us alone

to wonder how to live,

but you've given us your word to speak.

And so we ask that you would speak clearly to us,

that we would understand what it is that you want us to know

and to believe and to live.

And we ask these things not because we have earned them or deserve them,

but because Jesus has earned them and deserve them for us.

And so we ask them in his name.

Amen.

I want you to imagine with me for a little bit.

So I was a classics major in college,

which means I studied a lot about ancient Greece and Rome.

And this is a letter that's written to people,

as I've mentioned before,

who are living in the Roman Empire in the first century.

And I just want you to imagine this letter was written in the 60s A.D.

And I want you to imagine there's a man.

His name is Cassius, and Cassius is living in the 50s A.D.

And Cassius meets this woman, and they fall in love.

Her name's Lydia.

And they have just a wonderful marriage.

Cassius and Lydia, they are on the same page about worshiping the emperor.

They understand kind of the logic, right?

The greater someone is, the more worthy they are of worship.

She understands her role in the household,

and they're also good with the household gods.

So she follows him and the ways he leads worship,

not just out in the temples, but also in their household with the gods.

And she understands the importance of the local gods,

and she understands the importance of Jupiter and all the different ways.

But there comes a point in their marriage where things get a little difficult.

So maybe let's say they marry in 52 A.D.

And word comes to this town, whichever town it is in Asia Minor,

about this man named Jesus.

Now, Cassius isn't convinced.

He thinks this is silly.

Everyone knows you don't worship a Jewish man,

and not just a Jewish man, but a Jewish man who died on a cross.

However, Lydia is interested.

And as Lydia comes to learn more about Jesus,

she realizes this is actually something she believes.

She's been hearing from these people about the fact that Jesus died,

and not only did he die, he actually rose again from the dead,

and that he offers forgiveness of sins.

And this is something that she's wondered about for a long time.

How can the gods actually help her with the things that she feels guilty for,

and how can they help her to have true change?

And so Lydia actually converts to Christianity.

Now, this puts Cassius in a terrible situation,

because, of course, he's a good Roman man,

and like any good Roman man, as everyone knows,

it's the wife's job to worship the gods of the husband.

And so people start to talk about him and his marriage.

Now, have you heard about Cassius and Lydia?

I mean, she doesn't even go to worship the gods with him anymore.

Can you imagine?

Yeah, I'm so glad that my wife understands the importance

of really honoring the emperor.

And I just can't imagine.

I mean, you know, it's women these days.

They don't understand that you have to worship

the most powerful man available.

And obviously, this man who died on a cross, he's a joke.

I mean, not only did he live as just a middle-class person,

but he died the worst death possible.

I mean, how ignorant do you have to be

to worship someone like that?

There's this talk maybe going around.

There's something subversive.

There's a sense in which Lydia's being rebellious.

She's refusing to worship the gods.

She's going out to these Christian worship services,

and potentially, Cassius is wondering,

what does she do?

Is she looking for another spouse?

How do I know that she's going to be pure in her conduct

when she's out in the house?

I'm certainly not going to go hang out with the Christians.

I wouldn't be caught dead, seen with a group like that.

However, he ends up talking about it with his friend, Marcellus.

Now, Marcellus has a wife named Cassia.

And Marcellus is a great confidant.

You know, Cassius feels really ashamed

because he can't get his wife to worship his gods.

It makes him feel like less of a man.

It's like he can't run his household well.

And Marcellus, you know, sympathizes with him.

He's like, I'm so glad that my wife worships the gods.

She doesn't have a problem with this.

Like, she understands the logic of the world.

We worship powerful men.

We worship emperors.

There's more than one God, too.

The Christians, they believe this crazy thing

that there's only one God, and it doesn't even make sense.

However, Marcellus has noticed something.

He said, I feel your frustration.

I can only imagine how frustrating it would be

to be married to a woman who wouldn't come

to worship Jupiter with me.

However, I've been talking to my wife,

and she said a lot of things about your wife

have really changed.

You know, it used to be when your wife would show up

to hang out with the other women,

she would tell them every mistake you had made.

And she would share about kind of,

I mean, I even knew some of the stuff.

Do you remember that time we talked?

Yeah, you remember that.

We won't talk about that.

And not only that, you know,

she used to be spending all your money

on these fine clothes and going out.

And it seems like, I mean,

it seems like she's really been working hard

to just be the best spouse possible.

So on the one hand, like,

I can kind of understand your struggle,

but then there are times,

don't tell anyone I said this to you.

There are times I wonder,

maybe I want a Christian wife, too.

Now, I wouldn't say that publicly.

I wouldn't say it publicly.

But, you know, my wife is still going out,

and when she, I mean,

we're having all this conflict,

and she still, every time we have an argument,

she goes out and she tells everyone about it.

I mean, on the one hand, you're dishonored

because your wife won't worship the gods with you.

On the other hand, I'm dishonored

just because of my wife's behavior.

I mean, she just, I'm trying,

but it's not been working.

That is the situation that this passage is addressing.

We've talked about the fact that the Christians

who are receiving this letter

feel out of place in the world.

Some of them don't just feel out of place in the world.

They feel out of place in their marriages,

and they feel out of place in their marriages

because they are married to men who are not Christians,

and being married to a man who's not a Christian

and practicing as a Christian means

that what they're doing looks like

they're being rebellious to their husbands,

and so Peter's giving them advice

in the same way that he's given everyone advice

about how to interact with the government,

in the same way that he's given slaves advice

about how to interact with masters,

he's also giving these women advice

about how to interact with their non-Christian husbands.

How can you give honor and glory to God in your marriage?

That's the specific context here.

Now, he is addressing all women generally.

He says in verse one,

wives, be subject to your husbands.

He's addressing all wives,

but then he says,

so that even if some do not obey the word,

in other words, they're not Christians,

they may be one without a word.

The goal then, the goal that he's focusing on,

even though he's talking to Christian,

women who are married to Christians and non-Christians,

his goal here is to talking to women

married to non-Christians.

This is how they're going to win their husbands for Christ.

This is going along with 1 Peter 2.12.

This is the good deeds that they're gonna act out.

They're gonna lead people to honor and glorify God.

Now, of course, this doesn't just happen

in the ancient Roman world.

It also happens today.

About 10 years ago,

I went on a mission trip for a summer to Ireland,

and one of the things they had us do

while we were working at this church

is they said, you know,

we really want you to have lunch

with a different family every Sunday

so you get to know different people in the church.

And one Sunday, we went over to lunch,

and there was something kind of strange in the air.

We are at this house,

this man and this woman,

and the man just,

he seemed angry.

He seemed, he was just mean.

I mean, he started making fun of Americans.

He told us, you know, in America,

I hear they only drink blue milk,

not white milk.

We're like, we don't know what that is.

We've never heard of blue milk before.

I mean, the man was annoyed.

And we found out later,

this man wasn't a Christian.

Here's his Christian wife

trying to show hospitality to her church,

kind of against what her husband would like.

And later, the pastor shared with us

that this is common.

It's common in Europe

because like many places in the world,

there's a shortage of marriageable Christian men.

And so there's a temptation,

as we talked about in Nehemiah,

for a woman saying,

well, I'm either not gonna be married

or I'm gonna be married to a non-Christian.

And so this is a live situation.

It's a live situation in the ancient world,

and it's also a live situation today.

And so that is

the context that Peter's writing to.

He's writing to people who are disadvantaged.

So he's written to slaves.

Now he's writing to these wives,

and they're disadvantaged as well.

They're in a bad position.

They're in a bad position

because they're married to a non-Christian.

They're in a bad position culturally.

Culturally, the expectation is,

obviously, you worship the gods of your husband.

And they're in a bad position

partially because of their sex.

They just have less influence in the family

than their husband does.

And so Peter's giving them advice

about how they should live

in that difficult situation.

Just like slaves,

just like people who are under the authority

of the government,

they too also have to find a way

to be subversive.

Remember I said last week,

Christianity's not revolutionary,

it's radical.

And so they have to find a way

to be radical in their marriages

without being revolutionary.

At the same time,

deep breath, by the way.

At the same time,

this is a passage that he's writing,

not just to these specific women,

but to all women who are married.

And he's telling them how to interact,

not just with any man, right?

Verse one, but your own husbands.

Now, you might be thinking at this point,

well, Matthew, that's great.

You explained to us last week

how Peter wasn't actually advocating for slavery.

He was just telling them

how to operate within slavery.

Hear what you're saying there,

and I hear what you're saying here.

He's not actually advocating

for there being any kind of hierarchy

of authority in marriage.

He's just telling them

this is the way it is culturally,

and they also,

just like slavery was wrong,

they need to operate within this wrong system.

There's only two problems at that.

Problem number one,

he actually addresses all wives here.

He says, verse one,

wives, some of you have husbands

who don't obey the word.

And then secondly,

in the book of Ephesians,

Paul writes,

and he talks about the relationship

between men and women

who are both Christians.

And he talks about it

not from a cultural standpoint,

but from a theological standpoint.

And so we're gonna talk about that this morning.

And I'm gonna say up front,

this is a challenging topic.

And like I say,

every time we come to a challenging topic,

I'm not gonna say everything,

I'm gonna say something.

And I'm always happy to talk more afterwards.

I understand many of you

may disagree with me on this,

but this is what God is telling us

in his word in 1 Peter chapter three,

and so we're gonna jump in.

Multiple situations, right?

People who are married to Christians,

people who are married to non-Christians.

God teaches in his word,

God has set up,

in the way that he set up the world,

he set up a chain of command in the family.

God has given responsibility to lead his family.

That's why it says here in verse one,

your own husband.

His wife is his closest

and most valued ally in that leadership.

However, that leadership ultimately falls

on the shoulders of the husband.

And so it's not a leader-follower situation.

Don't think of it that way.

I don't think there's some truth to that.

I don't think that's the most helpful way

to think about it.

There's some terms that have come out now

in leadership theories and books

where people will talk about first chair leaders

and second chair leaders,

which means often there's two leaders.

One of them has ultimate responsibility,

but the other one has tremendous power

and responsibility as well.

So you could think about a president

and a vice president.

You could think about a pastor

and an assistant pastor.

You could think about a major versus a colonel

or a major versus a captain.

There's leadership involved with everyone.

However, there's someone

who also has greater authority

and greater responsibility.

Both of those are true.

So, and I'm not gonna use

the word complementarian, by the way,

because first of all,

that's something that didn't even come around

and that's a word in a category

that wasn't used until the 1970s or 1980s.

It's not always helpful.

So I'm just gonna talk in terms of leadership.

First chair leader, second chair leader.

I think that's gonna, first of all,

make a little bit more sense

and it's gonna help us resolve

some of the objections

and some of the concerns

about what it is the Bible teaches us

about Christian marriage.

Second of all, both people, men and women,

have equal value and dignity.

And we know this intuitively

in leadership positions.

When I was a teacher,

I had principals over me.

They had authority over me.

Many of them, most of them were women.

I never thought, well, I'm just a teacher

and they're a principal.

So obviously they have more worth

and dignity as a person, right?

They had more authority.

There's no difference in our worth

and dignity as a person.

If you're in the military,

you might think, okay, I'm a captain.

This person's a major.

That doesn't mean that person

has more authority than you do

or they have more authority.

It doesn't mean they have more dignity

or value than you do.

And so that's the idea

that the Bible that gives us,

the model that the Bible gives us for marriage.

It's a family.

God's given responsibility

and authority to the husband.

By the way, it's not just authority,

it's responsibility.

Remember in Genesis, very beginning,

Adam and Eve sin.

Who does God go to talk to first?

Goes and talks to Adam.

Adam, what have you done?

So there's two sides to this coin, right?

It's not just, okay,

this man has more authority in the household.

Also, this man's gonna have to answer to God

for how he leads his household.

By the way, we're gonna talk about that next week.

I've saved, this is gonna be next week,

the first time at this church

I've ever preached a whole sermon on one verse.

So if you're wondering

why we're just talking about wives,

just wait for next week.

1 Peter 3, chapter 3, verse 7.

God has also set up the family in such a way

that men seem to have an extra level

of influence and responsibility.

Now, you can argue with me about this.

There's some secular researchers

named John and Julie Gottman

who do marriage research.

They are not Christians at all.

They're just observing what happens in relationships.

Part of their finding is

relationships rise and fall

ultimately based on what the man does.

Doesn't mean women don't have influence

and responsibility.

Just means that men have

an extra level of influence.

If you don't believe me,

ask someone who's married.

Ask a wife who's married

who's tried to get her family

to head in a different direction

but her husband doesn't agree with her.

Okay?

If you don't believe me, just ask.

So that's the baseline.

So another deep breath.

Then we have to talk about this

that raises all kinds of questions, right?

What does this mean?

What does it not mean?

There are two ways we can err on this.

One way we can err

is we can make it mean

something really strange and weird.

The other way we can err

is by making it mean nothing at all

and explaining it away.

So first of all, what does it not mean?

Let's avoid it being strange and weird.

It does not mean

there are no boundaries in a marriage.

If you don't know what I'm talking about,

there's a wonderful series of books

by a man named John Townsend

and a man named Henry Cloud

who've written a book called Boundaries.

They wrote another book

called Boundaries in Marriage.

I strongly encourage everyone

to read those books.

If you grew up in a family

or you were in a marriage

where there are not good boundaries,

it will be a painful read.

And it will be worth it.

So this doesn't mean

there aren't boundaries.

And this is part of why

I'm gonna talk in terms of

first chair leaders

and second chair leaders.

Like in any leadership situation,

just because someone

has more authority

doesn't mean they don't have

boundaries around them.

Okay, so it doesn't mean that.

It's be subject to.

It's not the word obey.

So in the Bible,

when it addresses children,

it tells children you need to obey.

It tells wives,

be subject to your husband.

Different word.

Not the same thing.

Finally, this goes along.

Well, not finally.

We're going all along the list.

This is in the list of boundaries.

It doesn't mean you never say no.

Again, if you're a wife.

One of the great things

about this passage

is at the end,

it tells us that Sarah

is our model.

Now, if you're familiar

with the story

of the Old Testament,

you know that Sarah

was not a mousy little yes woman.

In fact, there were times

that Sarah told Abraham no.

Now, there are,

we're gonna have to,

you're gonna have to work

with me a little bit culturally

because this is something

that we don't struggle with today

but that people struggle with

in the ancient Near East.

So just go with me.

In the ancient Near East,

whether you can believe it or not,

sometimes husbands and wives

would have disagreements

about the appropriate way

to raise their children.

Now, I know that doesn't happen anymore

but it happened with Abraham and Sarah.

And at one point

in Genesis chapter 21,

Genesis 21 · chapter mention

you can go read it later,

Abraham and Sarah

have a disagreement

about how to raise their kids.

Sarah basically tells Abraham no.

Now, you're gonna want,

wives, you're gonna wanna write

this one down.

Genesis 21, 12,

this is your verse.

God comes to Abraham

and he says,

and I quote,

whatever Sarah says to you,

do as she tells you.

I took that out of context.

There's your verse.

Now, sometimes Abraham

needed to tell Sarah no

and he didn't.

If you read the story of Genesis,

you know,

there's a time when Sarah

came to Abraham

and she gave him this idea.

It was not a good idea

and he did it

and it didn't end well.

Peter, as we've talked about,

was deeply flawed and imperfect.

Sarah and Abraham's marriage

was also deeply flawed

and imperfect.

And Peter says,

if you wanna know

what this looks like,

look to Sarah.

So it doesn't mean

there aren't any boundaries.

It doesn't mean

you don't say no.

It doesn't,

and also does not mean

you put up with abuse.

Okay, we don't use this passage

in any way

to justify abuse

and I'm gonna give you

strong arguments

from various sides.

First of all,

we've already talked about abuse

in this book.

The very previous section,

the assumption is

that slaves are actually

going to be abused.

Remember he says,

you might be beaten unjustly.

That doesn't appear

in this section

because even the pagans know

abuse isn't okay.

Second of all,

tolerating abuse

doesn't make you

a good follower.

There's a passage

later in this book

where it says,

it uses the same exact word

and it says,

young men,

be subject to the elders.

Now, if you saw

one of our elders

and there was a young man

and that elder

was just yelling at him

and then the elder

got so angry

that he punched the wall

and the drywall went in,

you wouldn't say,

yeah, you just need

to be subject to that.

Man, that person's

doing such a good job

being subject to the elders.

No, you would say,

that's ridiculous.

That person has no boundaries, right?

So this is not a passage,

I'm just gonna camp out

on this for a second,

and this is not a passage

that means stay

in an abusive situation.

That's why I'm using

these leadership terms

because that wouldn't make sense

in any other leadership situation.

We talked last week,

I said, be a good employee.

No one in their right mind

would say,

yeah, one of the best ways

you can be a good employee

and witness for Jesus

is by just putting up

with whatever abuse

your employer throws at you.

Same thing's true

in this situation.

Whatever makes sense

in another leadership situation,

apply it to this situation.

That helps us get out

of some of the strange questions

that come up with these things.

Okay, and people always ask

all kinds of questions now.

Okay, how does this apply

in real life?

Does this mean

that the husband has to do X

and the wife has to do X

and this person can only do this

and this person can only do that?

I'm not gonna answer

all those questions,

I'm just gonna give you

the same paradigm.

What would be appropriate

in any other leadership situation

where there's a first chair leader

and a second chair leader?

Does this mean,

people ask this,

does this mean

that the husband

has to manage the finances?

I'm not gonna answer

that question for you.

Is that something

that's required

in any other leadership situation

with a first chair leader

and a second chair leader?

I'll let you figure that out

on your own.

By the way,

Peter doesn't tell these people

exactly what it looks like.

He leaves it to them

to figure out

how to be subject

to their own husbands.

So that's all,

that's what it doesn't mean.

So one temptation

is to make it seem,

mean something very weird

and very strange.

The other temptation

is to make it mean

nothing at all.

Except Peter actually says,

be subject to your husbands.

So what does it mean?

It means be the best ally

that you can.

Be the best second chair leader

that you can

to a first chair leader.

Support,

this goes back

to what we talked about

last week with employers,

support the leadership

of your husband

as much as possible

within reason.

Support the leadership

of your husband

as much as you can

as possible

within reason.

Second,

the authority

that God gives to husbands

is a real authority.

There might come a time

in your marriage

where you guys disagree.

And godliness means

you're going to move forward

as a couple

without sabotaging

your husband,

without undermining him.

And Peter tells us

that kind of action

is so powerful

that it could call someone

who's not a Christian

to come to know Jesus.

Imagine how much more powerful

it is when your spouse

already knows Jesus.

So it doesn't mean

we put up with abuse,

there's no boundaries,

we don't say no.

It also means

support your husband's leadership

as much as possible.

And sometimes

there will be times

when you disagree

and there has to be

a decision that's made.

In your disagreement,

support your husband

as much as possible.

Now again,

like we said last week

and previous weeks,

it doesn't mean you do things

that are immoral,

unethical,

that goes along

with the boundaries conversation.

But that's what Peter's

talking about here

when he says,

verse one,

be subject to your own husbands

so that they may be won

without a word.

In other words,

you're going to win them

by your conduct,

not by constantly telling them

about Christianity.

When they see the way

that you act.

Now we have a lot

to talk about this morning

and I've already said

lots and lots of words,

so I'm just going to say

a few things briefly

about these verses

that come next.

Verse three,

don't let your adorning

be external,

the braiding of hair,

putting on of gold jewelry,

the clothing you wear,

some translations say

fine clothing,

but let your adorning

be the hidden person

of the heart

with the imperishable beauty

of a gentle and quiet spirit

which in God's sight

is precious.

What all of those things

have in common,

the fine hair

and the gold jewelry

and the clothing,

all of those things

are very expensive.

In other words,

the focus

should not be

showing off to other people

how much money you have.

He's not saying

you need to dress

as frumpy as possible.

He is saying

you're in a first century context

and there's lots of women

who use these things

to show off

how wealthy they are.

That's not what impresses God.

In fact,

this word here

where it says

at the very end

of verse four,

beauty of a gentle

and quiet spirit

which in God's sight

is very precious.

Precious is a hard word

in English.

What that means

actually is very valuable.

Don't wear expensive clothes.

Have an expensive character

is what he's saying.

Put your time

and your effort

and your resources

into your character,

not into going around

and showing off

to everyone

how much wealth

you have.

Also,

sometimes women

who dress this way

are doing it

for more reasons

than just to show off

their wealth.

They were showing

that maybe

they were interested

in someone other

than their current husband

being their husband.

So don't dress

in such a way

that you want everyone

to know how wealthy

you are

and also don't dress

in such a way

that your husband

has to wonder

whether you're looking

for a new spouse.

That's all I'm going to say

about those verses.

Okay.

Verses five and six.

We've talked about this before.

This is an encouragement.

I've already discussed

the fact that Sarah

is our model

and he's telling this woman,

look,

you're living with

a non-Christian husband.

You're a Christian.

While you may feel

out of place

in your marriage,

you're actually part

of a long lineage

of godly women

when you do these things.

It's kind of like

what I say

before the confession of faith.

We're confessing

with people

throughout the centuries.

Peter says,

look,

you might feel very alone

in your marriage right now

because your husband's

not a Christian.

When you try to be

the best wife you can

to bring him to Jesus,

you're part of centuries

of godly women.

You're part of that community now.

So,

and I think this is

one of the main points

of verses five and six,

be encouraged.

Be encouraged.

Sarah sets the example.

All these things

about calling him Lord,

submitting to their own husbands,

essentially what Peter's saying

is,

everything I've said before,

Sarah did that.

Submitting to her own husband,

Sarah did that,

so do what Sarah did.

If you want to see

what Sarah did,

go back and read

Genesis in the late teens

and 20s,

mid-teens and 20s.

In other words,

you're in your family right now,

you're out of place,

but you're part of a larger family.

Okay,

another deep breath.

I'm going to give you guys

a bunch of applications,

so that's all the explanation

I have for you

for this passage.

If you are a woman

and you're married

to a non-Christian,

same thing last week

about employees,

be the best wife you can.

God uses that

to bring your husband

to faith in Christ.

And he's also pointing

out another principle,

sometimes family members

are the hardest ones

to talk about

the gospel with.

What's going to win,

you all know this,

not just in marriage relationships,

but in other family relationships.

Sometimes,

if you're closely related

to someone,

you might be the last person

who's able to speak

with influence about that.

So be subversive.

What do you have to work with?

Impress them

with your character.

Remember,

I told you that story earlier,

Cassius,

he's just,

hey,

there's some things

that are hard,

but man,

things have really gotten

a lot better too

when my wife's become

a Christian.

If you are a woman,

not married to a non-Christian,

but married to a Christian,

your husband is imperfect

and flawed

in many ways.

Elrond was not wrong

when he said,

men are weak.

And,

praise God

that you're married

to a Christian.

There are worse things

than being married

to someone

that has faith

in Jesus Christ.

Praise God

that your weak,

flawed,

imperfect,

Elrond husband

loves Jesus.

And,

if a Christian woman

can affect

a non-Christian man

so much

by supporting

his leadership,

how much more

are you able

to support yours?

Peter's calling

these women

who are in a difficult

situation

to support their husbands.

How much more

can you support

a Christian husband?

If you're a woman

married to a non-Christian

or a Christian,

do whatever you can

to support

your husband's leadership.

Do anything

a good supportive

follower would do.

Do anything

a good second chair leader

would do

to support

a first chair leader.

That includes,

hey,

maybe you're problem solving.

Maybe you're telling them

things that you think

might be problematic

about their plans.

It doesn't mean

that you're a yes woman.

Maybe it means

that you are keeping

your disagreements private

instead of spreading

them out to everyone.

I'll make one other

application point here.

One way

you can be subject

to your husband

is by not letting

everyone in the church

know about

your husband's

previous failures.

And not making sure

everyone knows

every time

you guys have

a disagreement.

That's one way

to honor your husband.

It's the same thing

we do in other parts

of leadership.

There are times

when we as elders

of this church

we don't all agree

on something.

But we don't go out

and advertise

to everyone

the things

that we disagree about.

Now,

I'm not saying

don't tell anyone.

One of the things

Satan loves

more than anything else

is to isolate people.

And so I'm not saying

don't talk to anyone

about the struggles

in your marriage.

What I am saying

is talk to someone

rather than everyone.

Talk to someone

rather than everyone.

By the way,

who does the Bible say?

It's Bible trivia for you.

I've got a Bible trivia question

and then a Cheyenne

Mountain trivia question.

Who does the Bible say

should teach women

how to be good spouses?

To be good wives.

Does the Bible say

pastors should teach women

how to be good wives?

Shake your head.

Does the Bible say

that husbands

should teach their wives

how to be good wives?

Shake your head.

Who is supposed

to teach women

how to be good wives?

Older women.

Titus 2.

Titus 2 is a book

written by Paul

to a pastor

telling him

how to run a church.

And he tells him

all the things

he should be telling people

and then he stops

and tells him

and if you're having

if people are having

trouble in their marriages

you go and recruit

the older women

to help the younger women.

It's not your job to go.

Brothers and sisters,

in this church

we are blessed

with an overwhelming number

of older godly women.

That's where you all

were supposed to say

praise God.

Okay, let's try this again.

In this church

we are blessed

with an overwhelming number

of older godly women.

Praise God.

I've been at churches before

where they've been praying

that they would have

older people

in their congregation

who have wisdom.

If you're struggling

in your marriage,

if you need help

knowing how to be

a good spouse,

your problem

is going to be

choosing which woman

to go and seek counsel from.

Good luck.

Now,

Cheyenne Mountain trivia.

How many

pastors' wives

do we have

at this church?

Don't say a number

right away.

Think about it.

How many?

How many?

By my count

we have at least three.

We've got

Maurice Fairbrother,

we have Nancy Carlson,

and we have

Deborah Nash,

each of whom

have spent decades

as pastors' wives.

If you want to meet

with me to talk about

how to be a good wife,

I'll come and meet with you,

but I'm bringing

Deborah with me

and she's going to do

the talking

and I'm going to take notes.

Okay?

Yeah, that was really good,

Deborah.

Can you say that again

so I can write it down?

That was great.

By the way,

we have great Sunday school

teachers in this church,

especially in our adult community.

Love Al,

love Jim,

love Chris.

Best Sunday school class

I've ever been

out of this church.

Taught by Autumn Cruz

and Deborah Nash.

If you were there,

you were there

and you know what it was like.

If you weren't there,

sorry.

Okay, finally,

if you're a single woman,

first of all,

do not marry a non-Christian.

Peter is writing

and explaining

that this is a form

of suffering.

I preached an entire sermon

in May

about why we don't marry

non-Christians.

It is still on the website.

Okay,

that's all I'm going to say.

Second,

so don't marry a non-Christian.

By the way,

when I say single women,

I'm not just talking about

women who are 22

and 35

and 47

and 67

and 82.

I am talking about women

who are also 5

and 8

and 12

and 16.

If you are not a man

and you are not married,

you are a single woman.

Congratulations.

So kids,

this is for you too.

Marry someone

who you're willing to follow.

Marry someone

whose leadership

you respect

and you're excited about.

Okay,

character trumps

everything else.

I wish for all of you

that you will find spouses

that are fun

and sexy.

However,

they also need to be leaders

that you're willing to follow.

If you're not willing

to follow them,

please don't marry them.

And then finally,

if you're a single woman,

I talked to a single woman

one time

and she told me,

I am preparing for marriage.

The way I want to prepare

for marriage

is by being

the absolute best friend

I can be

to my female friends.

That's not bad advice.

There's a friendship aspect

to marriage.

There is also,

I'm just going to say it,

there's an authority

aspect to marriage.

One way you prepare

for marriage

is by respecting

the authorities

in your life right now

as much as possible.

If you're a kid at home

and you want to have

a happy marriage

10 or 15 years from now,

respect not just your dad,

respect your dad

and your mom's leadership

as much as possible now.

Don't expect to show up

in marriage

you've been spending

your whole life,

right,

disrespecting the people

in authority over you.

Oh,

but this is going to change

the day I get married,

right?

That's not how

character formation works.

They tell missionaries,

don't expect to show up

to the field

and suddenly just start

evangelizing everyone

when you've never

shared the gospel before.

If you have a boss,

whether it's a man

or a woman,

how can you support

that person's leadership?

That's one way

you prepare for marriage.

Then for everyone,

this is the same

broad principle

that we've seen

over and over again.

We continue

to bring honor

and glory to God

through our actions.

God brings people

to faith in him

because of what we do.

It doesn't mean

that we're the ones

doing it.

It means that he uses

our actions

to bring people

to faith.

And we do it

for all the same reasons

that Peter's given to us.

We do it for the sake

of Jesus.

Jesus is the one

who's made suffering safe.

Remember,

we talked about that

last week.

When Jesus made

suffering safe,

he submitted

to the authority

of God the Father.

He said,

not your will be done,

but my will be done.

And Jesus is the one

who offers these people

hope that they don't

have to fear.

That's how this ends.

We can walk

the path of suffering.

It's a Christian

married to a non-Christian.

We can walk

the path of obedience

because our fear

is of God,

not of man.

And so our hope

is in God,

not man as well.

And so we're able

to do that

because God is the one

who gives us

our hope.

He's the one

who has suffered

before us.

He's the one

who submitted

and showed us

what it looks like.

And we honor

His authority

and we also honor

the other authorities

that we have.

I appreciate

you all's patience today.

I know this is a little bit

of a longer topic,

but it's important.

And this is why

we preach through

books of the Bible

so that we don't

skip things

that are hard

or challenging

to talk about.

And so this is

God's word.

And just in the same way

that it is every week,

it's for our good

and it's for God's glory.

And so I ask

that you pray with me

as we conclude.

Dear Father in heaven,

we thank you

for your word

that's good

even when it's hard

and challenging.

We ask that you

would use it

to help us

and strengthen us.

You'd use it

to build us up.

I ask for the marriages

in this church

that those marriages

would grow more

and more

to look like

you and your relationship

to the church.

That spouses

would be sacrificing

each for the other

and that people

would look

and they would see

the husbands

and the wives

in this church

and they would be

so struck

and want to know

more about

what it is

that makes their

marriage and their home

a place of beauty

and a place of peace.

And we ask

all these things

thankful that we

don't have to earn them

but that Jesus

has earned them for us

and so we ask them

in his name.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.