Sexual Flourishing

Good morning. My name is Matthew. I'm here at Cheyenne Mountain Presbyterian Church, and it's my joy to bring God's word to you today.

Special welcome if you're new or visiting with us. We're glad that you're here, and we're glad that you're here not because we're trying to fill seats,

but because we're following Jesus together as one community.

And as we follow Jesus together, we become convinced there's no one so good that they don't need God's grace,

and no one so bad that they can't have it, which is why we come back to God's word over and over again,

because we believe that he has something to say to everyone.

We're continuing our series in the book of Proverbs, and we're going to be in Proverbs chapter 5.

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

You might be wondering what happened to Proverbs chapter 4. Proverbs as a book works topically,

Proverbs 4 · chapter mention

and so many topics are revisited over and over, and so Proverbs chapter 4 repeats the same themes that we covered in chapters 1 through 3.

Proverbs 4 · chapter mention

This is similar to what we did last summer, where we started out with the first few psalms.

We did Psalm 1 through 3, and then we skipped 4, went to 5. I think we may have skipped 6 and gone to 7.

So that explains why we're in chapter 5.

I told you at the beginning of this series about the practice in my family growing up that we would read the chapter of Proverbs

that corresponded to the day of the month.

So we're actually doing that today. Today's the fifth, and we're reading the fifth chapter.

And it's been practiced not just by my family, but by many individual Christians throughout church history.

And because of that practice in my family, I knew the Proverbs very well.

I knew there were various sections in it.

And there was one night where my parents decided, it seemed like it came out of left field,

they decided they needed us to memorize one verse from the Bible that evening.

And I had, and also they told us, and this was their great downfall,

that we could pick whatever verse we wanted.

Now I had other plans, I think, for that evening, and this was an interruption to those plans.

And I did not like the idea of random Bible verses at night,

and so I decided I was going to put an end to this once and for all.

And knowing my Proverbs well, I went off and I memorized Proverbs chapter 5, verse 19.

Proverbs 5:19

And I went back to my parents and I proudly declared,

A lovely deer, a graceful doe, let her breasts fill you at all times with delight,

be intoxicated always in her love.

And my parents were speechless.

And they never asked us to memorize a random Bible verse again.

Now I mention that story not because I was the youngest child in my family,

and maybe a little bit of a punk,

but because of two things that it shows for us.

First, when we talk about sex, we're talking about a subject that's very sensitive.

And I knew this, part of the reason that was the verse I picked.

When we talk about sex, we're also talking about something that the Bible speaks clearly about,

which is why I knew it was safe to pick that verse.

What were my parents going to say?

It's in the Bible.

You said any verse.

And so the same thing is true of us.

Sex is a very sensitive topic, so we need to be careful in the way that we talk about it.

We also need to be bold and clear in talking about it,

because the Bible is bold and clear in talking about it.

And so as we look to be sensitive and careful,

I'll say a few things as we get started.

First, whenever we talk about a controversial or sensitive topic,

I always tell you, I'm going to say something, not everything.

Something, not everything.

Second, this is another area, as I've mentioned in the past,

where we need to talk about the masculine color of the book of Proverbs.

We're going to see a son being told to stay away from a woman who might tempt him.

And it's possible for us to think that maybe the book of Proverbs is misogynistic in some way, right?

Are we supposed to leave this thinking that men are innocent and women are tempters?

Well, no, that's not the point that we're going to take away.

Remember, I've discussed before the genre of Proverbs in the ancient Near East.

Proverbial literature was written in this form.

It was written in the instruction of a father to his son.

And so it makes sense that this would be the warning.

If it were written by a mother to her daughter, we would expect it to be different, right?

We would expect it to be warning about a man who would be tempting.

And so at risk of stating the obvious, both men and women are tempted sexually.

Both men and women tempt.

And it can be hard sometimes the way that we talk about sexuality in the church,

especially when we talk about women's sexuality,

because sometimes it comes off as if it's a men's issue,

and it makes women feel like it's not safe to struggle.

And so it creates an extra level of shame.

And in fact, that's the last thing we want, right?

Because we know that shame and silence is a tool of Satan.

It's what he uses.

So we just want to say these things out loud and say them clearly, right?

Both men and women struggle with sexual integrity,

whether that's adultery and fornication, and I'll talk about this morning,

whether it's pornography, that's an issue for both sexes.

And so it's not that men struggle and women don't, but that we're humans.

All of us are sexual beings and all of us struggle.

And the other thing that's important to say, of course, is as we're coming to these topics,

it will bring up for some of us painful memories,

maybe painful memories of ways that we've fallen short of God's standard in the past,

maybe painful ways that other people have sinned against us in this way in the past.

And so I just want to remind you as those memories come up that of most and greatest importance,

God is with you.

His grace and his forgiveness are real.

And of much less importance, I am with you.

And so with that, let's turn to Proverbs chapter 5.

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

I invite you to turn in your Bible or in your worship guide near the end.

You can turn on your phone or turn on your phone.

However you go, remember that this is God's word.

And Proverbs chapter 30, verse 5 tells us that every word of God proves true.

Proverbs 30:5

He is a shield to those who take refuge in him.

So that's why we read now, starting at verse 1.

My son, be attentive to my wisdom.

Incline your ear to my understanding,

that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge.

For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,

and her speech is smoother than oil.

But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood,

sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death.

Her steps follow the path to shale.

She does not ponder the path of life.

Her ways wander, and she does not know it.

Verse 7.

And now, O sons, listen to me,

and do not depart from the words of my mouth.

Keep your way far from her,

and do not go near the door of her house,

lest you give your honor to others

and your years to the merciless.

Lest strangers take their fill of your strength,

and your labors go to the house of a foreigner.

And at the end of your life,

you groan when your flesh and body are consumed.

And you say,

how I hated discipline,

and my heart despised reproof.

I did not listen to the voice of my teachers

or incline my ear to my instructors.

I am at the brink of utter ruin

in the assembled congregation.

Verse 15.

Drink water from your own cistern,

flowing water from your own well.

Should your springs be scattered abroad,

streams of water in the streets?

Let them be for yourself alone

and not for strangers with you.

Let your fountain be blessed

and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

a lovely deer,

a graceful doe.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.

Be intoxicated always in her love.

Why should you be intoxicated, my son,

with a forbidden woman

and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord,

and he ponders all his paths.

The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him,

and he has held fast in the cords of his sin.

He dies for lack of discipline,

and because of his great folly,

he is led astray.

I invite you to pray with me

as we come to this portion of God's word.

Our Father in heaven,

we thank you

that you don't shy away from hard things,

and we thank you

that you don't leave us alone,

that you don't just create sex

and bodies and men and women,

but you give us guidance

and instructions and rules

to protect us

and to keep us safe.

We ask that you'd help us

this morning

as we talk about

good and hard things,

that you'd send your spirit

to give us the grace that we need,

that we would hear from you

and believe and follow you.

We ask these things in Jesus' name.

Amen.

As I've mentioned,

in the past,

I grew up in the Presbyterian Church.

I grew up in this denomination

that we're in now,

and I've tallied it up recently,

not counting Cheyenne Mountain.

I've been a member of some sort

of five different churches

in the PCA,

in our denomination.

And as I added up,

in three of those churches,

three of those five,

there was at least one leader

who ended up,

you know,

an elder, deacon, staff member,

who ended up,

their marriage ended up ending

because of their adultery.

So three out of five,

leaders,

Presbyterian churches,

two of the other two of the five,

there was a leader

or a staff member

whose marriage ended.

Given the circumstances,

I'm not sure

if it was because of adultery or not.

So three of the five,

clearly adultery,

five of those five churches,

that was what happened.

Not for just someone coming to church,

but for a leader,

someone who's prominent in the church.

Even more than that,

in one of the churches

that I grew up in,

the one I was at

when I was in elementary school,

it's a very small church.

And of the kids that I was with

in Sunday school

in that very small church

and in a homeschool co-op,

now there have been

four pregnancies

that have come out of marriage,

out of wedlock.

And I tell you that story

not to be heavy,

not to be a downer,

but to highlight

what this passage

is highlighting for us,

which is that we are not immune

to sexual temptation.

I mentioned when we talked

about the issue of violence

that it's tempting

to believe that

if we're in the church,

if we're part of good,

conservative,

reformed Presbyterian churches,

that somehow,

you know,

we'll struggle

with these normal sins.

Maybe we'll struggle

with pride or lust.

Maybe we'll be tempted

to gossip,

but of course

we wouldn't struggle

with adultery, right?

We wouldn't be tempted

to actually commit violence

or to trample the poor.

And yet this Israelite father

writing to his Israelite son

realizes that

even as he's raising him

in the covenant community,

this is a very real temptation.

It's one that he needs

to warn him against.

It's something

that he should be on guard for.

He should not assume

that somehow

this doesn't affect him, right?

When we're in the church,

we're not in this bubble

that's somehow unaffected

by the temptations

of this world.

And so we need

this passage from Proverbs

to remind us

of these very real dangers.

It is a mistake

to think that we

will not be tempted

by sexual sin.

It is a mistake

to think that our children

will not be tempted

by sexual sin.

It is the fool

in Proverbs

who doesn't take guard

against these things,

who's not cautious

about these things.

Remember,

the fool has not committed

to the path of wisdom.

And so it's the fool

who doesn't realize

that these temptations

are very real

and very threatening.

We see this allure

that happens

in verses 1-6.

This woman is coming.

She is potentially saying

wonderful things

to this man,

things he's longed

for someone to say to him.

She's seducing him.

Her lips drip honey.

Verse 3,

her speech is smoother

than oil.

There's potentially

a sexual innuendo

going on here

that she's offering

things to this man

that feel

and experiences

that are incredibly

pleasurable.

And so that helps us

understand why

this temptation

is so strong,

why it's alluring to him.

Despite all he has to lose,

he is going to feel

drawn to it.

And of course,

we can say the same thing

for women, right?

There might be a man

who says wonderful things,

whose lips drip with honey,

who tells her the things

she's always wanted to hear.

And there's going to be

a very real temptation

to give in to that.

And so the first thing

we're told here

is simply that

sexual temptation is real.

It's something

that affects us.

The second thing

we're shown here

is that this temptation,

while it presents

as something wonderful,

actually leads to death.

It seems

that it's like honey, right?

Her lips seem like honey.

What do they end up

tasting like?

Verse 4,

actually really bitter.

Bitter is important.

There's a bait and switch

going on.

You're offered something

that seems wonderful.

It ends up

being something terrible.

We again find

our metaphor

of the path here, right?

Her path,

verse 6,

is not the path of life,

but verse 5,

the path to shale.

She leads to death.

Sexual sin

leads to death.

Adultery,

fornication,

lead to death.

death.

We're given

in verses 7-14

a picture

of the type of death

that they lead to,

and there's an emphasis

here on ruin.

There's a financial ruin.

Verse 9,

you're giving your years

to the merciless.

Strangers

are taking your labors

and your strength.

What you do

is going to go

to the house

of a foreigner,

so there's financial

implications to this.

There's physical complications.

Verse 11,

at the end of your life,

you're going to groan

because your flesh

and body are consumed.

There's going to be

a groaning,

an agony

that you experience

in this life

from this sin.

Now,

what's going on

in the book of Proverbs,

most likely in this

cultural setting,

there's a legal recourse

for the spouse

who is harmed by adultery.

So, for example,

let's say there's a wife,

her husband commits adultery,

her husband and his wife

commits adultery.

The person who is harmed,

the innocent spouse,

would be able

to come after them

for financial ramifications.

Now,

that actually used

to be true

in the United States.

It's not true anymore.

We don't have

that specific consequences,

but there are still

consequences

that come from sexual sin.

I'll give you

a few examples.

There was a article

that came out

a few years back

in a wall journal

of all places,

and the article's title

was a question.

The question was this,

does sex

still make babies?

The answer is,

wait for it,

yes.

This was, of course,

examining in the light

of birth control,

saying,

with the reality

of birth control,

do we really think

of sex as something

that's connected

to children?

And it talked about

the failure rate

of birth control.

No matter how well

you are using birth control,

no matter what you have

available to you,

you still have the chance

of having a child.

Ask many married couples

about this, by the way.

And, of course,

that's going to have

financial legal ramifications,

right?

You may end up

giving your honor,

your wealth to others

because you're suddenly

supporting not one family,

but two.

Or maybe you're in a situation

where you're trying

to support a family,

but you don't have

the support you need,

right?

There's a financial element there.

It may lead not to that.

It may lead to a divorce.

It's common knowledge

that divorce is one

of the great destroyers

of wealth.

And, of course,

we're not just talking

about this in pragmatic terms.

This person's groaning

at the end of his life.

There's the risk of disease,

right?

But there's also

the fact that maybe

he's groaning

out of the loneliness

that he has.

He's abandoned

the spouse that he committed to

or she's abandoned

the spouse she committed to.

And suddenly,

at the end of their life,

they don't have

what you would have

from investing in a marriage

over a lifetime.

Maybe this is a single person

who's chosen promiscuity

over marriage.

They, at the end of their life,

they don't have something

to look back on and hold.

So there's this ruin

that the author of Proverbs,

that Solomon,

holds out to us.

There's real

and true destruction.

There's emotional destruction

we could talk about.

And so he's warning them.

I told you before,

our greatest warning

are not the consequences

of sin,

but our loves.

But the consequences

of sin still matter.

And he's telling him,

look, this leads to death

in real and practical ways

in this world.

Don't believe the lie.

Don't believe the lie

that you can indulge in this

for a minute

and it will not affect you.

Now, with the physical

and legal

and relational implications,

of course,

there's one consequence

that's even greater

than all of those.

It comes at the very end here.

Verse 21,

Verse 23,

In other words,

even if none of these

consequences happen to you,

God still sees.

And if you persist

in unrepentant sexual sin,

you have reason

to question

whether you are

actually a Christian.

If you persist

in unrepentant sexual sin,

you should question

whether you're actually

a Christian

if God has given you

a new heart.

I'm not talking about

those who struggle

with sin, right?

All of us struggle

with sin.

All of us have

sexual brokenness.

I'm not talking about

those who are fighting

a good fight

against temptation.

I'm talking about

those who are not

fighting any fight.

They should question

if there's no struggle

against sin in your life,

you should question

whether you belong to God.

And so that's

an even greater consequence

than all of these.

No matter how well

things go in your life,

at the end of time,

you will answer to God

for how you lived

in this world,

including what you did

with your body.

And so the Father here

is warning His Son

of the very serious

temporal consequences

consequences,

and the very serious

eternal consequences.

That sexual sin

will bring Him

death.

Thankfully,

there's not just

a warning here

in Proverbs chapter 5,

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

but there's also

a word of hope.

There's a solution

that's given,

a particular solution

for this passage.

There's actually

a couple of them.

Verse 8 says,

keep far away from her.

Do not go near the door

of her house.

I'm not going to focus

as much on that

this morning

because we're going

to have a chance

to talk in chapters 6

and 7 about what it

looks like to keep

far away,

about running from temptation.

And so instead,

I'm going to focus

on the other element

that's given to us here

in verses 15 through 20.

Back in a long time ago,

in 2017,

I told you the story

of the actor,

Paul Newman,

who was married

to Joanne Woodward

for 50 years.

And it was rare

for someone to have

that long of a marriage

in that industry,

in the film industry.

And so he was asked

at one point,

how have you remained

faithful for this long

in this kind of setting,

in this culture,

in the way,

places where you run,

how have you done it

to stay married

for 50 years?

And Paul responded

with this quip.

I have steak at home.

Why should I go out

for hamburger?

Now, you might find

that illustration

crass,

but it's similar

to the image

that's used

in this next passage.

We see,

not steak and hamburger,

but water.

Verses 15 and 16,

drink water

from your own cistern,

flowing water

from your own well.

Should your springs

be scattered abroad,

streams of water

in the streets?

In other words,

you have high quality

water at home.

Why would you go out

to the city

and scoop up water

from a puddle

and drink that?

Why would you drink

dirty water like that?

That doesn't make any sense.

You have your own well

at home.

Same thing he's saying

about sexual sin.

This is speaking specifically

to married people.

Why would you go out there?

You have a relationship

at home.

You have your marriage.

Embrace that.

In other words,

the application is this.

Make your sexual relationship

with your spouse

a priority.

Make it something

that you pursue.

Make it something

that you create time for.

Make it something

that you work at.

Now, there's many reasons

for this,

but the reason given here

is specifically

about sexual temptation.

Paul tells us

the same thing

in 1 Corinthians 7

in the New Testament.

work on your sexual relationship

so that you won't be tempted,

so that you can avoid

sexual sin.

Make it a priority,

whatever it looks like,

for that stage of life,

for your stage of life.

Women,

seduce your husband.

men,

men,

pursue your wife.

That is one of the primary ways,

the avenues

that God has given

for people to escape

sexual sin

and sexual temptation.

salvation.

We're then told something else here.

Now, I'm not going to go

into detail,

but there are people

who believe what's going on here

in verses 15

through 18

is a very explicit,

graphic,

sexual innuendo.

But what's here

in verse 19

is a prayer.

And it's a prayer

from the Father

about his son's marriage.

Now, this is a very bold prayer.

I am going,

I'm guessing you've probably

never heard a prayer like this,

prayed at a wedding.

I'm going to be

in a wedding

in October,

and I don't think

I'm going to be bold enough

to pray this prayer,

although who knows,

I've got a few months

to kind of

work myself up.

But the prayer

in verse 19

is this.

I am praying

that you'd be filled

at all times

with delight,

be intoxicated

always in her love.

In other words,

I am praying

for you

in your marriage

that you would have

a lot of sex.

And I am praying

that that sex

would be really,

really good

and that you would enjoy it.

That is this father's prayer

for his son.

And so that's the urging

of Solomon

for those who are married,

that they would pursue

that same thing

in their marriages.

And of course,

there's a lot of

caveats, right?

This is going to look

different at different

ages and stages.

Writing to a youth here,

he has a youth

kind of sex drive.

There are very real

health issues

and complications

that are going to make

this hard.

There are times

and seasons

in a marriage

where it would actually

be unwise

to pursue sex.

And so we're talking

about the ideal here.

This is an ideal image

that's given.

It doesn't rule out

exceptions.

It doesn't rule out

the complications

of life

in the real world.

And yet,

it's still an ideal

that God holds out

for his people

to pursue

in marriage.

And so I'll say

a couple things

in general

and then a couple things

about specific situations.

First of all,

this is something

for them to work on

together.

Both of them,

if we follow the logic

of some of this innuendo,

are very excited

about what's happening.

The husband

and the wife

are very excited

about their sexual

relationship

with one another.

Which means

that the application

of this

is not

to use this passage

as some sort

of guilt manipulation.

Do not go home

and say,

the pastor said

we need to have sex.

No,

the application is

go home,

take responsibility,

work on it together.

What is it going

to take from me

to make this

really good for you?

What do we need

to do

so that we

as a couple

can move forward?

What's the next step

we have to make

in working towards

God's ideal?

What is it that we need

to do to protect

each other

from sexual temptation?

We may not be

at verse 19 tomorrow.

That's true

of all of God's ideals.

But we can take

our next step

towards verse 19.

And this may,

right,

this is going to take

probably more time

and more space

the older you get.

So again,

different,

it's going to look

differently

for different people,

different stages

and ages of life.

And it may take

some very,

very painful conversations.

If you're talking

about what is this

going to look like

for us to move

towards this ideal,

it may involve

some conversations

about things

you've never talked

about,

very painful things

that have happened

in the past,

painful things you've

done against each other,

painful words

that have been spoken.

And that conversation

is worth having.

There may have to be

things outside

of the bedroom

that get fixed

before things

inside the bedroom

get fixed.

It's part of the logic

of marriage.

It's part of how God

uses the sexual

relationship between

a husband and a wife

to encourage them

to work on their

relationship together.

For some of you,

I realize this is probably

an especially painful topic

and it's an especially

painful topic

because we may be

so far away

from verse 19

that sex in marriage

is a distant memory,

right?

Maybe it's something

from months ago

or years ago

or decades ago.

And the word

of discouragement

and defeat

when we think

about God's ideal,

that is a word

from the enemy,

right?

But Satan

is the father

of lies.

He's the one

who comes to lie

to us

and pile shame

on us.

It's God

who comes

to speak truth

and hope

to us.

And so first of all,

we have to realize

there's hope.

There's real hope.

And so there's

a future,

right,

if we're in Christ.

You may feel lost,

but you're never alone.

I'll remind you

of the illustration

I gave you

when we talked

about sexual addiction,

specifically in 1 Peter,

the illustration

of the forest.

If you walk 10 miles

into a forest,

how long is it going

to take to walk out?

It's going to take

10 miles to walk out.

So if you've walked

your way far,

far away

from verse 19,

it can take a long time

to walk back

to verse 19.

Wherever you are,

wherever you are

in your journey,

take the next step.

The next step

might be realizing

and admitting

that you're lost.

And you're almost

certainly going

to need help

to walk your way

out of the forest.

If you've never gone

to marriage counseling,

that's not something

to be proud of.

There are people

who are proud

of the fact

that they've never

sought help.

I'm not saying

you should be ashamed

that you haven't.

Some people

don't need to go.

But part of embracing

the gospel

is knowing

that it's okay

to not be okay.

It's okay

to talk to other people

about our failures

because it's okay

to fail.

God gives us grace

for that.

So the gospel

frees us up

to go and begin

to confess

and have hard conversations

with other people.

People who understand

the gospel,

they don't boast

in their strength.

They boast

in their weakness.

It takes courage

and strength

and reliance

on Jesus Christ

to begin to talk

about how bad things

might be in your marriage

and take the next step.

If you take the next step,

if you begin to talk

openly about these things,

know that I'm proud of you.

I'm rooting for you.

It takes a lot of courage

to talk about things

that are not right.

It takes vulnerability.

It takes confidence

and trust in God

to know that it's going

to be okay.

And God does have

a future

and a hope for you.

There is always

a future

for people

who belong

to Jesus Christ.

Now,

you might be wondering,

okay,

this is great.

I am so glad

for all those

married people

that they have

an outlet

to escape temptation.

What about

those of us

who are single?

What in the world

does this passage

have to say to us?

Well,

one application

would be this,

and it's the same thing

that Paul again

tells us

in 1 Corinthians 7.

Paul says,

it's better to marry

than to burn.

In other words,

if you are experiencing

a strong

and high sex drive

and you find it

challenging

to work with that

as a single person,

there's an app

for that.

It's called marriage.

It's not wrong

to be single.

There can be

goodness and singleness,

right?

I'm single.

I don't disapprove

of single people,

obviously.

And it's good

and right

to pursue marriage

as part

of your pursuit

of sexual purity.

it's okay

to say,

hey,

I'm not sure

if I can do this

on my own.

I had a conversation

with a friend of mine

not connected

with this church

in any way

in another part

of the country

earlier this week

who had incidentally

and he told me

he's in a place

where he's starting

to think he needs

to pursue marriage

more aggressively

in part

because he believes

that's going to help him

live with greater purity

in his life.

And so if you're

a single person,

it is good

and right

to pursue marriage.

marriage.

You don't have to.

It's good and right

to be single as well.

But if you feel

like your sex drive

is something

that is pulling you

away to temptation

constantly,

that is a good reason

to pursue marriage.

And in fact,

the Proverbs

talks about marriage

as something

that we pursue.

Proverbs 18,

Proverbs 18:22

verse 22 says,

it's a blessing

to a man

who finds a wife.

That is a active word.

It's a pursuing word.

There are things

single people

can do

to increase

chances

and likelihood

of marriage.

It doesn't make it simple,

right?

There are single people

who have done

everything they can

and they're still single.

So we don't make

assumptions

or judgments

about why someone's single.

There's also people

who are single

who think of themselves

as victims

when instead

there's all sorts

of things

they can do

to pursue it.

Whether you're a man

or a woman,

there are things

you can do

to make yourself

a more attractive partner.

Whether you're a man

or a woman,

you may have to re-examine

some of your expectations

for marriage.

You may have to think

that some of what you want

or are desiring

is unrealistic.

You may have to deal

with things

in your past

that cause you

to be unable

to make a commitment

like marriage.

All of that to say

there are all sorts

of things

that we can do

as single people

if we desire marriage

to increase our odds.

Now, I'm not saying

it's going to happen

and it's going to guarantee it.

I'm just saying

it's good and right

to pursue it.

And that is one

of the solutions

God has given us

for sexual temptation

is to pursue marriage

as single people.

There's nothing

to be ashamed of

by the way

of being single.

There's many good things

about being single

and there's also

nothing to be ashamed about

of wanting

to be married

and pursuing marriage.

Marriage is not

the only answer

it's one of the answers

that the Bible provides.

It's a reason Paul says

it's better to marry

than to burn.

Now, I've told you before

that there are

many negative reasons

that we

go away from sin.

Proverbs lists

many of those.

We've listed many of them

this morning.

But ultimately,

it's not the consequences

of sin

that we want to use

as our greatest motivation.

We want

a greater love.

We talked about

our loves

in chapter

two.

So we want to love

something more.

We want something

to be even greater

than the offer

of sexual satisfaction.

And sex is

a gift from God.

He's given it to us

to point to something

that's even more glorious

than sex itself.

It's pointing,

it's looking forward

to an even greater

and fuller intimacy

and community

that we are going

to have

with God

in heaven.

And so we can see it

knowing that it's good

and knowing that it points

to something better.

We can desire

that something better.

There's a French man

whose name

I'm going to butcher,

Francois Marillac,

who struggled

with sexual temptation

and he looked at

the consequences

that came from it

and he said,

at the end of the day,

what motivates me

is not the danger.

The warnings aren't

what's most helpful to me.

What motivates me

is Jesus' words

in Matthew chapter five

when he says,

blessed are the pure

in heart

for they shall see God.

It's my desire

to see God,

my love for him.

It's that greater love

that's greater

than my sexual drives.

That is what motivates me

because I know

that that sex

is something small

that points

to something big

and that something big

is being able

to see God.

And so that empowers us

and enables us.

Remember,

Jesus makes better promises.

He promises us

something better

than sexual pleasure.

He promises us

something better

than this strange woman

in chapter five

or a strange man.

He promises us himself

and so we can look forward

to that as people

who are married.

There is something better

that God's given us.

He's been faithful to us.

We can model

that faithfulness now

as we look forward

to our intimacy

with him in the future.

As single people,

we can remain

sexually faithful

knowing whatever pleasure

we miss out on

in this world,

there is something

greater for us

in the next.

There is something

greater for us now.

And so we haven't failed

if we do not have

the sexual experiences

that our culture tells us

we need to have

to be successful.

There is a greater

and better definition

of sex

that God gives us

in his word.

In his book,

Why Does God Care

Who I Sleep With?,

a man named Sam Alberry

gives a wonderful illustration

of mistaking

something small

and missing

something that's big.

He says,

there's a scene

in the movie Amadeus

where the young Mozart

meets Emperor Joseph II

for the first time.

As he is led in,

he is presented

before a man

who is dressed grandly

and looks to be

highly important.

So Mozart instinctively

bows low,

thinking him to be

the emperor.

The man looks horrified

and discreetly points

toward the side

of the room

where the actual emperor

is sitting at a piano.

It is an awkward moment

as Mozart realizes

what he has done

and he quickly goes on

to acknowledge

the real emperor

appropriately.

He mistook

something small,

someone small

for someone great.

That's what we do

when we mistake sex

as the end of our lives,

the greatest thing

we can experience.

Many of us need

to go through

a similar process

when it comes to

marriage and romance.

When we first encounter it,

it can seem so glorious

and resplendent

with significance

that we easily think

it must be ultimate.

How else do we account

for how it can make us feel?

But the fact remains

that it is the purpose

of such things

to point us

to where fulfillment

is really meant

to be found.

In other words,

it's not sex

that gives us

our greatest fulfillment

and meaning in this life.

That's what the world

wants to tell us.

Instead,

it is God

and our relationship

with Him.

He goes on,

one of the ways

that happens

is when we realize

that our relationships

cannot deliver

all that we expect

from them.

If we look to them

to provide

ultimate satisfaction,

we will only

be disappointed.

C.S. Lewis

puts it so vividly,

we are half-hearted

creatures fooling about

with drink

and sex

and ambition

when infinite joy

is offered us.

Like an ignorant child

who wants to go

on making mud pies

in a slum

because he cannot

imagine what is meant

by the offer

of a holiday

at the sea.

We are far

too easily pleased.

To make sexual freedom

our ultimate goal

is to think

that sex

and romance

is simply

an end

in itself.

Sexual temptation

is real.

The destruction

that comes

from sexual temptation

is real.

God has offered us

many ways out.

One of them

is through the relationship

he gives

husbands and wives

in marriage.

But even more than that,

he has offered us

something greater.

He's offered us

himself.

And so whether

single

or married,

we remain

sexually faithful

because of that,

because of Jesus.

We look forward

to that now.

We practice it now

and we'll celebrate it

even more

in the future.

So I invite you

to pray with me.

Our Father in Heaven,

we just thank you

and praise you

for your word

that reminds us

of what's true

when we're tempted

to believe lies.

We ask that you

would help us

in our sexuality,

the temptations

that face us,

that for those of us

who are married,

that we would walk

more and more

together

in our sex lives,

that it would be

something that builds

up and nurtures

our marriage

and it protects us

from temptation.

We ask for those

of us who are single,

for those who desire

a spouse,

that you would provide it.

And for those

without a spouse,

that you would be

faithful to your promise

that there's no temptation

that you haven't

provided escape from.

That you'd give us

not a love of pleasure,

but an even greater love

of what you offer

to us in your Son.

We ask all of these things

in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.