A Righteous Husband

I'm the pastor here, and it's my joy to bring God's word to you today.

As you can tell, I'm a little stuffed up, so bear with me.

It's going to slow me down a little bit, which is probably going to be good news for some

of you who are telling me I need to talk slower.

A special welcome if you're new or visiting with us today.

We're glad you're here, and we're glad you're here not because we're trying to fill seats,

but because we're following Jesus together as one community, and as we follow Jesus together,

we're convinced that there's no one so good that they don't need God's grace, and no one

so bad that they can't have it, which means that God has something to say to everyone in

his word.

We're going to jump right in like we did last week into 1 Peter chapter 3.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

We've got three principles that we've been looking at in a variety of different situations.

Remember, Peter is writing to churches in the first century.

He's writing to them that live in Asia Minor, and these churches are in duress because they're

feeling out of place in the world as Christians, and they're facing opposition from the world

because of their faith in Jesus Christ.

And so we have these three principles that he's given us that I reviewed last week.

First of all, these believers in Jesus are priests, and that means that they represent God to the

world, that people learn about God's character through the way his people live their lives.

Second of all, the chapter 2, verse 12 principle, they should have honorable conduct.

And so the way that they live in the world should cause people to bring honor and glory

to God, and in fact, may bring some people to have faith in God.

And then finally, the principle in chapter 2, verse 17, of honoring everyone, that whatever

we do, we seek as we live to bring honor to someone, whether they agree with us or not.

And so we've been looking at those three principles applied to all sorts of different situations.

We looked at the principle that applies to living as a citizen of the government.

We looked at it as it applies to, in Peter's time, being a slave, or in our time, being

an employee.

And then last week, we started the discussion of how this applies to marriage.

And I'll just start by saying this is, of course, a timely and sensitive topic, and it's timely

and sensitive.

I know that for a fact because this sermon last week generated more conversation than I think

I've ever seen in this church about one sermon.

And I've received more calls and texts and emails about it than I have in the past.

And so it just highlights that this is something that's both real for us as we live in the

world, and it's also something that can be tender and sensitive.

And we're going to continue that conversation this morning, and we're going to turn from

wives to husbands.

And as we do that, I'll say, on the one hand, women, you're off the hook.

On the other hand, there's a sense in which you're not, because this is a tender and it's

a raw topic for many people.

There's a sense in which this might bring up memories for those of us who have had experiences

with men who were not honoring and did not live in an understanding way.

And so as those memories come up, I remind you, as I do from time to time, that God's

with us, most importantly, that he's for us.

And there's a certain vulnerability, right, that we're going to talk about that comes with

living in the world in ways that are different between being a man and a woman.

If you're a parent, you know that you worry probably less about who your sons will marry

than who your daughters will marry.

Most moms don't say to their sons, well, she's going to have to come home and meet me first

while I'm cleaning my guns.

That's not a thing, right?

Because there's less of a fear because there is a certain vulnerability that happens in marriage.

So on the one hand, women, you're off the hook.

On the other hand, you're not.

Now, there's also another way we can fall off the bus.

I talked last week about the fact that there are two errors.

One, to talk about the roles in marriage and turn it into something strange or abusive.

And the other way to fall off is to make it mean nothing.

And there are some other ways that we can fall off when we talk about husbands.

It's no one will ever criticize a pastor for coming in strong on men, right?

But if you say the wrong thing about women, you know, people will come and they'll let you know.

And so there's a tendency in the evangelical church when you come to passages like this

in the American church to just shame men.

And so we can fall off on that side as well.

And that's not the goal of Peter.

And it's certainly not my goal this morning.

And so I say all that just to name that we're continuing to have a hard conversation as a family, as a church, together.

And also a hard conversation in this portion of the scripture.

And so we need God's grace.

And that's what we ask for when we pray to him every Sunday when we come to his word.

And so with that introduction, we are in 1 Peter.

And we are looking at one verse.

We're in chapter 3, verse 7.

And as we come to this, remember that this is God's word.

And God tells us that his word is more precious than gold, even the finest gold.

And it is sweeter than honey, even honey that comes straight from the honeycomb.

And so it's for that reason that we read now verse 7.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,

showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel,

since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,

so that your prayers may not be hindered.

I invite you to pray with me as we come to this portion of God's word.

Dear Father in heaven, we thank you that you don't shy away from hard topics.

We thank you that you don't just tell us things we want to hear,

but you also tell us things that we don't want to hear.

And we confess that we, in a sense, are all weak vessels,

and we need your help this morning as we come to your word.

And so we ask that you would give it to us, that you'd give us your grace,

that you'd give us your wisdom,

and you'd give us your spirit,

that we would be able to hear and understand

and believe everything that you have for us in your word.

We ask these things, and we have confidence that you'll give them to us,

not because of what we have done,

but because of what Jesus has done for us.

And so we ask this in his name.

Amen.

Now, this debate was raging more a few years ago than it is now.

It's more of a settled issue in our country,

but there was a time when I followed the gay marriage debate very closely,

partially out of just personal intellectual curiosity,

partially because of my love for the church

and my knowledge that it would affect things for us as a church

as we move forward in this society.

And so I'd follow some of the arguments that were made on both sides

as people would discuss this topic.

And one of the statistics that would get thrown around is this.

Heterosexual couples have so much to learn from homosexual couples,

and they have so much to learn because statistics show

that gay and lesbian couples have way less conflict in their marriages

than heterosexual couples.

And so there's something that these gay couples have figured out

that heterosexual couples have not figured out.

And in fact, maybe there's something that heterosexual couples could learn from them.

What do we say to that as people who are faithful and following the Bible

and what it teaches about human sexuality?

What's our response?

It's the scholars.

The scholarly response would be, duh.

Of course, of course, two men are going to get along much better than a man and a woman.

And of course, two women are going to get along much better than a man and a woman.

Tell me something else that I wouldn't have known without research.

Right?

You can't compare the two.

They're not the same thing.

Part of what is both glorious and difficult about marriage

is that it's the institution in society that forces a man and a woman

to figure out how to get along together.

And big surprise, we wouldn't have known this without statistics and research,

it actually can be very challenging for men and women to get along together.

And so there's one principle here.

I'm going to lay out several principles for you as we're coming to this,

and that's the first one.

Part of what is wonderful and beautiful about marriage,

one of the things that makes marriage such a great gift from God

is it's the one place where you can't get away

without resolving the differences between the genders, right?

That's just a basic principle up front.

We have to have that principle to look at this passage.

I'm going to say something really scandalous.

Men and women are very different.

Don't quote me on that, okay?

And it's not just that there's just generic differences

between specific men and specific women,

but there's broad differences, right?

There's things that are generally true of women

and things that are generally true of men.

I mentioned last week the research of John and Julie Gottman,

who are a couple who have done a lot of other research

based on how marriages can be healthy and people can get along,

and these are not Christian believers in any way,

as far as I'm aware.

If you go to their website, you look on their Instagram feed,

you'll find out very quickly they don't share our convictions

about marriage, about human sexuality,

and yet they look into this.

They've tried to figure out how can we help men and women get along.

So principle number one, men and women are different.

Principle two, there's specific ways in which they're different.

So John and Julie tell this story about a couple named Lynn and Mike,

and Lynn and Mike had been struggling in their marriage for about 20 years.

They couldn't figure out how to resolve their differences.

They'd gotten to a point where they felt like they couldn't understand each other,

and so kind of as a final ditch effort,

Lynn convinced Mike to go to this workshop

about helping men and women understand each other.

And so this workshop started out.

It was run by a woman, and she starts by asking a question.

She said, I'm just going to ask the men this question,

so I only want to hear the responses from the men.

And raise your hand if you don't have to do this.

This is just the story, right?

Raise your hand if you've ever feared for your life or your physical well-being.

Raise your hand if you've ever feared for your life or your physical well-being.

There's an awkward pause, right?

And a few men raise their hands.

One of them's a vet.

He says, you know, I was in Vietnam one time,

and when I was in Vietnam, there was this one moment when I feared for my life.

Another man shares a story from several decades ago when he was in a fistfight,

and he thought, maybe this could be the end of my life.

None of the men could name a single incident that was within the last 10 years.

So it was over 10, 20, 30 years ago that they had feared for their life.

The woman running the workshop then said, okay, women,

how many of you have ever feared for your life?

Every single hand went in the air.

And then she got even more specific.

How many of you have feared for your life in the last six months?

Every hand stayed up in the air.

How many of you have feared for your life in the last month?

Every hand stayed up in the air.

How many of you have feared for your life in the last week?

Every hand still remained in the air.

How many of you have feared for your life when you came in from the parking garage

to come to this workshop?

Every hand stayed in the air.

Mike realized something for the first time.

He had no idea what it was like for his wife to walk through the world as a woman.

And the reverse was also true.

At this point, Lynn had never thought about the fact that her husband never feared for his life.

And this was kind of a watershed moment in their marriage,

the way that John and Julie tell this story.

And they tell this to illustrate some of the differences between men and women in marriage

and how they understand each other.

They say this,

Mike was stunned.

He had no idea Lynn experienced fear.

He wasn't afraid, so he assumed she wasn't afraid.

That one example explains Mike changed everything between us.

I realized I had been assuming she viewed the world through the same lens I viewed the world through.

And it was eye-opening.

Lynn was just as astounded that Mike had not felt fear for his physical well-being in 30 years.

They go on to tell another story about some research done at that great Christian conservative bastion,

the University of California, Berkeley,

where they had done some research on responses to gunshots.

And so they'd put these test cases, and they'd have an unexpected gun go off behind them.

And men and women had kind of a similar response in terms of the way they immediately responded to it,

but they had a different emotional response.

Men, by and large, were very, very angry,

and some of them desired to have revenge on the person running the experiment.

Women, on the other hand, by and large, were very, very afraid.

So one instance, two different responses, right?

I highlight all of this because this is what we're looking at here in verse 7.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.

And now they break it up here in this translation,

but actually the understanding way in the Greek comes right before the phrase weaker vessel.

There's a sense.

Principle one, right?

Men and women are different.

Principle two, there are specific differences.

There's a sense in which men are like Mike, right?

Mike had never thought about the fact that his wife viewed the world in a different way than he did.

And so Peter is simply saying this.

As a husband, come to know, work to know and understand what it is like for your wife to live in the world as a woman

and understand how living in the world as a woman is very different than living in the world as a man.

And so there's certainly a physical component to this, right?

The weaker vessel here, vessels the way.

It's talking about the body.

So there's a physical component to that.

That's what I've highlighted with this story with Mike and Lynn.

The knowledge here, that's what's meant by understanding.

Live in a way, and this live word, by the way, is the word that's used of people who share a home together.

So share a home together in a way that includes your knowledge.

And it's your knowledge, specifically, of your wife.

And it's your knowledge of your wife in the sense of what it means for her to be a woman in a way that's different than you're a man.

So seek knowledge.

Grow in your knowledge.

Mike grew in his knowledge of Lynn, right?

He grew in his understanding of what it was like for her to experience the world as a woman.

Now, there's certainly a physical component to this.

There's certainly a social component to it as well.

The point of this sermon, by the way, is not to say that men are strong and women are weak.

Certainly, both men and women are strong and weak in different ways.

The point is for men who have strength in a certain way to begin to understand how that's different from the way their wives experience the world.

So as I said, there's a physical component, but there's also a social component.

We've just, last week, read a passage about wives submitting to their husbands or being subject, as the ESV translates it.

And so there's not just a physical differential.

There's also a power differential.

I had someone reach out to me this week in response to last week's sermon.

And I received permission to share this, so I don't just share things people send to me right from the pulpit.

But I asked, can I share this?

I think it would be really helpful.

Asking about, last week, the part about Sarah not fearing anything frightening.

And this is a single woman who reached out to me.

She said, that actually sounds quite terrifying.

Trusting someone, that is some other human, to take care of you, that is the wife, and having to trust his judgment and follow his lead, that, all caps, sounds terrifying.

Men don't really have to think about that kind of stuff, so may not realize how terrifying it could be.

And I thought, yeah, we don't.

Men don't naturally think about how terrifying that is.

And so that's part of the reason that this passage is so important.

Right?

If you're married, you have a husband, there's many decisions that he makes that affect you, that you're vulnerable to.

There's financial decisions.

There's parenting decisions.

There's things that affect you that can have a terrifying impact.

So I say all that to say, again, two principles.

One, men and women are different.

Two, they're different in specific ways.

And three, that means the responsibility, as Peter puts it here, is on men.

And the responsibility is on husbands to proactively seek knowledge about their wives.

To seek knowledge about what it's like to live as a woman in the world and what makes that different from living as a man.

And I'll say this, for their application, you can't have knowledge if you're not a student.

That's the only way you get knowledge.

I quoted a man several weeks ago who said Christianity's not revolutionary, but it's radical.

The same individual says this about this passage.

Husbands are scientists with a narrow field of inquiry.

Husbands are scientists with a narrow field of inquiry.

Live in an understanding way with knowledge is what that means.

Live in a way that demonstrates your knowledge of what it's like to walk through this world as a woman.

And you're going to get that knowledge by being a student.

Working on understanding, by the way, is not natural.

This is probably part of why Peter's bringing it up.

It's not natural for people in power.

So if you have authority in some way, whether you're a boss, maybe it's your pastor, maybe it's your husband and a father,

you don't naturally think, what is it like to be someone who has to follow my leadership?

That takes an extremely high level of self-awareness.

And it's easy to be unaware of the privileges that your power gives to you, the ways that it benefits you,

and you may never realize it unless you ask someone who actually has to follow you.

And so part of this is just a general principle for people who have power,

that there's a certain privilege that comes with it.

And you want to use that privilege in a way that actually lifts people up and honors them and helps them.

And so it's actually, there's a sense in which it's the responsibility of the person who's in power

to find out the needs of the person with less power.

That's not just a principle in marriage, that's a principle across the board.

If you want to be a good boss, your job is to go to your employees and ask them,

okay, I have the power in this situation, you have less power,

so it's my job actually to initiate the conversation about what I can do to make things better for you.

That's just the way power and authority work.

That's the way good power and good authority works.

And so Peter's saying, okay, wives are subject to their husbands,

husbands have more authority and power in this situation,

therefore it's their responsibility to go and gather the information.

It's your job to go to your wife and say,

help me understand more about what it looks like to be a woman in this world.

Or even more scary, help me understand what it's like to be married to me.

What are the ways that I interact with you that are really helpful?

What are some ways that I interact with you that are not so helpful?

Having knowledge means that you're a student.

You know what makes your wife sad.

You know what makes her rejoice.

You know what makes her happy.

That is knowledge that you have.

By the way, this is knowledge you use, right?

It's actionable knowledge.

There are some men, husbands, who find out things about their wives,

and they might think, well, that's extremely interesting but irrelevant.

Peter's saying it's extremely interesting and also actionable.

This is knowledge that affects the way that you live.

And so, again, it's hard to have knowledge if you're not a student.

It's hard to be an understanding husband if you're not a curious husband.

And so, if you want to, I'll say that again,

it's hard to be an understanding husband if you're not a curious husband.

So, if you want to jump in the deep end,

you could ask your wife, okay, and don't ask general, right?

That's not helpful.

Okay, what's it like?

Well, it doesn't give us a scale.

On a one to ten scale, where are we at?

By the way, counselors will tell you that men and women

always rate their marriages differently, almost.

So, generally, women will rate a marriage lower than the husband will.

So, if you ask a man and a wife, okay,

rate your marriage on a scale of zero to ten,

the man says it's an eight,

the wife is probably going to say it's a six.

The man says it's a six, the wife might say it's a three.

The man says it's a nine, the wife might say it's a five.

I had a friend one time, I was on the phone with him,

and he told me, you know, I went, and I checked in with my wife,

and I was going to ask her, I asked her,

how are things going with us?

And I was preparing, because I knew in my back of my head,

like, I'm asking this question, and I need to,

but things aren't going well, and, like,

it's going to be a hard conversation.

Well, he asked her, and she said,

we are thriving right now.

I said, man, you go, because if she says that,

then you can trust it, right?

Like, if you think it's thriving, I don't really know.

If you called me and told me it was going great,

it could or could not be going well, right?

So I said, man, wonderful, praise God,

like, your marriage must be doing well,

since your wife says it's going well.

All to say, hard to be understanding

if you're not a curious husband.

Second of all, I want to,

we talked last week about ways we can fall off

on either side.

One way we could fall off last week that we discussed

is the idea of, okay, being subject to your husband

doesn't mean you can't say no.

There were times that Sarah told Abraham no.

There were also times that Abraham needed

to tell Sarah no, and he didn't.

One way to abuse this passage is to say,

therefore, as a husband,

it means you have to always say yes.

Wives can say no, and husbands can say no.

Being an understanding husband

doesn't mean that you're a doormat.

Being a wife who's submissive

doesn't mean that you're a doormat.

I was listening to a podcast recently.

You guys know I've mentioned in the past,

I'm a big podcast guy,

and this was an interview

with a woman named Christy Wright,

and this is a strong, accomplished woman.

So she's an entrepreneur, and she trains other women

how to be good entrepreneurs.

And she's talking in this podcast

all about her business tips and tricks

and the effective way to run a business

and the non-effective way,

and she gets to a point where she's talking about

how, as a business owner,

sometimes you have to tell people no.

And in the middle of this podcast,

she goes off, she just stops,

and starts raving about her husband

and how good he is at saying no to her.

And then she gives this example.

She talks about how she's very creative.

She's this entrepreneur,

so she's constantly coming up

with home remodeling projects.

And of course, her husband can't say yes

to all the home remodeling projects, right?

But her husband has found a way

to say it in an understanding way.

So he'll say, man, I just,

I love the fact that you are so creative,

and that just blows me away.

I'm not sure we have the bandwidth right now

for another project,

but like, I just, man,

you have so many great ideas,

and I just, I'm just in awe of that.

The answer's no, right?

We don't have the bandwidth right now

to remodel the kitchen a second time.

And yet, he does it in an understanding way.

Say no in such a way

that your wife raves about you

the next time she's interviewed on a podcast.

Okay, there's another way

we can fall off the bus on this.

So there's a big conversation right now

about men in the church

and the question about why

there aren't more men in the church

and why there aren't more masculine men

in the church.

By the way, we have many masculine men

in this church.

Praise God.

It is not saying that you have to be

a weak man, right?

The last thing we need

is more weak or soft men.

We need, in our society

and in the church,

we need strong men.

We want strong men

who are gentle

and kind

and tender.

We don't want weak

or soft men.

We want strong men.

We want strong men

who are gentle

and kind

and tender.

And, you know,

kill bears

when they need to kill bears.

You don't want weak men

leading a church, right?

If there's something

that needs to be dealt with,

you want men

who are going to get in

and deal with it.

You don't want a weak man

leading your family.

There's an issue

that needs to be dealt with.

You want a man

who's going to deal with it.

And so,

there's a temptation

on the one hand

to say,

okay,

last week's sermon,

maybe that was a little patriarchal.

This week's sermon,

maybe it's a little feminist.

The Bible doesn't always

fit into our neat categories.

It doesn't always

fall into the lines

that our culture

wants us to fall into.

So, the Bible teaches both

in a sense.

I mean,

what are you going to do, right?

Cut 1 Peter 3, 7

out of the Bible.

I did have a few men

suggest to me

that it would be okay

if we skipped this passage.

Okay, moving on.

So, we've got

kind of three things

going on here.

One,

live with your wives

in an understanding way.

Point one.

Point two,

showing honor.

By the way,

the showing honor

comes after the weaker vessel

than the Greek.

So, I put that

under the understanding way.

Then we've got

showing honor

as heirs with you

of the grace of life.

These folks

receiving this letter

are living in a culture

and an economy

where women and men

are not equal.

And they're living

in a culture

and an economy

where the woman

is supposed

to honor her husband.

Peter reverses that

or at least subverts it.

No, actually,

remember,

you're a holy nation,

2-9.

That might be

how things work

in the Roman world.

That's not how things

work in God's nation.

In God's nation,

men and women

are actually equal.

And in God's nation,

disregard the customs

of the Roman Empire.

in God's nation,

it's actually your job

as a husband

to show honor

to your wife.

And so,

it's subversive

here in 1 Peter

in multiple ways.

Women are actually

equal to you.

Don't treat them

as if they're not,

even though that's

what's common

in the society

around you, right?

Women are taught

to show honor

to their husbands.

Guess what?

In your household,

since you're

a Christian man,

that's not your concern.

Your concern

is actually the opposite,

that you're showing

honor to your wife.

Again, as I said,

patriarchal and feminist

at the same time.

The Bible's not gonna meet

our expectations

in every way.

By the way,

you're showing honor

to your wife

even as you may feel

dishonored

by the fact

that she is not

a Christian.

If you look

at this translation,

it says,

since they are

heirs with you

of the grace of life.

That's one way

to translate it.

You could take it as

show honor

because they're

heirs with you

of the grace of life.

You could also

take it as

show honor

as if,

in other words,

pretend like

they're heirs with you

in the grace of life.

Remember,

we're talking about

how it is

that Christians

are supposed to interact

with non-Christians.

The Greek here

could go either way.

I think it's probably

more likely,

now both should be

in mind, right?

It actually doesn't matter

which one we fall down on.

But if we're talking

about places

where Christians

show honor

to non-Christians,

it's very likely

that this is

a Christian man

who's married

to a non-Christian woman.

If that's the case,

Peter is saying,

treat your wife

as if she's a Christian

even though she's not.

And remember,

I talked about

last week,

in this society,

there was an expectation

that the wife

would automatically

worship whoever

the husband worshiped.

And so here's a man

who's being dishonored

by his wife.

She refuses

to worship his gods.

People could look

around him and say,

man,

those Christian men,

you know,

they're just so weak.

Their wives won't even

worship their gods

with them.

And that Christian man

could be tempted

to think,

in frustration,

act out in that way

against his wife,

right,

man,

I can't believe

that you won't convert

and you won't follow

my God,

Jesus with me

because you know,

in our culture,

everyone knows

that the wife worships

the God of the husband.

And in fact,

Peter says quite the opposite.

Instead of being frustrated

by the fact

that you're not being shown

honor,

reverse it.

Pretend as if she is

a Christian

and subvert the system

in the same way

that he tells Christian wives

to subvert the system.

Show even more honor

to her

as she dishonors you.

Now,

if it's the case

that he is talking

about Christian wives

of Christian men,

the point's still the same,

right?

Okay,

in this society,

you may think

that they're worth

less than you.

But guess what?

In the holy nation,

you guys are both heirs

of God's grace.

God's not giving

more grace to men

than he is to women.

And so in God's eyes,

you're equal.

Act in that way.

Behave in that way.

Behave in a way

that it's clear

to your wife

that you think

that you're equal

with her

in the sight of God.

And so use your power

and your authority

in this system

to build your family up

and to build your wife up

rather than

to build yourself up.

You are seeking

in whatever way

you can

to use your position

and your power

to show honor

to your wife.

because God

and Jesus died,

his blood was as much

for her

as it was for you.

And so act

in that way.

That should be

the way

that you behave.

we've seen

first

live in an understanding

way.

Second,

showing honor.

And then finally,

there is a sobering

warning

that this passage

ends with.

There's a purpose

clause here.

When it came

to the wives,

the purpose

was that they might

win their husbands

to follow after Jesus.

Here,

and that was a positive,

right?

That was the carrot.

Now we have a stick

for the men.

Your behavior

should be

in such a way

that your prayers

are not hindered.

In other words,

if you are not

living in an

understanding way

with your wife,

if you're not

listening to your wife,

God's not

listening to you.

Now this might

seem strange

at first

because of course

our understanding

is that everything

is by grace,

right?

We don't earn

favor from God.

God saved us

from our sins.

We would say

God hears our prayers

because Jesus

mediates for us,

right?

So in what sense

would God not

hear our prayers?

The assumption here

is that this person

is a Christian,

right?

So why would God

not hear the prayers

of a Christian?

Jesus died for this

person.

He's mediating for them.

And maybe we could say

God hears the prayers,

right?

But he's not answering

them because he's not

answering them with a yes.

How can we understand

God's grace

and both his discipline?

And I want you all

to think about it

like this.

So you know that I

try to get out

as much as I can

and run and hike.

And if you run

and hike in Colorado,

there are trails

that will take

different routes.

And if you go out,

like I did recently

in Cheyenne Mountain

State Park

after it snowed,

there's going to be

certain parts of the trail

that still have snow

on them

and certain parts

that don't.

Why?

Certain parts

of the trail

are highly exposed

to the sun

and certain parts

are not.

when you walk

into the shadows,

don't be surprised

when the temperature

drops.

When you walk

into the shadows,

don't be surprised

when the temperature

drops.

That doesn't mean

you earned

the sun

in any way.

Okay?

God's grace,

you don't earn it,

you don't merit it.

When I walk

out into the sun,

I didn't merit

that sun

by my behavior.

However,

I put myself

in the place

of the heat

of the sun.

And when I walked

in the shadows,

I chose

to remove myself

from the heat

of the sun.

There is a way

as a Christian husband

to remove yourself

from the heat

of God's blessing.

God

will not

be mocked.

And he

is not

interested

in providing

blessing

and answer

to the prayers

of harsh

and insensitive

husbands.

Doesn't negate

his grace.

But it also

shows how

serious

God is

about disciplining

his children.

And so

there's also

several principles

here.

First,

authority

goes with

responsibility.

And responsibility

goes with

accountability.

And so

husbands,

you have more

authority in the

family,

guess what?

That means

you have more

accountability.

Husbands

will answer

to God

for how they

treat their

wives and

their families.

And Peter

intends for that

to be sobering

for the people

reading this

letter.

This is not

just some

fluffy

marriage advice

for people

who are more

sensitive.

But Peter

is warning

them that

this is the

behavior

that brings

God's favor.

And the

inverse is

also true.

By the way,

this is a

principle in

other parts of

Scripture.

In the book

of James,

it says that

teachers are

going to have

a greater

accountability

before God

for what they

teach.

And so

there's a

principle,

an authority,

right?

I said

earlier,

if you're

someone in

authority,

the responsibility

is on you

to take

initiative,

to see how

you can help

the people

who are under

you.

If you're

in authority,

God's

discipline is

real.

It tells us

in Hebrews

Hebrews 12 · chapter mention

chapter 12

that his

discipline is

a way that

we know

that we

belong to

him.

And so

it doesn't

mean that

these husbands

aren't

Christians.

In fact,

quite the

opposite.

They're

children of

God who

are being

disciplined

for being

harsh and

unloving to

their wives.

Now,

it's tempting

to take this

passage for

some people

and just say,

well,

the point is

don't abuse

your wife.

Actually,

that's not

the point.

That's the

assumption.

The assumption

of this passage,

as I mentioned

last week,

is that abuse

is off the

table.

No,

this is saying

that the

standard of

a normal

Christian husband

is that this

is the kind

of man who's

seeking understanding

about his wife

and looking to

live in a way

that honors her.

And so,

it's not just

what someone

doesn't do.

It's not just,

oh,

I don't abuse

my wife,

I'm off the

hook.

But what

someone does

do,

right,

the husband

of consideration

and care.

And so,

God disciplines

people.

Men who are

harsh with

their wives

should expect

God's discipline

to fall on

them.

God is not

amused,

and he will

not be mocked.

God is not

going to

do it.

And so,

as Peter

writes this

letter,

he wants

them to

understand

how important

this is for

them as they

live as a

holy nation.

And of

course,

what is

their

motivation?

Their

motivation is

that they

would do

the very

same thing

that Jesus

has done

for them.

Jesus is

someone who

has had

all the

authority,

right?

In

Philippians

Philippians 2 · chapter mention

chapter 2

talks about

how he

gave it

all up.

He laid

it down.

He sacrificed

it for the

good of his

people.

And he did

it when they

were,

right,

rebelling

against him.

As this

Christian husband

potentially married

to a non-Christian

woman might feel

like it's

happening in

his marriage.

And yet,

what did

Jesus do?

He used

his power

and his

authority

not to

build himself

up,

not to

exalt

himself,

but to

lift us

up and

exalt us.

And so

that's why

that passage

in Philippians

ends by

saying that

Jesus is

going to

be given

the name

that's above

every other

name.

He's going

to be

high and

lifted up.

Because that's

the logic

of the

gospel.

And so

this logic

is being

applied as

it has been

applied to

everyone else

in these

situations.

It's applied

to husbands.

So they

lose their

power to

lift up

rather than

tear down.

And that

God would

have,

has been

the goal

of all

of these

passages

to

tremendous

honor and

glory.

Just as

the hope

was that

non-Christian

men would

look at

these

Christian

wives

last week

and say,

man,

there's a lot

of hard

things about

having a

spouse who

doesn't

worship the

gods with

me,

and there's

times when I

really wish I

had a

Christian

wife.

Same is

also true

that women

would look

into the

church and

see Christian

husbands and

think,

man,

there's some

things I'm

not sure

about,

about

Christianity,

but those

Christian

husbands,

if I could

get one

of those.

That part of

this point of

1 Peter is

that as this

new nation,

they're modeling

to the world,

as I've said

before and I

said in Nehemiah,

that people

would look and

they would see

what it looks

like when God's

people walk in

God's ways.

ways.

One of the

ways that God's

people show

the world a

different way

of living is

when men and

women walk

together in

ways that honor

each other and

have peace with

one another.

And so this is

part of the

vision that Peter

has for this

Christian community,

that they would

be a light to

the world in

the way their

marriages work.

And so we've

been asking this

question of how

husbands fulfill

these principles of

being a priesthood,

of glorifying God,

of honoring everyone.

We see it with

two ways in one

warning.

First, they live in

a way that's

understanding,

knowing that their

experience of the

world is very

different from the

experience of their

wives.

Second, they live in

a way that shows

honor, not acting as

if somehow they're

more worthy as a

man, but looking to

show their wife how

worthy she is.

And then finally,

there's a warning

that God's discipline

is real for husbands

who fail to

honor and live with

their wives in an

understanding way.

And so while that's

the stick, we also

have the carrot and

the model.

Remember, we were

told earlier, a

couple weeks ago,

that Jesus is our

example.

And so we do this

following after Jesus

because we know that

for us and for his

church, he was the

husband that sought

to be understanding

and to sacrifice for

his church.

church.

And he was the

husband who gave up

his honor to give

tremendous honor and

glory to us.

And so we praise God

for that that he's

given to us, that we

could walk in his

ways and that everyone

would look and see a

different way and a

different kind of

marriage in this church

and in God's church.

And so it's with that

hope and that

admonition that I

invite you to pray

with me.

Dear Father in

Heaven, we again

thank you for your

word.

We ask that you

would use it in ways

that are purposeful and

powerful in our lives.

We ask for the

marriages in this

church that you'd

continue to build

them up and

strengthen them.

That our husbands

would more and more

love their wives like

you love the church.

And our wives would

more and more love

their husbands in the

same way with your

love honoring them as

they try to lead.

And that together we

would be able to give

you tremendous honor

and glory.

We ask that you'd send

your Holy Spirit to do

it and you'd empower us

because of the

sacrifice of your son.

And we ask it knowing

that we have not earned

it but that you have

earned it for us.

And so we ask it in

Jesus' name.

Amen.