Colossians 3:18-21

Let us all praise God together for the mercy He has shown us in the person and work of Jesus Christ by opening up the Word of God to the book of Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

If you have been gone this summer, you probably not have known that we've been studying through the book of Colossians and we had every intention of finishing it up last week and starting something new this morning, but we just didn't quite get there.

There's probably another, oh, I'm going to guess five weeks out from finishing up the book in total.

And if you have been here, I hope it's been very rich and good to you for your praise of God and for your pursuit of holiness.

This morning's text is Colossians 3 verses 18 through 21.

Colossians 3:18–21

And I read, Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

This is God's Word to us.

It was written for His glory and our good.

And we would all do well to listen to it in order to believe its promises and obey its commands.

Now, over the past four weeks, we've studied together general exhortations for the new self, for the one whom Christ is all.

You can see there in verse 11 of chapter 3.

And we did so from verses 5 through 17.

We talked extensively about what it means to put to death those things that are earthly in us.

And to put on then as God's chosen ones the proper things for those for whom Christ is all.

Today we're going to look at four specific exhortations to wives, to husbands, to children, and to parents.

And Paul gives them to us in a rather rapid fire manner.

They're kind of bang, bang, bang, bang, back to back to back with no prepositional transitions between them whatsoever.

And I believe he does so in this way because they're all connected to the previous exhortations.

Because of who we are now.

If we have placed our faith in Jesus Christ.

If he has sent his spirit into us and changed who we are.

The old has passed away.

The new has come.

Because of who we are now, we will live differently.

Specifically, we will live differently in the way we relate to one another as the church.

That's what 5-17 is really talking about.

About putting off these versions of perverted love and perverted hate.

And putting on these righteous acts and how it is that we live together.

And Paul now narrows that scope down from the broader sense to more specific relationships within the home.

He notes for the Colossian believers and for us.

Particular ways in which the old self manifests itself.

And the new ways in which we should walk.

Now some of you may already be asking the question.

Is this the most appropriate text for a Sunday morning when college students return?

I ask myself the very same question as we work through.

We don't want to dogmatically work verse by verse through a text.

Although this is our normal habit and pattern.

Certainly it could be said that we could have stopped today to talk at length about something that seems to more specifically relate to college students.

But through prayer and study.

I think this is incredibly applicable to where you guys are in your lives.

Because so many of you are so close to this next step.

You're looking right now.

I know I remember being in college for that mate that you'll marry and live out your life with.

It's applicable because you're going to find many of you college students that you are still children.

And so this text has a lot to say to you concerning that.

And so I think very timely for where we are and for this particular Sunday.

Four exhortations for the household of the new self are number one.

This will be the outline for our text.

An exhortation to wives.

Number two, an exhortation to husbands.

Number three, an exhortation to children.

And finally, number four, an exhortation to parents.

So firstly, an exhortation to wives.

Verse 18.

Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

This word, submit, means to place oneself under the leadership of another.

And I want to note this morning five things about the submission of the Christian wife.

So these are your five sub points to point number one.

If you like to outline, keep up.

Today it might be a little hard.

Firstly, it is a submission that is willful.

It is a submission that is willful.

Sub-translations render this verb, be subject to.

But the Greek literally means to subject oneself.

Wives, this is a submission that is given.

Men, this is not a submission that is taken.

It is a submission that is willful.

Wives submitting themselves to their husbands.

Secondly, it is a submission that does not relegate the value of the wife.

It does not devalue the wife.

Now this word submission seems to be a bad word in our day.

It doesn't even get uttered amongst us.

I had someone who I love dearly come and talk to me about the way in which I officiate weddings

and asked me if I thought it was appropriate to even include the word submit or submission in that ceremony

because the turn off it can be to some people to hear the gospel.

And I just simply said I don't know what other word to use.

It's a biblical word.

I will use it because the Bible uses it and I will labor to explain it well.

The word submission or submit even seems to be a bad word in some of our Christian churches.

And so let me ask you kindly, particularly ladies, if this word makes you uncomfortable to hear me out.

Hear what the Bible has to say about submission.

There's a movement in our world of what's called egalitarianism,

which seeks to find genders equal in all respects, in all manner,

versus the view that we hold as a church which is called complementarianism.

And that is that we see men and women as equal,

but that they play different roles.

The second point, it's a submission that does not relegate the value of the wife.

It in no way devalues a wife to submit to her husband,

but rather recognizes her God-ordained role as a wife.

Let me give you a wonderful example of this.

There's no higher example of anything that's right and proper than the example of Jesus Christ.

Jesus subjected Himself to the will of the Father.

He submitted to what the Father had for Him.

This does not make Him a lesser part of the Trinity.

Rather, and in fact, He has been highly exalted because of the way in which He served the Father.

And He will be for all eternity.

If we're to model this, ladies, there's a specific way in which you are to look Christ-like.

And this is one of those ways to submit willingly to your husband.

To understand a bit more of this, it's of great value for us to look at Genesis 1.

You can turn there if you'd like or listen carefully to my reading.

Women have great value in standing in God's eyes.

We see this first telling of the creation of man and woman where it records,

Then God said,

Let us make man in our image after our likeness.

The Trinitarian likeness.

The way in which the Trinity functions together in relationship.

And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,

and over the birds of the heavens, and over the livestock,

and over all of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.

Verse 27.

So, God created man in His own image.

In the image of God, He created him.

Male and female, He created them.

So, ladies, you have great value in the eyes of God,

and in the eyes of this church.

And a willing submission to your husband does not devalue you.

Thirdly, the submission of a Christian wife is a submission that is not contingent on the quality of the leadership it submits to.

It is not contingent.

It is not dependent on the quality of the leadership it submits to.

Notice the simplicity of the exhortation that Paul gives.

He doesn't say, not wives, submit to your husbands when they love you.

Or, wives, submit to your husbands when they lead you well.

Or, wives, submit to your husbands when you feel like it.

But simply, wives, submit to your husbands.

Now, certainly it is easier to submit to loving leadership.

And the next verse speaks to that.

We find often in Christian relationships and otherwise, both positive and negative feedback loops.

If a husband leads well, it's easy for his wife to submit well.

Which makes leading a joy.

It makes leading easier if the wife submits well to that.

And so there's this positive feedback.

One feeds the other and feeds the other.

So often in relationships, one of those proper roles comes to a screeching halt and reverses itself.

And ladies, it's very difficult to submit to a man who doesn't love you the way he should.

So many households are disrupted because men are lazy.

They're laid back.

They don't fulfill the role they're meant to fulfill.

And so women begin to.

And the loop heads off in the other direction.

Negative feedback.

Negative feedback.

Negative feedback.

Someone has to stop that rotation.

As a man, I will put the majority of the blame on men.

But wives, you have to recognize that you're not less responsible for your submission when your husband leads poorly.

You are 100% responsible for the command of God concerning your role.

You will be held accountable for the way in which you submit apart from how your husband leads.

So it's a submission that is not contingent on the quality of the leadership it submits to.

Fourthly, it is a submission that bears the fruit of respect.

It bears the fruit of respect.

I'll step us away from Colossians for a moment to the parallel text, a very similar text that Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus chapter 5.

You may want to go there and put your finger there because we're going to reference it on numerous occasions this morning.

Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 through 24.

Ephesians 5:22–24

Paul writes,

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its Savior.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

So here we see this pattern of exhortation.

Wives, submit to your husbands.

But then at the end of this passage and speaking of this, verse 33, Paul says,

However, each one of you love his wife as himself.

Exhortation to husbands.

And the last part of that, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

So submission, willing submission to a husband, bears the fruit of respect.

Respect, it respects his position as the husband.

Whether or not he does this well, it plays to that.

You are my husband and therefore I will submit to her.

This bears out in the way in which you talk about your husband, ladies.

Are you supportive?

Are you building up?

Do people see you and say, this is a woman that respects her husband?

Or are you a woman that merely tears down and tears down and tears down?

This can sometimes be the problem with women's Bible studies.

They become gripe fests about husbands.

This ought not be so amongst us.

It's a submission that bears the fruit of respect.

And then fifthly and finally, it's a submission that recognizes God's good created order.

The last part of verse 18 says,

As is fitting in the Lord.

As is right and proper for those who are found in Christ.

That's what he is saying.

It recognizes God's good created order.

This is the way that God intended things to be.

The leadership of a husband and the submission of a wife is not a result of the fall.

It was the way things were designed to be before the fall.

The fall disrupted it.

The fall made it hard.

But it was the good thing that God had created.

After the first telling of mankind's creation in Genesis 1, 26-28,

we see Genesis 1, 31,

And God saw everything that he had made.

And behold, it was very good.

And there was evening and there was morning.

The sixth day.

In chapter 2, we see a second telling of the creation story.

And we pick up some details about it.

Genesis 2, 15 says,

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and to keep it.

He gives man a mandate that you are meant to produce and protect the garden.

And then in 2, 18, we read,

Then the Lord God said,

It is not good that the man should be alone.

So everything had been good up to this point in the creation,

but now we see something that is not good.

It wasn't good that man be alone.

And so God says,

I will make a helper fit for him.

A sidekick.

Someone to come alongside the man and help him in this work that's been given to him.

This was the created order.

And it was good.

It's good and proper, ladies, to pursue this.

To submit willfully to your husband.

If your husband doesn't lead you well to pray for him,

that he might.

To encourage him in that.

To help that negative feedback loop come to a halt and move back in the other direction.

Just willingly submit to your husband.

Recognize God as the creator of the universe.

And gives proper respect and worship to the way he intended things to be.

Number two.

You with me?

Back to main point number two.

It's not fair that I can see it and you can't.

An exhortation to husbands.

Men, we are most certainly not off the hook.

An exhortation to husbands.

Husbands, love your wives.

And do not be harsh with them.

We get two exhortations.

One stated in the positive and one in the negative.

Do live this way with your wives.

Do not live this way with your wives.

It seems to me that Paul feels the need to spell it out a little more clearly for us.

I mean this.

I don't mean this.

Fellas.

We're to love our wives.

And I want to note two things about the love of the Christian husband.

Number one.

It is a love that is willful.

The same way that submission is willful for the wife.

Love is willful for the husband.

This love.

This word here used for love is the present tense of the imperative verb agapate.

It's not referring to a love of passion or emotion.

It's not based in how you feel.

This is a love of choice.

It is a covenant love.

Husbands, you chose to marry your wives.

Therefore, you are to love them.

Without condition.

Now and in a continuous manner.

This is the exhortation Paul is giving to Christian husbands.

Husbands, love your wives.

And our culture is destroying the meaning of marriage.

And I'm not referring to homosexual marriage.

I'm referring to all the messed up marriages that we live in and around.

The church is not insulated from this.

This is happening within our churches.

Marriage is such a flippant thing.

It's just the next step in some process of feeling and emotion.

People ought not say, I love you very much, but rather, I lust you very much.

Let's get married.

They have trashed it up and thrown it out.

It is a sacred commitment before God.

It is a commitment to love that woman until death causes you to part.

The Christian man does not fall in and out of love.

These are not words that should come out of our mouths.

And some of you may need to man up by the grace that God provides and love.

Your wives.

When I officiate weddings, I always say this kind of as the close of the preaching component of the ceremony.

I say, remember this.

Your feelings do not sustain the covenant that you are making today.

But the covenant you are making today properly exercised will sustain your love.

And by that, I mean the passionate love for one another.

It is a love of volition.

We choose to love our wives.

Secondly, it is a love that is sacrificial.

Let's look again at the parallel text in Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Paul's a little tougher on the Ephesian church than he is on the Colossian church here.

We are going to look at verses 25-30 of Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Much of feminism in our day is a response to male chauvinism.

Men, you need to hear this.

The way in which you talk about and the way in which you treat women generally.

And those of us who are husbands, the way we treat our wives, often feminism is a response to this.

Many of you know I was a sociology major at University of North Georgia.

Then North Georgia College and State University.

I believe I was a sociology major in one of the darkest times in that degree program.

And I enjoyed that.

I liked going in and being light in a dark place.

I liked having my understanding of the truth challenged at every term.

My favorite professor in college was an atheist, an admitted atheist feminist,

who had both a husband, excuse me, a father.

I've said the word husband too many times.

A father and a brother who were Baptist preachers.

So he knew all of the typical arguments.

And he would get really mad if you made the typical argument.

He would cuss you out if you made the typical argument.

And so he forced, by God's grace, he was such a tool used by God,

he pushed my face into the scriptures because I knew there had to be absolute truth

and that his challenges needed to be answered.

And I had a sociology of religion class with him

where he basically took the entire semester to make the case that Christianity was horrible to women.

And he loosely quoted, didn't send anybody to any text,

but pulled out of context this idea of submission

and how horrible this was, the enslaving of women.

I think it's a response.

I think it's a response to things that he had seen.

And there were girls in the class that just applauded this.

And my heart broke for them.

I don't know the circumstances of their lives,

who their fathers were, what they had experienced and seen.

But one day he was particularly railing

and he actually referenced Ephesians chapter 5,

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

finally referenced something.

And so I simply took my Bible out of my bag

and I had it out on my desk and I was just looking at the text,

not saying a word.

And by God's providential hand,

we're getting close to the end of class

and boy, they were just going at it.

And I was just reading the text

and I was sad for what was going on in the room

because they weren't going on.

They weren't going on to verse 25.

And finally, he's no longer at the school.

His name was Dr. Luck.

He said,

Alright, Nathan.

What do you think?

In that tone.

I hadn't raised my hand.

I think I may have grinned at them a few times.

Maybe this was it.

Alright, Nathan.

What do you think?

I had the great pleasure of turning to the class

and saying,

you have to hear the rest of the text.

You can't stop there.

You can't just stop there.

You can't tear it apart

and do whatever you want with it.

You have to read the rest of the text.

And it reads, beginning in verse 25,

Husbands, love your wives.

And he goes on,

As Christ loved the church

and gave Himself up for her.

Jesus Christ died for the sake of the church.

This is the kind of love

that husbands are meant to show their wives.

Verse 26,

That He might sanctify her,

having cleansed her by the washing of water

with the Word,

so that He might present the church to Himself

in splendor,

without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,

that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way,

husbands should love their wives

as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh,

but nourishes and cherishes it

just as Christ does the church.

because we are members of His body.

So I read that and I just said,

I don't know what experiences you've had in life.

But if you find a man

that is willing to love you this way,

I believe that you will want

to submit to this man.

And the room fell silent.

And Dr. Luck said,

I think that's good for today.

And we left.

And I don't know what happened,

what came of that,

but I was thankful that God allowed me

to speak truth into this situation.

I think that so much feminism,

so much, not all of it,

but so much of it,

is a response to the way in which

men have loved their wives.

And this is meant to be

a sacrificial love.

We become servants of our wives.

We lay down our lives

for the sake of theirs.

John Piper has a wonderful definition of love

that I'm going to give application to here.

He wrote,

Love is doing whatever you need to do

to help people,

insert your wife.

Love is doing whatever you need to do

to help your wife

see and savor the glory of God in Christ

forever and ever.

Love seeks the highest good

of the object of that love.

Husbands, we should love our wives in this way.

We should lead them to Christ

every single day.

And then there's the negative exhortation

to not be harsh with our wives.

Do not be harsh with them.

Different translations render this differently.

The NSB renders this.

Do not be embittered against them.

It could rightly be translated,

Do not have the habit of being embittered.

And what Paul means is,

Do not display a harshness of temper

or resentment toward your wife.

To state the same in the positive,

Appreciate your wife.

Rightly see her as a gift from God,

as a grace to you.

Men, even when they're not easy to see

in this light.

Our wives aren't perfect,

but yet still they're given to us as a gift.

They're sanctifying for us.

They're helpers to us.

They're a helper fit for us.

And we should love them accordingly.

And I can tell you this,

it has been my experience

in my short nine and a half years now

of marriage,

that when I love my wife properly,

she responds in kind.

She so gladly falls into that place

of submission and loves and serves

and supports me.

The more I lovingly lead her,

the more lovely she becomes

as she fulfills her role.

She seems to come to life in that place.

And when I don't love her well,

when she's conflicted on how she's supposed

to act in our home and with our children,

this is when she becomes a challenge to me.

You see that it's not her fault,

but it's mine.

Love your wives as you should.

As I previously stated,

your wife is responsible for 100%

of the command of God concerning her role.

However, if you want to see the quality

of a leader,

look to the quality of those

who are put under his leadership.

Men, this should cause you to quake.

We have a responsibility to our wives.

And many of us are too weak as leaders.

And I hope that this causes you

to run to the grace of God.

He has commanded that you would do this thing.

And He will provide for all that He commands.

Now, to wives and husbands,

your marriage matters.

It matters to you,

but it matters so much more than that.

Firstly, your marriage matters

because of what it is meant to display.

Back in Ephesians 5,

Ephesians 5:31

verses 31 and 32,

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother

and hold fast to his wife,

and the two shall become one flesh.

That's Genesis 2, 32, I believe.

And then Paul goes on to say,

this mystery,

the fact that they leave

and they cleave together,

that they become one flesh,

he says this mystery is profound.

And I'm saying that it refers to Christ

and the church.

Your marriage is not firstly and foremost about you.

Oh, do we reap the benefits of marriage.

There's so much that is good for us about marriage,

but it's not firstly about you.

It's firstly about Christ.

It's a shadow of a thing to come.

And it's meant to portray this

to the world around us.

Your marriage matters

because of what it's meant to display.

Your marriage also matters

because of who is meant to see it.

The world needs to see God's good creation

and praise Him for it.

They need to see that the way

in which God designs things to work, works.

They see that and they go,

this is an amazing thing.

These Christian marriages are astounding to us.

That they may turn and praise God

for the things that He has done.

This church needs to see your marriage

displayed in a healthy manner.

These young people,

so many of these young people,

married folks,

come from broken homes.

Homes that are disrupted.

I cannot believe the more we get to know

college students,

how few college students come from homes

that are healthy.

It's the exception and not the norm.

I hear of a young person

that has a family that's still intact

and I praise God for it.

Wait, you mean your mom and your dad

are still married?

Incredible!

And those that are together

and actually walking with the Lord

and leading in the household,

that are actively engaged

in the life of a church,

it's so slim.

You want to know a way

that you can serve the church?

If you're married, husbands, wives,

even those of you who are young in this,

brand new husbands and wives,

there is a ministry for you.

Wives, submit to your husbands.

Husbands, love your wives

and seek opportunities

to share your lives

with the young adults in our church.

Paul exhorts Titus to this ministry

that people often call Titus 2 ministry,

which is just this idea

that in the church,

there should be a passing along

of skill set,

that older women

should be teaching younger women

how it is they're meant to live.

And the same for older men

to younger men.

I encourage you to go read Titus 2

and I won't for the sake of time

this morning.

Submit to your husbands.

Love your wives.

It has deep and meaningful impact

for you and beyond.

Now a quick aside

concerning dating.

You ready?

The Bible does not speak to us

about dating.

There's no instruction

in the Scriptures

concerning dating.

We believe that this book

is timely,

that it's inerrant,

that it's sufficient.

That means it contains

everything in it

that we need to know

for godly living.

How curious that it excludes

dating.

Some process by which

we're supposed to sort through

all of the people

that we interact with

and find the one.

I grew up at a church,

a large, large church,

where I was actually taught

this was the normal

and healthy process,

that I built my good quality list

and my bad quality list

by getting to know people

of the opposite sex.

Horrible, horrible theology

concerning that.

Christian dating,

we can call it something else.

Some people like to call it courtship.

Some people have a real aversion

to that term.

I don't really care,

so I'm going to call it

Christian dating,

should look much different

than that of the world.

It should look dramatically different

than that of the world.

So much dating today

is just glorified divorce practice.

Now, an aside to my aside.

Most of you,

and I don't know a lot of you,

but I know where you're at

in your stage of life,

most of you do not possess

the maturity to date

as a Christian should.

Your desire for a girlfriend

or boyfriend

is in so many cases

an idol for you.

You worship yourself

or you worship somebody else

or you worship some idea

before God.

If you cannot be satisfied

in Christ,

then you are not ready

to date.

If you look to anyone

other than God

for your approval,

then you are not ready

to date.

If your identity

is solidified

or shattered

based on whether or not

you were in a relationship,

then you are not ready

to date.

If you do not know

if you're ready to date,

then you're probably not.

And let me encourage you,

even if you believe

that you are,

to ask for godly counsel

from someone

who is married,

who's on the other side

of all of the silly feelings

that accompany

single life

and dating.

Ask someone

who's stepped beyond that

and has a little more

clarity of head

to help you

and to examine you

and to see if you're

actually ready

to enter into

a godly relationship

that ends

in marriage.

Enough about that.

Number three,

main point number three,

an exhortation

to children.

Verse 20,

children,

obey your parents

in everything

for this

pleases

the Lord.

Now,

how do we define

a child?

Right?

A little bit of a difficult

thing to do.

We get into some

cultural issues.

Think in the Scriptures,

you saw this rite

of passage

for the Jewish people

around the age

of 12 or 13.

It was called

the Bar Mitzvah.

It was a passage

into manhood.

Many more things

were expected.

In our culture,

we've created

a whole category

of person

that we don't find

in the Scriptures

anywhere,

and that is teenager.

It seems in so many ways

to be the result

of young people worship.

We worship youth

in this country

to such a high degree.

We want to prolong youth,

prolong youth,

prolong.

Many of your parents

wanted to absolve you

of all responsibility

throughout high school

because they just wanted

you to have a great time

because those are

the good old days

and you've got to soak

everything up out of it

that you possibly can.

And so many of you

enter into college

having no clue

how to live life

as an adult.

That's kind of an aside.

I think,

if we're going to take

what we look at

both biblically

and for our culture,

this is the way

I would define a child.

I think that while

you're under

the provision

of your parent,

the primary provision,

your livelihood comes,

your ability to survive

as a human being

comes from your parent,

then you're a child.

This includes many of you

in the room today.

And I don't mean that

as an insult at all.

I just mean to say to you,

how does this exhortation

apply to you?

How do you function

at your age

in this world

in your particular context?

Let's note two things

about the proper obedience

of Christian children.

I have,

you'll note I said

Christian children here.

I think this is the exhortation

that Paul means.

It's been writing to believers

and writing to believers

and writing to believers.

I don't think he means

to turn aside.

So I think that these things

are meant to be exhortations

to Christian children,

obey your parents

in everything.

I have a five-year-old

and a three-year-old,

Cade and Judah,

and they cannot obey everything

Sam and I ask of them.

They're absolutely sinful.

They prove it every single day.

We try and we try

and we try.

And they are bound

to be deceptive.

They're bound

to go around.

I asked Judah the other day

why he did something

and he said,

I was just being sneaky.

Exactly.

Exactly.

So I don't think that Paul,

while we should exhort

our children to obey,

we certainly should,

I think Paul means this,

to be a command

that can be kept

by the power of Christ

in these young people.

So firstly,

it is an obedience

that is not contingent

on the quality

of the leadership

it submits to.

Obedience is an outflow

of submission

and it's not contingent

on the quality

of the leadership.

I know that some

of your parents

don't lead you well.

I know that some

of the things

they ask and require

of you don't make sense.

But it's not contingent

on that.

Obey your parents

in everything.

You ought to obey them.

Disobedience to parents

marks the ungodly.

Paul writes

in 2 Timothy 3, 2,

for people will be

lovers of self,

lovers of money,

proud,

arrogant,

abusive,

disobedient

to their parents,

ungrateful,

unholy.

He goes on

in the next

verse.

Provided

that their desires

do not contradict

the expressed

commands

of God.

Young people

in this room,

obey your parents

in everything,

provided their desires

do not contradict

the expressed

commands

of God.

Jesus anticipated

there would be

people that would

come to faith

in Christ

and their family

would not be

okay with it.

He says in Luke 12,

51-53,

do you think

that I have come

to give peace

on earth?

No, I tell you,

but rather division.

For from now on

in one house

there will be

five divided,

three against two

and two against three.

They will be divided

father against son

and son against father,

mother against daughter

and daughter against mother,

mother-in-law

against her daughter-in-law

and daughter-in-law

against her mother-in-law.

We know as a church

this is real.

We deal with this

type of thing,

pursuing the Lord

and having parents

who don't,

who want us to live

in contradiction

to the expressed

commands of God.

And I'm using that phrase

very carefully

because a common question

asked with young people,

young people want to

go on a particular trip.

Typically,

it's a mission trip.

They want to go someplace

with their summer

and their parents

just aren't comfortable

with it.

Unbelieving parents

say,

I don't want you to go.

That could be dangerous.

I'm not comfortable

with you traveling.

I don't want to spend money

in that way.

And students get so

wrecked over that.

But God wants me to go.

God has called me to go.

Has He?

He's called you

to obey your parents.

That's clear.

Your feeling,

your desire

to go someplace

does not trump

the expressed command

of God

in the Scriptures.

your parents

forbid you

to have faith

in Jesus Christ.

Your parents

forbid you

to meet,

to congregate

with other Christians.

Your parents

forbid you

to share your faith

with your roommate

or your co-worker.

Then you have

God's permission

to go around

their command.

Because you feel

like you want

to do something

is not

a permission

to ignore

the expressed command

of God

to obey

your parents.

I hope that clears

up some frustration

for some of you

this year.

Secondly,

it is an obedience

that seeks

to please God.

And the last part

of that verse,

for this

pleases

the Lord.

Again,

part of His

good created

order.

There's many

strict instructions

in the Old Testament

in the civil law

for those children

who didn't obey

their parents

to be put to death.

Civil law,

it's passed away.

Parents can't do

that under

our nation's laws.

But this is how

seriously

God takes this.

Why?

Because He loves

His creation.

Exodus 20.12

in the Ten Commandments

says,

Honor your father

and mother

that your days

may be long

in the land

that the Lord

your God

is giving you.

There goes

discipline right now.

Right, Liz?

Honor your father

and mother

that your days

may be long

in the land

that the Lord

your God

is giving you.

It will go

good for you

if you obey

your parents.

Ephesians 6.1

Children,

you should know

this one with me.

We've memorized it.

Children,

obey your parents

and the Lord

for this

is

right.

Obedience

to your parents

even at your age,

many of you,

is good

and pleasing

to God.

One other note

before we move on

to the fourth exhortation.

I know I'm running

long on time.

Notice that the children,

at least those

old enough

to understand

the reading

of Paul's letter,

were there.

He doesn't say,

be sure to tell

the children

to obey their parents.

The letter itself,

Paul specifically

addresses the children.

Now, I don't know

what that means.

I can't draw a line

anywhere in the sand,

but I'm just saying

to you,

it's an interesting

place to note

that children

were part of

church gathering.

We're glad for that.

If you're a total guest

and you've never

been here before,

we love kids.

We don't see them

as a burden,

but rather as a blessing

to our church.

We're glad to have them

in our meetings with us.

Okay, fourth,

an exhortation

to parents.

Verse 21,

fathers,

do not provoke

your children

lest they become

discouraged.

You've heard me

a couple of times

now say

there's an exhortation

here to parents

and this is why.

The Greek word

for fathers

is used specifically

for father,

but it's used

generally for parent.

It's used in a broader

sense for parent.

So, translators

get into a spot here.

Well, which way

do we go?

Who is Paul specifically?

Is he talking about

the general parent

or is he talking

about the specific

father?

And many have gone

the father route

and I respect translators.

They are much more

intelligent than I,

but I also respect

commentators who

tend to disagree

with the translators

so very often.

So, let me kind of

break this down.

The primary responsibility,

the primary responsibility

of the raising of children

falls to the husband.

The raising of our kids,

our boys,

in the fear and admonition

of the Lord,

rests on my shoulders.

But praise God,

I've been given a helper

suitable to me,

right?

A good helper.

Someone who I can

task out with things

that can help

in this process

as I go off to work

and she is at home

with the children.

I believe it's more

proper to understand

Paul to be addressing

both parents

because of this.

Even if,

rightly it should say,

fathers,

fathers still have

partners in this process

and so I like to say

parents.

As children have

a responsibility

to their parents,

so parents

have a responsibility

to their children

and it is a higher

responsibility.

Children just simply

get to obey.

Parents have the responsibility

of raising up.

Ephesians 6.4 says,

fathers,

do not provoke

your children to anger

but bring them up

in the discipline

and instruction

of the Lord.

This means that

we are to bring

our children up

in a way

in which they

fear God,

they understand God,

that they get

the Gospel.

And this is a challenge

in the raising

of children.

How to speak

to their hearts

and not just

their minds.

How to help

them to understand

that their disobedience

is ultimately

an offense against

God and not just

mommy or daddy.

It's a work

in our home.

We're always trying

to find ways

in which we can

do this well.

I love now

that Kay and my

five-year-old's

little wheels

are turning

and the things

that I've been

saying to him

since he was

a little guy,

one-year-old,

I'm already trying

to use the right

language with him,

are starting to

click into gear.

He's starting

to get the concept

of sin

and what obedience

to God looks like.

He's starting

to see that I'm

an agent of the

Lord to help him

walk in the way

of the Lord

and therefore

it's right and

proper for him

to obey.

We desperately

want this to bear

fruit in their

lives.

We want our

children to be

regenerate.

We want them

to belong to

the Lord and

honor them with

their lives.

And this is the

great call for

parents to

children.

He says in

this negative

exhortation,

do not provoke

your children

lest they become

discouraged.

This idea of

not provoking

your children

means to stir

up or to

irritate or

to exasperate.

Failure to

not provoke

them can cause

them to become

discouraged.

NASB renders

that to lose

heart or to

be without

courage.

And the

picture there

I think is

this constant

nagging,

nitpicking,

beating down.

You can never

do anything

right in the

sight of your

parents.

Your parents

are on top

of you all

the time.

Always hard.

Always hard.

Always hard.

Never encouraging.

Never helping

the children see

that they have

value and that

they know that

they're trying

and they're

working at it.

Never saying

to the children,

I'm proud of

you.

We could get

into this for

the longest

of time,

but it's

10 till

12,

so I'm

going to

skip a

bit down

in this.

Parents,

we are not

to provoke

our children

unless they

become discouraged.

We don't

want our

kids feeling

like they

can never

do anything

right in

our eyes.

We are to

lovingly train

our children.

The opposite

of this would

be to lovingly

train and

encourage our

children in

the right way.

To correct

them in the

same way that

God corrects

us.

His children.

Children need

to learn that

there are

consistent

consequences

for their

actions.

Consistent

consequences.

Like rules

need to be

made and

consequences for

breaking those

rules and

those things

need to be

followed through.

The writer of

Hebrews says

in chapter 12

verse 6,

for the Lord

disciplines the

one he loves

and chastises

every son

whom he receives.

It is good

and right

and proper

that we

discipline

our children.

Children need

to properly

understand

grace.

We should

not dismiss

their disobedience

but give

loving

discipline.

I hear this

a lot in

the talk of

Christian

parents.

I'll tell you

now that it's

laziness.

It's not well

motivated.

It's just

laziness.

But the

passing over,

the sometimes

punishing and

the sometimes

not intending

to display

the character

of God,

God did

not pass

over our

sins in a

dismissive way

like,

well,

I'm just

going to

look at

Nathan and

I'm just

not going

to discipline

Nathan for

all of his

sin.

No,

God fully,

in a way I

can never

do with my

children,

God fully

punished my

sin in

Christ.

The punishment

had to be

dealt out.

That was the

just thing for

God to do.

He took all

of my

sin and

he laid

it on

Christ.

The perfect,

the spotless,

the one who

had lived a

sinless life.

He gave it

to him and

then he gave

me his

righteousness.

This double

imputation that

occurred in

that way.

So now I

can stand

justified before

God having

to have all

my sins

forgiven because

they were

punished in

Christ.

And I can

now be an

adopted son

in right

standing with

the Lord.

By just

ignoring some

of the things

our children

do, we

don't accomplish

this.

We don't

teach them

the gospel.

The way you

teach your

children the

gospel is

that you

punish them

when they

sin and

then you

talk to

them about

sin and

the ultimate

punishment for

sin and

you tell them

that you

love them and

that they're

yours and

they'll never

not be

yours.

We always

reconcile after

punishment in

our house.

Right?

After I wear

Cade's rear end

out and he's

done thinking

about what he

did, we go

have a conversation

about why he

was punished,

that he sees

it's the

consequence for

what he

did.

It's not

because dad's

mean, it's

because he

broke my

law and

therefore a

punishment was

necessary for

that.

And I always

tell him that

he's my son

and I love

him and that's

why his

obedience is so

important to

me because I

want what's

good and

what's right

for him.

That's grace.

This is the

way that God

deals with us.

That when Cade

is disobedient to

me that I

don't kick him

out on the

street and

say you're

not my son

anymore.

I want

nothing to do

with you.

Good luck,

five-year-old.

The fact that I

don't do that

is grace.

That I love

him in this

way.

Children need

to properly

understand grace.

And so do

we.

We need to see

that relationship

with God and

children are so

very helpful for

us in this.

And so there's

four exhortations

for the

household of

the new

self.

One to

wives, one to

husbands, one to

children, and

one to parents.

The one for

whom Christ is

all, the one

who treasures

Christ above all

else, will live

differently than

they once did and

will live

differently than

the world that

surrounds them.

We shouldn't

take these

exhortations lightly

this morning because

Christ Family

Church exists to

glorify God by

experiencing,

proclaiming, and

displaying the

supremacy of Jesus

Christ in all

things to all

peoples.

Let's pray

together.