Why We Do What We Do The Way We Do What We Do: Intergenerational Church

As previously mentioned, this is a bit of an abnormal Sunday morning in that we actually won't spend much time in Ephesians chapter 6 or any other particular text.

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

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So, we're going to talk about how it is that God intends for children to be trained, and we're having to apply our thoughts for our culture and draw out then how it is we should best do this thing.

So, we'll look, and we'll look at some of the clear commands to parents to train up their children, the fear and admonition of the Lord, and then we'll talk about how and the why of what we're doing here.

I'd fit this sermon into a category of sermons that we kind of do periodically, why we do what we do and why we do what we do the way we do what we do, which sounds funny to hear.

It's even funnier to type it out, so if you ever are at your computer and you need a laugh, type that sentence, why we do what we do and why we do what we do the way we do what we do.

And I think it's timely. There's just times we need to stop and pause and think together about how it is that we arrange ourselves as a church, work within the gray areas of the commands of God for church,

put some clear boundaries on what we should do together as a church, but then how do we carry all of it out together.

Certainly, our fellowship is odd in a lot of ways, and there are going to be guests amongst us who will come and go, what in the world?

And at very least, we need to have these kinds of conversations so that you can say, well, let me explain to you why we do what we do and why we do what we do the way we do what we do.

You need to be able, for the sake of guests or those that you might invite to prime them so you become part of the messaging of our church.

We also find that some parents in our church may need some help in the process of training children,

children, and it certainly could be helpful to have convictions renewed, to again remember the why of it.

Oh yeah, it's so good, the why, which fuels us to work on the how of it.

Some may need just some practical help, just some things that have been learned across the years

as a congregation of having children meet with us in our services together.

And I think that some of the non-parents in the room, so I think this time together shouldn't be lost on those without children.

It's not just necessarily for you thinking about having children someday,

but that you would consider how it is you ought to participate as we work together as a people to raise children.

God has saved people, not just you.

Certainly I hope that's true of you, that He has in fact saved you.

But more than that, the higher thought is that as Jesus hung on the cross and received the wrath of God,

He was receiving the wrath of God for the sins of the church.

He called out a people for His possession.

And therefore, when we come together with the church, we shouldn't be only thinking about our interests.

We should be looking instead to the interests of others and considering how it is that we can serve others,

preferring them over ourselves.

And so there's things I think this morning that need to be said that are going to be beneficial for all of us

as we work together to be an intergenerational church.

And let me explain why that word, what a word it is.

Very often our church gets framed as a family-integrated church.

And I shy away from that term, and I hear many of you still use the term family-integrated,

which very often simply means kids are in the service.

And that's usually how you're using it when you do that.

However, I prefer that we not use that term because of what often gets connected with that.

In fact, there are many who would suggest that if you do not have children in your main gathering with you,

that you're in sin, the church is not doing church as God intended the church to be done.

And I will tell you right now that we don't hold that view.

We're not looking down our noses at every other church in our area that may have something provided for children

during the main gathering and saying, not a biblical church.

We're not doing that.

And some that would call themselves family-integrated, not all, but some do in fact do that.

And so I think that's a thing we want to be careful of.

We have had guests, families, guests here that feel that way after leaving.

They say, we can't do this thing, and we don't appreciate that you're telling us we're wrong to go to any other church.

And I go, we didn't say that.

Well, some of you have, in essence, said that to these families.

So we want to be really, really clear about that, right?

We are trying to apply biblical wisdom in the way we meet.

You'll hear me say often, this seems like the best thing right now to help us follow the commands of God.

I don't think it's the only way to accomplish this.

I also decided not to use the term multi-generational, and many of you might think that'd be an easier word to use.

But as I think about educational disciplines, when you bring together multiple disciplines to accomplish a goal,

this is often called multidisciplinary work.

But each person has their own expertise, and they come and they offer their expertise to solve a solution.

Intergenerational communicates something a little bit different.

Interdisciplinary work means that certainly some people may have an expertise,

but they come together and they learn each other's expertises in order to solve a problem.

It has a much more together feel to it.

And so, we are a faith family.

We're meant to be working to that kind of degree of relationship, right?

That we pick up and bear each other's burdens and offer support and help in that way,

which is why I prefer the term intergenerational.

And so, as we talk about being an intergenerational church,

it doesn't just mean that kids are in the service with us.

It means that we're a gathering of believers that love and care for all generations, right?

Titus chapter 2 ministry, right?

Titus 2 · chapter mention

Older men and older women ministering to younger men and younger women.

Because we believe that all generations add to the vitality of the church, right?

That we need one another in walking out the Christian faith.

You have heard me say, and maybe I'm unintentionally becoming known for saying,

if you always hang out with your idiot friends, you'll always be an idiot.

And I don't mean to insult your friends, right?

But if you find yourself in a demographic box,

you don't get the shared experience of people outside of that particular demographic.

And so, we need one another, right?

I need parents who have gone before me as an example, right?

Both the lessons that they learned in how not to do things,

as well as how to do things.

I need people I can ask questions of.

I need the zeal of young people in our church, right?

It is very easy for me to get comfortable.

Man, I love having a bunch of young people who are ready to go take on the world with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I need to be spurred on in that way.

These are just some examples of how it is we come together as an intergenerational church,

seeking to honor God with all that we do together.

One aspect of that, one aspect, and it seems to be a prominent aspect,

it's certainly the most contested application of that thinking,

is that we encourage congregants to bring their children to sit with us in the congregational gathering.

This is certainly not without its pains, right?

We do have our moments, don't we?

I've said to you before, of all people,

I'm preaching and trying to keep a train of thought,

that when there's the outburst, I'm with you in that.

We push through and we press on.

And we do so because there's something that undergirds this type of thinking.

There's a reason that we are gathering together in this way.

Let me again say, we do not assert that it is wrong to age segregate.

We have, I talked about it earlier this morning,

a time on Sunday evenings where we're going to do that very thing.

We're going to have some stuff for kids,

and we're going to have some stuff for adults.

Certainly there's times where it's good for us to gender segregate,

let the women get together and talk about things that guys don't want to hear about,

and vice versa for the ladies.

There are moments for this.

And certainly a church can.

I think it's possible.

I just think it's difficult in our age.

Have programs provided for children and still encourage and support

and find parents living out their God-given responsibility

to train up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

I do think this is possible.

We just see that we live in a culture that's so highly specialized

that parents are so quick,

so ready to give away their responsibilities

to the quote-unquote professionals.

So often with schools, with coaches.

And we see this very thing happen in the church as well.

We, without intention, often in our culture,

reduce parents to merely being chauffeurs,

just getting kids to the place that they're meant to be,

where the highly trained professional can help them.

And the Bible doesn't speak in these terms, beloved.

The Bible never commands the church to raise children.

The Bible never commands a particular parachurch ministry to raise children.

The Bible commands parents to raise children.

And so you can take comfort as a parent that this command has been given to you

and therefore the grace necessary to fulfill it will be also given to you.

And you don't have to give away this responsibility to another.

And so that's what we're hoping to accomplish.

We're hoping to very clearly place that responsibility on the shoulders of parents

and then do all kinds of things, which we'll talk about in a bit,

to support that work, right?

To say, this is a heavy load and we want to bear it with you.

But it is your load.

In the great day of judgment, I'll be held accountable for all kinds of things that I do

and say and feel.

Certainly my leadership of many of you.

But I don't believe that I'm going to be held accountable for the children of our church.

I think that accountability is going to be yours.

My part in that is how have I helped you pastor your kids in your home?

And that's why we want to be careful about how we do this very thing.

So CFC as an intergenerational church believe it's a parent's full responsibility,

full responsibility to train children and teach them how to worship and learn about God.

So quickly, let's look at Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4.

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

And I'll look at a couple of other passages as well.

Right after a command for children to obey their parents,

in verse 4, Paul says,

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,

but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

So it's commanded here, right?

And a few other places.

Deuteronomy chapter 6 and verse 7.

Deuteronomy 6 · chapter mention

You shall teach the commandments of God diligently to your children

and shall talk of them when you sit in your house

and when you walk by the way

and when you lie down

and when you rise.

There's a general application of wisdom given to us

from Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 6.

Proverbs 22 · chapter mention

Train up a child in the way he should go.

Even when he is old,

he will not depart from it.

And so we have these very clear commands to us as parents

to train our children.

It's our responsibility to educate.

Parents, even if someone else is doing that,

if your child is in public school,

for example,

you are responsible for what they are learning.

You need to be aware of their curriculum.

You need to be asking them many tough questions.

And oh, the discernment our young people need

as they're in public education.

We have to labor in this

because the labor has been given to us.

Non-parents,

we want to support the parents in our church.

We want to do everything that we can

to help them pick up this mighty task

that has been given to the parents of our church.

The 19th century English Baptist pastor,

you guys know I love,

Charles Spurgeon,

who was a big proponent of Sunday school,

which was four children at its inception,

once said,

let no Christians fall into the delusion

that Sunday school is intended to ease them

of their parental duties.

The first and most natural condition of things

is for Christian parents

to train up their own children

in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

And so anything that we do together as a church

or a relationship you might even develop

with the child that is not your own

ought to be done in support of

that work of parents with their kids.

That's why I pray on Sunday morning

with the kids from Lethia Way.

We ask that what we do here

and what these children's parents do with them

day in and day out in their homes

turn them to repentance and to faith.

We merely want to come alongside, right?

Because it is biblical for parents

to bear the responsibility for child training.

Our children need to be taught the things of God

and they need to be taught

that they stand in this world

underneath the authority of God

and under your authority as parents.

This is so incredibly important for them

that they see what good, loving, kind authority

looks like in their lives, right?

Corrected and trained for their good.

We talk all the time with our boys

about disciplinary action after the fact,

after one of them has bent over a knee

and they have gone and thought about what they did.

We ask, why is it important to obey your parents?

And the answer that we are always prodding along

is because God who loves them gave us to them

and we love them.

We love you.

That's why you need to obey.

Our children should be learning this

through our parenting, right?

Beyond just the specifics of what we teach,

they need to be learning

that the world functions with authority, right?

God first and foremost

and then subservient authorities under that.

A great problem with our society today

is that there are so many who function

as if there is no authority

and there is no consequence

for anything that they do.

And boy, are they grossly awoken

when consequences do in fact arise, right?

There is authority placed over us.

We are not completely free

to do whatever we would do.

Praise the Lord, right?

He governs over us.

He keeps us safe.

He restrains our wickedness by these things.

And our children need to learn this.

So, it's biblical for parents

to bear the responsibility

for child training.

Children need to learn authority.

They need to be also trained to learn.

This is not a thing

that children pick up immediately.

I think we might have in our congregation

some kindergarten teachers,

if not some that are in those early years.

And they know that one of the major works

that's done when a child is already

five and six years old

in the public school system

is to get them to sit still

and to be quiet and to pay attention.

They should learn this much before that happens, right?

Long before.

They waste almost a year

of that education

just learning to learn.

We are meant as parents, right?

To instruct, to show them

how it is they're meant to act later in life.

Sam and I remind each other often

that we're not raising boys.

We're raising men, right?

We're starting with the end in mind.

Who do we want these young boys to become?

And oh, the many years of work

it will take to get them to that place.

And now as my oldest is eight,

I see those years fleeting.

They're going by so very quick.

There is so much work to be done

with our children.

We primarily want our children

to learn, to learn,

because we want them to learn

the things of God, right?

That they would understand

who God is

and His righteous requirement of them.

That they would see

their absolute inability

to keep His good commands.

And that they would flee to Christ

by repentance and faith.

We want our children

to be able to listen to

and understand the instruction

of the Bible.

Romans 10.17 says that

faith comes from hearing

and hearing through the Word of Christ.

Children and others,

or parents and others,

if we care about the children

of our church,

we should care that they're being trained

to learn.

To learn the things that matter most

in their lives.

We want the Word of God

to be accompanied by

the Spirit of God

that our children would believe.

Spurgeon, again, says,

it is not your instruction

that can save the souls

of your children.

It is the blessing

of the Holy Spirit

accompanying your labors.

So parents,

we get in there

and we work,

we teach,

we teach,

we teach,

we teach,

we teach and we pray

that God would save

our kids.

Our efforts are so

incredibly feeble.

But we can take heart

that the lives of our children

lay not in our hands,

but in the hands

of our good

and faithful Father.

See,

I can press on.

That's no problem.

So children need to be trained

to learn.

Children also

need to be trained

to be part

of a church.

By sending children

to a different room

to be separated

from the

quote-unquote

adult service,

they learn

that whatever

is taking place

in the church gathering

is not meant

for them.

If little ones

are starting off

in circumstances

that make it seem

like they are not

valued in the church,

when does that

thinking change?

When are they taught

that it is simply

not true?

We value you

when you turn

five.

The things of God

are going to be

made available to you

when you turn

three,

whatever that

may be.

When do we begin

helping our kids

understand

that what we do

together as a church

is valuable,

which means it's

valuable for all

of us?

in many churches,

the youth have

their own service.

If you're a teenager,

you're pulled out

of the quote-unquote

adult service,

which are often

just an extension

of children's church.

The kids haven't

learned,

right,

how to sit

and to listen

and to appreciate

the things of God.

And in many churches,

the adult service

has become

little more

than an extension

of the youth service.

It's centered

on entertainment,

wrapped up

in emotion

because

these adults

have never been

taught to grow up.

Our Christian culture

is failing to train,

so we have many

spiritual adolescents

and adults

of our day.

This is a

tragic thing

kids need

to learn.

Some of you

probably came here

and at the outset

thought,

this is kind of boring.

You're likely

a result

of the culture

that entertained you

and entertained you

and entertained you.

And while we want

people to really enjoy

when we gather together,

we're not being boring

by design.

I want you to know

that it is also okay

with us as a church

if what we do

is a bit boring

to the nominal Christian

who comes in and says,

I just don't feel

entertained.

The plea to them

is, well then grow up.

We're talking about

the things of God.

We're singing

and praying

and opening up

the scripture together.

So you see how

we can as a church

start early

and I hope

turn the tide

of this young generation.

We want to raise,

as the Puritans

would say,

churchmen.

I want my boys

to understand

the great value

of the congregation

gathering together

and doing deep

and weighty things

to the glory of God.

So children need

to be trained

to be a part

of the church.

Children need

to be trained

for self-control.

people.

And we have had

just so many,

and so many parents

that I would say

are great parents

come and say,

we just can't do it.

We just can't do it.

It is not unreasonable

to expect a child

to be able to learn,

learn,

to process,

to sit through

an entire sermon.

It is not unreasonable.

If we believe

an hour's worth

of good behavior

is too much

to ask

of our children,

then we are fiercely

underestimating

our children.

If you begin

to actually throw

some effort

into training your kids,

you will be astounded

at what they can

accomplish.

I'm going to use

as an example,

and we are not

a perfect example.

My wife,

I think with fair success,

pulls it off

each week

for the last

eight years

with no help

from me.

If you have

both a mom

and a dad

sitting with your kids,

you are at a great

advantage

to my family,

and yet somehow

from age two,

and we can even

back up,

Silas was much younger,

they are able

to sit

and do that work,

and it is not

because our kids

are just good tempered.

They are not.

I have wonderful

children,

but they have

had to be trained.

They have had to

learn how to do

what it is

they are doing

here and in other

places as well.

We have to teach

them self-control.

I am fearful

for this generation

and their ability

to hold jobs

because guess what?

A lot of life

is going to be

mundane

and boring.

You are going to

sit down at a job

and do data entry

for eight hours

a day,

but as a child

you can't sit

still for an hour.

Oh, the tragedy

that will ensue

from such a thing.

Silas, my two-year-old,

is sitting very quietly,

at least at this moment.

Hey, buddy.

And doing quite well.

Sam's going,

yes, he's doing well.

Don't interrupt.

Don't interrupt

what he's doing well.

But by teaching

our children

to sit through

a church gathering,

they're learning

a number of

important and

profitable habits

that translate

into other areas

of their life.

The youngest children

amongst us

are primarily

learning self-control.

People say,

why are you having

the kids in the service?

What's the point?

Clearly,

I'm not going to go

and ask Silas later

what he learned

from the sermon.

He has no idea

what I'm talking about.

He heard his name

and he looked up.

That was the extent of it.

But he's learning

something extremely important

which is going to feed

into many greater

and more important things.

He's learning

to sit still now

and then he'll begin

to learn from sermons

as time progresses on.

So it does matter.

It is helpful

and important.

Our little ones

have an absolute,

I mean,

it is incredible

how much energy

they have,

isn't it?

I mean,

it is just oozing

out of them

and they're going

to need to learn

how to dial it back

and to sit down

and to be quiet.

Children also gain perspective

by being trained

to stay

for the congregational gathering.

They come to understand

that not everything

revolves around

their need

for entertainment.

They are learning

at a very,

very young age

to put others

before themselves.

We have had

countless conversations

with our children

about not being distracting

to others

because others

are here to listen

or to sing

or to, right?

That what they do

affects other people

and they should be concerned

about that type

of thing.

from a very early age

they're able

to begin

getting this concept.

Like,

this is a huge thing

for us to even understand

as adults.

How much better

if we start early?

Like,

we get the seed

planted in them

and it begins to grow

so they will begin

to understand

the world

does not revolve

around you.

Right?

So,

doing this

takes work.

It takes work.

Know that

sacrifice is required

and your patience

will probably run out

before

it gets stronger.

But it's also important

to know

that as a church

we've made a commitment

to working this out

together

that we're

here for you.

You're not alone

in this effort.

We are pleased

that if you are here

that you are even

giving it an effort.

Like,

that is a wonderful,

wonderful thing

that you're

trying

to do this

and you need

to be encouraged

in continuing

to try

to do this.

And so,

in the effort

of doing it,

let me just give you

some practical tips

for the how.

First,

we cherish

Sunday mornings.

The most valuable step

in training

a child

to sit through

and participate

in church gatherings

is to cherish

church gatherings.

Parents,

if you don't act

like you're happy

to be here,

your children

are going to pick

that up.

It's a great service

to them

if you make

Sunday

the most important

day of the week.

If you're excited

about what we get

to do

together

on Sundays,

we sat through

a particularly

long thing

where the boys

were expected

to be quiet

and when we got

out from it,

Cade noted

that it was

longer

than a church

gathering

and Judah said

it was more

boring

than a church

gathering.

And,

of course,

for a second

my feelings

are hurt

because I don't

really want

our gatherings

to be boring

to my children.

It's not what

I hope for

them,

but it gave me

an opportunity

to talk about

why it shouldn't

be boring

to them.

Oh,

it's the greatest

thing we do.

It's way better

than,

and I can fill

in the multiple

blanks of things

that my children

really enjoy

going to go do,

but to show them

that I think

it's the most

important thing.

I think

it's best.

Non-parents,

you can help

us with this,

right?

Being attentive,

right?

Showing up

on time,

minimizing

bathroom breaks,

right?

Show the kids

around you

that what we're

doing is important

to you,

right?

I love as much

as the next person

when a kid is

on a parent's

shoulder and

they're smiling

at me.

Don't start

entertaining them.

Smile back

and then pay

attention,

right?

That's the thing

you can do

for them.

Stare beyond

them to what's

happening with

us in the room

at that time.

Whether you

treat being

at church

as a delight

or as a duty,

your children

will notice.

It will make

a difference

to them

and impact

their young

hearts.

The contemporary

pastor,

John Piper,

suggests that

parents should

be jealous

to model

for their

children

the tremendous

value they

put on reverence

in the presence

of Almighty

God.

This is a

great work.

Okay?

So we cherish

Sunday mornings.

We also

practice.

This is a

step that is

often overlooked.

Children do

not have tests

without homework,

ideally,

and they're

not put into

a game

without first

going to

practice,

ideally,

right?

You cannot

expect that

this is the

best place

to train

a child.

It just

isn't the

best place

to train

a child.

We

discipline

our children

differently

in our

living room

than we

could in

this room.

Now,

they could

get taken

out of

this room

and disciplined

in the same

way,

but I am

much more

quick to

deliver discipline

of the

physical form

in my

living room

than I

would be

here.

I don't

think people

would appreciate

hearing a little

outcry and

hearing the

smack that

would follow

that,

and then the

crying that

would ensue.

This isn't

the best

place.

And we

across the

years have

encountered

a parent that

really tries to

work it out

here,

and so there's

the noise

and the

shh and

the noise

and the

shh and

the noise

and the

shh and

the noise

and the

shh and

the noise

and the

shh.

And it's

more distracting.

And the

child's not

comprehending

what's going

on in

that space.

It's not

actually the

thing that's

most needful,

right?

What they

need is to

be trained at

home and

then brought

here,

and we'll

talk a bit

more about

placing

expectations and

consequences on

the children at

that time.

The practice

at home is

absolutely

necessary.

Start small,

take steps,

best suit your

children and

their age,

and grow in

it.

So a

wonderful

suggestion from

the Zwimkes.

If you don't

know the Zwimkes,

I am sorry for

that.

previous members

of our

church that

are serving

in Germany

right now,

every one of

their five

girls,

Kathleen did

what she

called blanket

time,

and she did

that largely.

She was

training them

up to

self-discipline,

but she did

that largely

to have the

kids in the

service,

gave them a

blanket with

quiet toys,

and expected

them to be

quiet,

in infancy,

to be quiet.

She was able

to sit with

them and

correct them,

to be right

there and

ready to

bring correction

to help them

understand what

that looks like.

So you could

do something

like that at

home and

then bring it

here as well.

You're welcome

to put a

blanket in the

aisle.

The fire

inspector never

shows up on

a Sunday

morning.

So think

about things

you could

implement at

home and

then bring

with you here.

We, with our

boys, had a

little seat that

you strapped a

kid into,

and we worked

at home on

helping them

learn to be

quiet at

home, and

they sat in

a chair here,

and it made

sense to them.

If I sit here,

I can nibble on

Cheerios as long

as I'm quiet.

So you can work

on these types

of things.

You could have

other forms of

quiet play with

older kids, and

let me tell you,

if you're a parent

and you feel like

you have no extra

time in your day,

you are going to

love doing this

kind of training

because it's

going to give

you time in

your day.

We do at our

house, I call it

book time.

The boys know

exactly what I'm

talking about,

and it's usually

when my brain's

about to explode

from the noise

in the house,

and I've almost

always got a book

with me that I

would love to

read, and I

sit them on the

couch.

They get a big

stack of books

each, and they

sit on the couch.

They were doing

this before any

of them were

readers, just

looking at pages

of books, and I

sit in a chair next

to them, and I

can bring

correction, verbal

correction, loudly,

Judah.

Judah, we're being

quiet right now.

You know you're

supposed to be

quiet.

And we worked

our time up in

that way, so now

I expect 45

minutes, and they

sit there very

quietly for 45

minutes and look

at books, and

we're working with

our two-year-old

Silas to join in

on that.

I expect it for a

while, and then I'll

let him off the

couch and go do

something else,

because his poor

little body is

freaking out.

Right?

So you need to

practice at home, and

you need to be

appropriate, and you

need to work your

way up.

It's difficult to

expect absolute

silence from your

children.

Please know I don't

expect absolute

silence from your

children, but your

children can be

taught to control

their volume.

Even a little one

can learn how to

whisper.

I use a hand

symbol.

Instead of shushing,

I go like this, and

they get it.

Because when I go

like this, I start

talking more

quietly.

And it's really

incredible how

smart they are, and

how they can pick

that kind of thing

up.

So you can teach

your kids to bring

their volume down,

so that if they do

need something when

we're meeting

together, they can

ask for it

appropriately.

Right?

If you need to,

sit with your kids,

join them on the

couch, on the

floor, set some

time aside in your

day to actually

show them what it

looks like to do

the thing you're

asking them to do.

Like, don't give

them a far-off

concept of what it

means to sit

quietly.

Tell them and then

show them what it

looks like to sit

quietly.

We periodically have

a little share

circle in our house,

and I teach the

kids how to ask

nicely and to share,

and I'm still doing

this with our

eight-year-old who

now thinks it's the

most boring,

ridiculous task, but

yet hasn't learned

how to do it.

And so we model

what it looks like.

Right?

And we're looping

now a two-year-old

into that process of

asking nicely and

saying, thank you.

And if your brother's

not ready to share

yet, what do you do?

Right?

You don't yell and

hit.

So our children need

this kind of thing

modeled out for them.

The greatest benefit

gained from practicing

at home is being

able to continually

worship as a family

throughout the week.

So you can train at

home by doing

family worship at

home.

Picking up these

important things that

we do on Sunday

mornings and doing

that in your home as

well.

It's a wondrous thing

for children to

understand that God

does not only exist

on Sundays.

This building isn't

somehow holy, the

place in which we

come and meet with

him.

But those who are

God's people are

God's dwelling place.

And so in every day,

our kids need to see

us as parents excited

to talk about him,

to share what we

know with them.

And I will tell you,

parents, if you want

to really understand

the things of God,

try to explain it to

a three or four or

five-year-old.

Try to bring it down

to their place.

Meditate on it

yourself in that way.

I hope sometimes

Aletheia Way serves

you just because you

go, oh, you said

that in the simplest

of terms.

And what a glorious

truth that is.

It's a good thing to

consider.

Okay, we give clear

expectations.

We give clear

expectations.

You have to communicate

to your children in

advance what you

expect of them.

Beloved, adults

behave this way.

Have you ever had a

job where you didn't

really know what your

boss wanted of you and

he never quite seemed

happy with you?

I've had some of those

and I hated it.

Just tell me what you

expect so I can make

you happy and go home

thinking I've done my

job at the end of the

day.

So tell your kids what

it is that you expect

of them.

And there can be

variance in that, the

expectations you have

for your kids.

Some parents are going

to want their kids to

sit perfectly still,

attentive, listening to

every word that comes

out of my mouth.

Some parents are going

to let their kids look

at books or draw or do

mazes or whatever.

That is fine.

Just let your kids know

what it is that you're

expecting of them.

Please include in that

not being distracting.

Right?

Not being distracting.

Like what we are doing

together is weighty.

The primary thing we're

doing is not helping you

train your kids.

The primary thing we're

doing is gathering

together to be equipped

for every good work.

So keep that in mind.

Alongside of your

expectations for them,

make sure they know what

can be expected when

they misbehave.

As you lay out

expectations for their

behavior, have clear

consequences for

disobedience.

This is what will happen

if you don't obey.

Be consistent with your

children by always

following through with

stated consequences.

And this absolutely gets

repetitive.

It absolutely does.

But repetition is a key

in training little ones.

So you guys all know how

I like to alliterate and

it seems like everything I

alliterate in my world

starts with a C.

This is no exception to

that.

If you ask me what our

philosophy for training our

children is, I will tell

you clear expectations,

clear consequences,

and consistency.

We absolutely have to

follow through with our

children.

So clear expectations,

clear consequences,

promises, and consistency.

Next, we are prepared.

We are prepared.

Prep your children for

coming to church, right?

Part of that is stating

expectations, right?

You can turn their minds to

what is important about the

day.

If you have older children,

you begin to talk to them

about last week's text,

what we may be preaching

about this week, although

these days, who knows what

text we'll be in.

But typically, you can look

at where we are in the

Scripture and see, with a

fair guess, what verses

will come next in our

verse-by-verse exposition.

It helps to hit the ground

running, take the kids to

the bathroom before you come

inside, have their things

ready to go.

So when we sit down and it's

time to open God's Word and

preach, you're not fumbling

through backpacks and opening

up loud containers, right?

Let me suggest to you, bags

that aren't crunchy and food

that's not crunchy and toys

that don't bang together,

like, think about things that

are quiet because it'll keep

them quiet, right?

As they're seeing, I don't

make noise with the stuff

that I'm playing with.

It'll help keep their volume

down.

But as they get louder here,

they feel a little more

justified to speak up over the

top of.

So it can be really, really

helpful to be thoughtful of

that, right?

Like a pencil bag that, right,

maybe has a quiet Ziploc thing

in its cloth rather than a

giant Ziploc bag that has to

be crunched in and out of to

get things in and out of it.

Could be an example of

something like that, right?

You don't want your kids

frantically jumping up and

down and trying to find their

stuff, right?

When we begin to sit down

together, it'll help them come

sit down, settle in for our

time, right?

You have to prepare yourself

as well.

It will be hard to fully

listen to an entire sermon

with a squirmy, noisy

toddler.

Amen, parents?

This means that you cannot

expect a Sunday morning to be

your only biblical fuel for

the week.

This is true for every single

one of us, right?

This can't be it.

You will be malnourished if

this is the only Bible you

get.

You see this morning,

you're getting very little

of it, right?

Ephesians chapter 6 and

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

verse 4.

So, what should we be doing

throughout the week, right?

We ought to be feeding

ourselves from the Holy

Writ every single day.

Being filled up with the

Bible will help you come

here and maybe miss the

third point from the second

point.

And you'll be okay if you do

that thing.

Go back and listen to the

recording or ladies, ask your

attentive husband what was

said there, right?

Sermons are necessary, but

they are certainly not

enough.

They're certainly not

enough.

And as you teach your

children, as you prepare your

children, right?

Keep in mind, for those of us

with young children, these are

working years and there will

come reaping years.

This is another Kathleen's

Wimke mantra.

mantra.

And if you guys know those

Wimkes, you knew how

wonderfully obedient her older

girls were.

They were just a joy to have

around because they were

really invested in as young

children.

So, keep that in mind as we're

doing the hard work of training

our kids, right?

That we are going to reap a

reward for that kind of work.

As your children grow, if they

are trained, what a blessing

it would be, what wonderful

things would be, that they

will be able to learn right

alongside of you.

And you will learn together as a

family, right?

To sit together and to hear

God's Word preached, to have

conversations about it all

afternoon, right?

Until nap time comes.

What a glorious thing that would

be.

Okay, we discipline.

Proper discipline can be a

difficult thing to navigate, but

we can be sure that it is

necessary.

Proverbs 22, 15 says that

folly is bound up in the heart

of a child, but the rod of

discipline drives it far from

him.

So, we're talking about

corrective discipline.

Later in Proverbs 29, verse 15,

Proverbs 29:15

the rod and reproof give

wisdom, but a child left to

himself brings shame to his

mother, right?

And the Scripture encourages

this kind of corrective

discipline.

Disciplining our children,

Voddie Bauckham writes, is

not about teaching them to

behave in a way that won't

embarrass us.

We are working towards

something much more important

than that.

We're actually raising our

children with a view toward

leading them to trust and to

follow Christ.

So, after expectations are set

and children understand them,

make sure they know the

consequences for

disobedience.

It is good practice to use

the same course of discipline

as you would at home.

Don't confuse them.

There's different standards and

consequences on Sunday than

there are other days of the

week, right?

Again, for us, we have to

remove our children to do the

same thing at home from the

room.

You probably will have to as

well.

Remember to take advantage of

that time at home when you're in

an environment where discipline

is much, much easier to

administer.

When you take your kids out of

this room, work not only to

explain what they're doing

wrong, but how it is

disobedient and why that

disobedience is not okay.

You don't want to just blindly

discipline without also

verbally correcting, helping

them to understand, even at the

very youngest age.

Young parents ask Sam and I

often, when do you start

disciplining your kids?

And we say, on the changing

table.

You have to begin setting

expectations, and our first

expectation is don't roll over.

That's it.

I'm doing a really, really,

really hard operation here.

If I'm going to not have to

take a scalding hot shower, so

don't move is the first command

we give to our kids.

And then we expect that they

will not move.

And we don't spank our

infants, but we put our hand on

their chest and pull them down

if they're starting to roll

over.

And boy, do they get it quick.

They understand, Dad is not

happy with me when I am

flipping over and smearing as I

go.

So, parents, if your children are

not keeping the standard that

you set for them, don't try to

correct, try to correct, try to

correct, try to correct.

You need to get them up and you

need to get them out.

In fact, the non-parents in the

room need to see you doing that,

not trying to pacify them, but

moving quickly with them to

administer discipline.

Like, you have not met the

standard, so we're heading out.

There will be some discipline for

not meeting the standard, and

then we'll see how we can

correct after that.

Once you've left the room, you

need to discern if it's possible

to return to the meeting room.

It may not be possible to return

to the room and be fruitful to

sit in this space.

Again, we have a training space

across the hall.

That's what that's there for.

I know we call it the overflow

room, a lot of you do.

I call it the training space,

right?

It's got a TV over there.

You can go sit as if you're

sitting in here, but there you

can be a little more corrective.

They can be a little more

distracting and help them in that

space, right?

If they learn that when they have

an outburst, they get to go do

something more fun.

You go across the hall and you

put them down.

You go put them in child care

downstairs.

Guess what they're going to do

every single Sunday, right?

With our kids, fortunately, when

both Kate and Judah, our older

ones, were young, my brother-in-law

was preaching as well, and so I

had these big blocks of time that

I wouldn't have to preach.

And so what I did in those times

to help out Sam with our

training is that if one of them,

I mean, one little outburst,

we'd give them a, you need to be

quiet.

If they didn't do it again, I was

up and out of this room, and they

would be spanked.

And then we would go into the

kitchen, because you can hear

through that little rolly door

back there, what's going on in

the room.

We didn't have a cool TV across

the hall at the time.

And I would make them put their

head down on my shoulder and be

quiet.

It's a lot less fun.

In here, they got to sit and look

at a book, right, or color.

When they weren't appropriate,

they got to do nothing.

Often they fell asleep when we did

that, right?

But it got less fun for them, and

so they really quickly said, gosh,

if I want to keep coloring, I've got

to be quiet.

And they learned to sit and to be

quiet in that way.

And so you want to figure out the

best way to move them to where you'd

like for them to be here with us in

the room, right?

Remember that training area is there

to serve you and to help you in

eventually bringing kids over here.

Don't put them down.

Make them sit in your lap in here.

Maybe they can sit in a chair out

over there.

Maybe make them sit in your lap so

it's less fun in that way.

So moms of nursing infants, you know

there's a nursing room there for you.

Certainly happy to have you use that.

So how we help you do it, let me

just run this really quickly.

We do have child care downstairs

during this time for other meetings

that we have.

We understand not all families and

visitors have children who are ready

to sit through a Sunday gathering.

Some aren't ready for it yet and are

still in the process, right?

They don't need to be put in the game

yet.

They still need to be trained at home.

So training a child takes this time

and patient sacrifice and we want to

help.

We want to be here to support you in

that.

The child care is provided with the

short-term goal of accommodating

visitors and we have had the family

that walks in and we go, hey, did you

know?

And I go, I mean, they are not prepared

at all for having their children sit with

them in the service.

What a great thing.

We have child care.

Hey, that's no problem.

We'd love for your kids to come

downstairs.

That'd be totally okay.

Okay.

So that short-term goal and for also

helping families with children in

foster care, right?

Children who are coming from being

trained differently and trying to

learn can be a very difficult thing.

So we want to serve those families

well.

But also the long-term goal of helping

new member parents who join our church

or new parents transition their kids

into sitting through worship.

And so I want to encourage you to do

that as quickly as you can.

Like really try to work your kids up

here as quickly as you can.

Work them up here.

If you wait till your child is three

years old to start training him to

sit in here, you're starting from

ground zero.

You might as well start earlier.

That'd be my encouragement to you.

I also know that we have those

particularly tough, particularly tough

days.

And it's okay if you need to take a

big deep breath and let somebody

else hold your fussy one and a half

year old while you sit and listen to

a sermon.

That's all right.

But we want to encourage you to not

take advantage of that for a long

period of time.

But find space to be working with

your kids and to be bringing them up

here with us eventually.

I talked already about Aletheia Way.

Meant to support, meant to show

children that our church loves them.

I love that you guys sing the kids

song.

That's such a good thing because it

says to the kids that you're with

them in this thing.

We're not just all gawking at you

like animals in a zoo.

But we're with you in singing these

wonderful, simple songs that we sing

with the children.

They need to feel love.

They need to feel appreciated in our

gathering together.

Not like the, we want you just off in

the corner quiet.

But please come and participate with

us.

I love hearing the kids sing when we're

singing our congregational songs

together.

That's a wonderful, wonderful thing.

And they need to feel allowed to do

that with us.

So we hope that Aletheia Way does that

and serves as an example, as I said,

for how you can do it at home.

How you can simply sit down with your

kids and do the things of God with

them in your home.

I also mentioned previously Project

Grow.

It's a program aimed at teaching

children the foundational truths of

the Christian faith.

And we're going to be using the New City

Catechism, which is a systematic

theology done in questions and answers

that the kids will memorize to, again,

come alongside to aid parents in this

work.

And then finally, encouragement.

It's really important to understand that

no family in our congregation has ever

shown up at the door with perfectly

behaved children.

There's no such thing, really.

So if you see families who are doing

it well, ask questions.

How are you doing this?

It's going to be a rare family that's

going to go, I don't know, our kids

just quiet all the time.

Had a couple of those kids.

But for the most part, a lot of training

went into helping kids sit quietly.

And there is no need to feel embarrassed

in our midst for the sake of a crying

child.

We get that it happens, right?

Those of you who are non-parents,

help parents who are like picking up a

kid that's crying and walking out of

this room by not acting like it matters.

It doesn't matter.

If you're so easily distracted, boy,

you need to work on your focus.

It's no big deal, right?

Let them get up and walk out with

every head turning as they go that way,

right?

There's no need to feel embarrassed when

the kid's having a rough day and you

have to go do some disciplinary action.

We've all gone through the training process

and we're really happy.

We rejoice to walk alongside you as you do

this thing.

And so I hope that this bit of time,

and again, I know this is abnormal.

I feel like I've got to just read something

from the Bible real quick.

This is a lot to work out of a couple of

very simple commands, right?

The responsibility of child raising is laid

on the shoulders of parents.

So we want to keep thinking about how do we

do this really well together because we

want these kids, right, to repent and believe

in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

We want to see genuine faith in our children

and we're going to have to help parents do that,

right?

We want to come together to be intergenerational

to aid them in the process of raising up their

children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Let's pray together.

Let's pray together.