When the Spirit Governs a Child

While the orchestra and the musicians are going down, I want you to take your Bible and turn

!

Let me read the passage and have you follow along in your copy of the Word, and then while

I preach, you will pray with your eyes open.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother, this is the first commandment, with a promise, that it may

go well with you and that you may live long in the land.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction

of the Lord.

Our Heavenly Father, we ask for your Spirit's enabling.

The song that we just sang was a prayer, and we ask you to speak.

We recognize that you have given to us your Word, and then you and your divine care and

affection for the Bride of Christ have also appointed men to teach the Scriptures and to

do so with the enabling of the Spirit of God.

Let your Word be clear.

Let it be convicting.

And let we who know Christ grow to be like Him.

In your precious name, amen.

We live in a culture and a society where there is an absolute growing disconnect between parents

and children.

I think it was last week that there was a young lady in her mid-twenties who took it upon herself

to sue her parents.

How many of you were tracking that on the internet?

Now, the case came to nothing at this point, but given the perversity of our culture and

its progressive degradation, I don't know if in the future we won't see those kind of

cases succeed.

But forget that case.

All you have to do is go into any one of our grocery stores, and you will watch little

tyrants in the aisle running their parents' lives ragged.

And their parents are in this coddling, threatening kind of mode, like, if you do this, you will

– how many of you have noticed that before?

And you are thinking in your mind – here, here's what you're thinking.

Everybody look at me.

Everybody look at me.

You follow me.

You're thinking that child needs to be saved and under the Spirit's control.

That's not what you were thinking.

Actually, ours is not the first generation that has struggled with children who misbehave

and parents who are negligent in their spiritual duty.

If you were to go back into the Old Testament, you would find that there are a number of different

passages in the Old Testament that speak explicitly to the way in which the culture was to take

care of openly rebellious and disobedient children.

In fact, there are a number of different curses that are leveled against sons and daughters that

are not responsible in their relationship with their parents.

If you were to turn at this time, and we won't do it, but if you were to turn to Romans chapter 128,

you would find that in the list of the characteristics of an unregenerate and immoral culture,

the issue of being disobedient to parents is recognized as one of the markers that takes place

when people turn their backs on God.

Actually, if you were to follow along and pick up on other passages,

you would see that one of the reasons that God brought punishment to Israel

and sent them into the Babylonian captivity was because Jewish children were not being responsible

to their parents.

And given the level of disrespect and disobedience that I see all around in our culture,

and even on occasion I see in our congregation,

it might make sense this morning to preach on a parent's responsibility

to follow Scripture in the biblical exercise of discipline and nurture.

But that is not what the Holy Spirit focuses on here.

And one of the characteristics of exposition is that a pastor who is going to be faithful to the Word

is not given the liberty of launching and going in the direction he thinks he should go in.

He is under the authority of the Word of God,

and his responsibility is to make the Word clear.

This passage is the second of three examples that flow under the heading

of a Spirit-filled life.

What does it say in Ephesians 5.18?

Be filled with the Spirit.

Isn't that what it says?

And it says, being submissive to one another because of your reverence, your fear of Christ.

Following that, Paul, as a good teacher, would you bear with me?

These mics are...don't worry about them.

I just...I'm in the moving mode today, so I don't want to trip over anything

and cause Caleb and Charity undue anxiety.

Okay.

Had nothing to do with the point.

Here we go.

Listen.

Paul, as a good teacher, says, now listen, let's get this straight.

You're to be submissive.

You're to be submissive because of your relationship with Christ.

And he says, and I'm going to give you three examples.

People who know Christ ought to have different kinds of relationships than people that don't know Christ.

And all God's people said...

I'm not saying amen.

I'm a Baptist.

It's all right.

Okay.

But the truth is, is that people who are saved, right?

You follow me?

People who are saved and filled with the Spirit have to have different relations.

Don't have a choice because the Spirit of God, it says, be filled with the Spirit.

If you're being filled with the Spirit, you're going to be, what?

Different.

Different.

And Paul says, let me get this clear so you can understand.

Let me give you three illustrations of where your relationships are different.

One is in marriage.

Two is in your home with parents and children.

Three is at work.

We're going to look at the second by looking at the first of the set.

And one of the things that you're going to notice in all three of them is that there is responsibility given to each party in the equation.

The wife is to be submissive to the husband.

The husband is to love his wife.

The child is to be essentially submissive to the parent.

The parent is not to be a dictator and an authoritarian person in the child's life.

Third, it says that the slave is to be under authority and submissive to that person who is their master.

And the master is not to be a tyrant.

So as we look at this passage this morning, we are here to hear, boy, that works,

we are here to mark the fact that God has something to say to all of you who are children.

Let me make it clear.

The Christian child is to obey.

Now, without giving yourself away, I want to ask you if you think you're a child this morning.

And I would venture to say that most of us, in our own thinking at least,

thought that we slipped from childhood into adulthood when we turned...

Well, I know that for one of my sons, when he turned 16 and got his driver's license,

he thought he had arrived.

And, you know, it's like when I'm 16 and I can drive, I'm on my own.

Now, for others, it's like when they turn 18, right?

They have all these kind of rights that come to them.

And maybe for some others, it's when they're 26 and they go off their parents' insurance.

I don't know.

But here's the deal.

We tend to think about childhood being that time where we are dependent,

where other people have authority over us, and we're bound by a...

You got this word?

Curfew.

Well, when I'm an adult, I'll come in when I want to.

And I may live in my parents' home, but only so long as the rent is not too high

and the restrictions are not too binding.

And our culture actually characterizes people by certain titles, such as an infant or a baby.

What's an infant or a baby?

It's probably someone who's still messing their diapers, right?

I mean, that's our thinking.

And then when they graduate from that stage, we think about them as a little boy or a little girl,

and we kind of work their way up until they're a teenager, and then they're an adult or they're a middle-aged man.

You know how it goes.

We got all this kind of grade.

Paul chose a word that really deals with relationship, not age.

When he says, children, obey your parents,

he includes me because I am a child.

And when he says, obey your parents, he has explicit instruction to Tim Knoyer, who is the child of Quentin and Marlea Knoyer.

He is speaking to Heather Anderson.

He is speaking to Sam Knoyer.

He is speaking to every one of you in here who have, try this, living parents.

So if you have a living parent, the word in this context applies to you.

The spirit-filled child is commanded to obey parents.

And obeying, very simply, as we look at the passage, means listening to the instruction that is being given and following up with action.

Do this, I will, and it happens.

Furthermore, as we read in Ephesians chapter 6 verse 1,

Ephesians 6:1

the believer's obedience, the believing child's obedience, is linked to their relationship to Christ.

By the way, just so you follow this, and let's kind of make a connection here.

Is it true that being obedient is something that's pretty important, whether you're a believer or not?

The answer is, yeah, yeah, yeah, it makes sense.

But this passage was written for believers.

It's written for those who know Christ.

For those who are not believers, it's like, hey, first thing you need to do is get things settled with Christ.

You need to come to cross.

And so when we see here that Paul says, and we're looking at the passage,

children, obey your parents in the Lord,

it's speaking to believers and referencing or relating their obedience to their relationship with the Lord Jesus.

For one thing, what we need to take away from that is that obedience is not based on mutual agreement.

Have you ever, as I referred to the grocery store,

have you ever noticed how sometimes parents and their little children who are in a cart and can't move without the cart being pushed by an adult

are engaged in negotiations?

Would you please do this?

And the child says, no.

And then there's this kind of labor, you know, this kind of laboring process where the parent says, well, I'll get you Cheerios.

Well, that's, I had those last time.

I don't want that.

You know, I want a cell phone with a data plan, you know.

Oh, if you'll obey today, you can have that.

You know, this business of debate and accommodation to your child.

Can I tell you something?

Now, this is a little sidebar.

Remember, I'm not preaching primarily to parents.

I'm preaching to children.

But everybody smile at me because I want you to take this with a good heart.

If you, as a parent, are not helping your child learn obedience and respect,

you are preparing them for a rude culture shock when they hit the real world.

I was talking with Todd Anderson, who I am very closely related to.

He happens to be my son-in-law.

And Todd is regional manager for Meijer.

He said to me, I, as one who has responsibility, oversight of about 3,000 employees,

can tell you very quickly children who come from homes where obedience and honor

was an understood responsibility and children who come to me from homes where that was not.

Seth.

Seth.

Where are you, Seth?

Raise your hand.

Wave at me.

Ah, there you are.

Hiding behind Pete.

Not really.

Seth is going to go April 30th to Guantanamo.

When is it?

March 30th.

That's too early.

I'm sorry.

Seth is on orders, and he is in the military.

He's going to go down to Guantanamo, and he's going to spend about nine months down there.

Seth understands what it is to obey.

A superior says, do this, and he says, well, can we talk about that?

I think there's a better way to do that.

You know, I don't know what the consequences would be in the short term,

but I can tell you in the long term that Seth would probably be pounding sand.

And I got to tell you, this business of obedience is something that is important,

and it is a primary issue in people's lives, and it's not based on mutual agreement.

I want to remind you also that a godly child then obeys because of their relationship with Christ.

A godly child obeys.

So I want you to hear this.

When your child disobeys you, it's a heart problem.

Do you understand that?

And for you to deal with it in any other fashion than to address the heart is to miss the underlying issue.

Godly obedience, as we look at this passage, it says,

children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

But that little statement is recognizing that obedience is something that is righteous, it's proper,

it is something that God expects.

Let me give you a very interesting little illustration on this matter,

and I want you to turn back in your Bible just for a little bit back to Luke 2, verse 51.

Luke 2:51

Luke 2, verse 51.

Luke 2:51

Now, I'm taking you back to a passage that is one of the few references we have on Christ as a child.

You'll remember the immediate context is that his parents had gone up to Jerusalem to worship,

and subsequently, as they were leaving and traveling back,

they missed the fact that Jesus was not with them.

And they went back and found him in the temple teaching.

But look at verse 51.

And he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and now the next little part,

and was submissive to them.

Question.

Do you think there's a possibility that Joseph and Mary, being imperfect parents,

how many of you grew up in dysfunctional homes?

Every one of you grew up in homes where there were two sinners in authority over you.

Am I right?

That could categorize you as having grown up in some kind of dysfunctional home.

None of your parents got all the answers right,

nor were all of their expectations perfect.

And Joseph and Mary are an illustration of human parents giving instruction to the very Son of God,

and what did He do?

He had a submissive heart to their office and their authority.

So if Jesus could be submissive because it was right,

what are you doing to your child as a parent when you do not help them understand

that their obedience to you is fundamentally a spiritual issue?

Go back to the passage in Ephesians and look at the second part of it.

It says, honor your father and mother.

This is the first commandment with promise.

While obedience has to do with hearing and acting,

honor is about attitude with which obedience is given.

Honor is about attitude with which obedience is given.

It's really not enough that a child merely obeys,

for obedience can largely be the outcome of intimidation or manipulation

and not the outcome of a desire to please Christ.

Now I want to go over that slowly.

A parent may rely upon intimidation or manipulation

and in doing so completely fail to actually address the heart issue of their child.

Yelling or using anger to frighten a child

or constantly negotiating with the child by using manipulation and awards

may work for a period of time,

but ultimately the child will fail to be obedient or honoring

if that is what you rely on.

When you are a manipulative parent

and you are not a parent that helps the child understand

the heart is the issue,

eventually their rebellion will slowly magnify

and listen to me carefully.

Everybody smiling?

God will bring other people into their life

to teach what you were unwilling to address.

God has appointed parents to be His physical representative and assistant

and you're responsible

to help your child understand that behind obedience

and behind honor

is really a hard attitude

and their relationship with Christ.

Now let's recognize that attitudes are always hard to pin down

because they're most often internal and private.

Do you follow that?

Every one of you here

have had probably

at least a handful of bad attitudes so far this morning.

Admit it.

Okay.

You didn't like one of the songs.

There's just a probability

that one of them would not have been on your high list

of first 10 to sing on Sunday morning.

And some of you thought somebody else's jewelry

just didn't go with their outfit.

There's some of you here that are a little wigged out

that I don't have a tie on.

I mean, you know, there are different things

that you could be upset about.

And you may smile at me as you go by the door

and say, Pastor, it's so nice to see you.

There's one or two of you going to say,

what's the deal with the tie?

I'm going to say, I didn't wear one.

Okay.

But, you know, we can have attitudes

and not really bring them to the surface.

See, a child may obey

and even do it with a smile,

but inside their heart is profoundly rebellious.

By the way, just a little sidebar for parents.

I can't help this.

Some of the most compliant children

actually end up being the most rebellious

when they eventually leave the home.

How do you understand that?

Reminds me of what Shakespeare said,

one may smile and smile and still be a villain.

So you want to pay attention to attitude,

attitude, attitude.

I've got to tell you something

that I will tell you

as part of God's incredible blessing to me.

God did me a solid favor

by moving my parents in next door.

And I can tell you,

I have said that I was finished with my last remodel

and I am remodeling now

so they can move in our house.

A great blessing in my slow

and painful process

of growing to be more like Christ

has been the ministry and blessing

of caring for my aging parents.

And I've learned that honoring your parents

will intrude into your plans

and your schedule.

It will call on you to meet needs

and follow instructions

that you think are unreasonable.

It will cause you to change

some of the things that you wanted to do

to accommodate those

who God has put you in relationship with.

And unless a parent's needs

and instructions really interfere

with the Word of God,

a child honors God by complying.

I want to come back and touch on this again.

Honoring is all about the heart

and it reflects the value

that God has appointed to the office

that parents have been assigned by God.

Honor is something

that a child owes to a parent

as long as the child

or the parent is alive.

And when we think about that,

I can tell you this from experience,

that when you get older,

you will learn more about honor

than you learned when you were younger.

So, here I go with the parent business again.

All parents should drive home today in the car

and say to your children,

who am I living with

when I get old?

It's me, it's me, it's me, right?

Then you're making headway.

Okay, pastor, stop.

Now we come perhaps

to what is really the most important part.

Christ-exalting obedience

and honor are spirit-enabled.

That's really important.

Don't miss this.

Paul's instruction to children

is really part of the larger lesson

I began that way

by reminding you

that when the Spirit of God

speaks to the church

about the issue of being spirit-filled,

he really wants the church to understand

that at the root of a spirit-filled life

is the way we speak to one another,

the way we relate to one another,

and in particular,

this attitude of submission and servanthood

that references and respects the other person

and values and prizes them.

So when a believer is spirit-filled,

all relationships are governed by the Spirit.

That's important.

When a believer is spirit-filled,

all relationships are governed by the Spirit.

The spirit-filled wife is submissive.

The spirit-filled husband is loving.

The spirit-filled child is obedient and honoring.

So when your child is being disobedient

or your child is being disrespectful

to your authority in your office,

the fundamental problem is what?

Their spiritual state.

And you as a parent ought to look at that and say,

ooh, opportunity knocks.

I have an opportunity of stepping in

as a loving, careful, caring parent

to teach this child some spiritual truth

in a safe environment

that they will not find

when they go to Walmart or Meijer or the Army.

And so if you do it properly now,

guess what you will save your child

from learning later?

What?

The heartache.

So let's draw some practical application

to this passage.

Let me present, first of all,

some thoughts for those who are children.

And all of us here are children.

When you are struggling with obedience and honor,

determined effort is not enough.

Let me say that so you understand.

When you are struggling with obedience and honor,

determined effort is not enough.

How many of you tried to gut it out spiritually before

on your own?

Hmm?

We've done that.

I want you to understand that

ask the Holy Spirit to help you obey

and help you honor.

You know, it's amazing.

Scripture tells us over and over again,

and one illustration in particular

in John chapter 15, verse 5,

John 15:5

Jesus says to His disciples,

without Me you can do nothing.

The implication of that is that

it shouldn't be

one of these brilliant moments

where you discover how weak

and how frail

and how difficult

the spiritual journey is.

You can't do it by yourself.

So when you find yourself

struggling with obeying

and honoring your parents,

go to the Holy Spirit and say,

listen, I need your help.

I need to be Spirit-filled.

Call on Him who Christ has given you

as your helper

to strengthen your heart

and to change your thinking

so that you may do

what is pleasing in His sight.

I have,

I got to tell you,

my parents moving in next door

was just an incredible blessing.

I have learned

and am learning,

I would much prefer using

the present continuous tense,

I am learning what it is

to serve quietly

and to do it willingly

and to do it gladly.

and it has been

a profound shift.

My father,

who was my hero,

is my hero.

But I had to go through

a change

of recognizing

what his disease

has done to his mind

and be willing

to pick up dirty dishes

all over the house

and do it gladly.

There was a time

where I would find those dishes

and I would think,

you're being inconsiderate of me.

All about,

you know,

stupid.

and the Spirit of God

has slowly

pounded my head.

I would encourage you

to bathe

your relationship

with your parents

with thoughts.

I want to say this carefully

because I know

there are some of you here

that really do struggle

with your attitude

towards parents.

I would encourage you

to bathe

your relationship

with your parents

with thoughts

of your relationship

with Christ.

What has he done for you?

I think about that song

that we just finished

singing earlier.

Well,

I even wrote the words down

so I wouldn't forget it

but something about,

well, forget it.

I can't even get the words right

when they're on the screen overhead.

How I preach

is a work of God.

But something about

being loved by the King

and it causes my heart

to sing,

see, you all know the words

but I forgot them already.

When I have Alzheimer's,

nobody will know.

Okay.

Remind yourself

of what Christ

has done for you

and let your affection

for Christ

which flows

out of his

unfailing love

for you

cause you to respect

and honor

and obey.

Now for parents

who are instructing

their children,

listen carefully

because we have a culture

that is absolutely

hell-bent

on creating

rebellious children

and they have

the ally

of a wicked,

sinful heart

that all of us

are born with.

Agreed?

So parents,

teach biblical obedience

and honor

in the light of the cross.

Let me say that slowly.

Teach biblical obedience

and honor

in the light of the cross.

For one,

you at one point

were a hell-bound rebel

and Christ found you

in that miserable state

and he drew you

to his side

with a love

that never fails,

never quits,

never gives up.

He pursued you

and found you

and he didn't let

your stubborn,

rebellious heart

cause him

to be untoward

in his attitude

towards you

or merciless

in his dealing with you.

Parents,

love them

as you ought

because you have

been richly loved

and teach them

obedience

and honor

in the light

of the cross.

Secondly,

parents,

consider your child's

struggle

as a spiritual indicator

and an opportunity.

Do you follow that?

I had a conversation

with someone

in our fellowship,

loved the person,

and they were telling me

about a certain problem

and kind of midstream

in talking to me,

they said,

oh, I know what you're

going to say.

God is teaching me something.

I said,

why say it

if you already know it?

But, you know,

it's like,

you know,

when,

and I have to remind myself

of the same thing,

you know,

when things are going

left of center

and they're not going

Tim's way,

I can be obsessive

like it's going

out of style

and, you know,

let's go back

to parents.

When your children

are having a meltdown,

it's really just

a spiritual indicator

and an opportunity.

See,

never forget,

never forget,

never forget

that the first concern

you have

is for your child's

spiritual state.

Hmm?

Your first concern

is for your child's

spiritual state.

It's not about

obeying me.

You know,

it's like,

I want you to learn

one thing.

By the way,

listen carefully.

If you are a yeller

or a shouter,

it's probably

because you just

haven't gotten

your hands around

the truth in your life yet.

Ever heard me say that?

Did you hear that?

Huh?

Did you hear that?

A yeller or a shouter

probably is not,

how many,

no.

Do I get animated

and a little emotional

when I'm a pastor?

Yeah,

bear with me,

I'm preaching,

but other than that,

any of you that have seen me

in your life personally,

how many times

have I yelled at you?

Doesn't happen.

It may be that

the need

for help

with obedience

and honor

is really rooted

in need for salvation.

And help your child

to see that there

is more at risk

than this,

their temporary

relationship with you.

It's about heaven

and it's about hell.

And I think sometimes

we as Christian parents

are doing a disservice

for our children

when we really don't

keep on coming back

to the issue

that the problems

in their lives

are really not about

eating vegetables

or making beds.

It's about where

they spend eternity.

And when you have problems,

it's just giving you

a little window

of opportunity

to step through

and say,

honey,

you know what?

This recurring problem

you have with obeying me

is really a reflection

of where you are

in your relationship

with Christ.

And your daddy's praying

that you will come

to Christ.

Or your daddy's praying

that you would be

a spirit-filled child.

How many of you

have done that?

You follow me?

Let's go in the bedroom

and I'm going to teach you

a lepid.

We're going to give you

a whipping.

You can choose the bill.

I'm not opposed

to spanking

in case you're wondering.

But let me tell you something.

You can create

temporary obedience

and not change the heart.

Aim for the heart.

Furthermore,

as a parent,

what you should always be doing

is checking to see

what's going on

behind the scenes

in their lives.

So let me close

with this pointed question.

Can you see evidence

of the Spirit's help

in your life

in obeying

and honoring

your parents?

I mean,

what's the purpose

of preaching?

Do you follow that?

It's to tell you

what God thinks.

Not so you can kind of

feel your head's full

of information

and just walk out of here

and dump it somewhere

on the side of the road.

It's so that you can live

in the light

of what God wants.

So the practical question is,

do I see evidence

that I am Spirit-filled

in my obedience

to my parents

and my honor

for my parents?

And you may be sitting

here this morning

and we talk about

this issue

of obeying your parents

and honoring your parents

and the truth of the matter

is that the heart issue

is bigger than external issues.

You may be here

and do not know Christ

and so your unrelenting struggle

with obedience

is really rooted

in the fact

that you have never

come to Christ

and sought His complete forgiveness

for all of your sins.

You're a rebel

against God

and the first thing

you need

is by the Spirit of God

to have a broken heart

that cries out

for salvation

that you may know

what He does

in salvation.

It may be

that you are a child

who is a believer

but you are awash

in stubbornness

and pride.

And your problem

as you sit here

this morning

is you think

that things would be

a whole lot easier

if you just had

a better set of parents.

Guess what?

The sovereign Lord

of this universe

chose the ones

you have.

There will never

be another option.

And the Spirit of God

wants you

as a believer

to humble yourself

and ask His help

so that you

by His power

to the glory

of Christ

may obey

and honor.

Do you know

why Paul teaches

this lesson?

So that the church

of the living God

could be a light

in a wicked

and perverse world.

And we

who are His children

who have been

redeemed

from the pit

isn't that right?

We're saying

bring it on

I want to be

more like Jesus

for the testimony

of the cross

and the power

of the gospel

that people

looking at my heart

and my spirit

might say

what's the deal

with you?

Oh it's not me.

Yeah

Jesus found me

as an absolute

wretch

and He saved me

and the Spirit

of God

is working

in me

and what you see

is not me

I want you to know

it's the Spirit

of God

that works.

Here's the truth.

God

wants

believing

parents

to minister

to their children.

God

wants

believing

children

to

respect

obey

honor.

Let's close

in prayer.

Father I think

this morning

of the passage

it says

not by might

nor by power

but by my spirit

saith the Lord

and I pray

that your word

would find free course

in the hearts

of your believers

today

that those

who know Christ

would be drawn

to desire

to be obedient

for the glory

of our Savior

and those

that are here

that do not

know Christ

would recognize

that really

the problem

they have

in their heart

with obedience

and honor

is deeper

than a relationship

with their parents

they need

Christ

and draw them

to the cross

today

in your precious

name

amen

let's

let's

let's

let's

let's