Testimony of Kirsten McMullan

It gives me great honour and privilege to welcome her sister

Kirsten to our church this evening, not only to minister to

us in song, but to come and share a word of personal

testimony. And we thank God for her and we

pray that the Lord helps her this evening as she speaks to

us. Thank you, Kirsten.

Just want to thank the Reverend McLaughlin for his kind

invitation to come along tonight.

I feel like he got 2 for one there because sometimes they'd

go places and a sing and sometimes they speak.

But he was telling me that he was getting both out of me

tonight. So if you have your Bible with

you, I just want to read a couple of verses with you in

Daniel chapter 3. Daniel chapter 3.

Daniel 3 · chapter mention Daniel 3 · chapter mention

And we're going to read from verses 14 down to 18, please.

Daniel chapter 3, verse 14 Nebuchadnezzar speak and said

Daniel 3:14

unto them, Is it true? O Shadrach, Meshach, and

Abednego, do not you serve my gods, nor worship the golden

image which I have set up. Now, if you be ready that at

what time you hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp,

sackfoot, sultry and dulcimer, and all kinds of music, you fall

down and worship the image which I have made well.

But if you worship not, you shall be cast the same hour into

the midst of a burning fiery furnace.

And who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, O

Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this

matter. If it be so, our God whom we

serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and

he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

But if not, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will not

serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou has set

up. Let's just pray before share my

story. Father, we thank you for this

opportunity even to be found in your house tonight.

Lord, I just pray you would now presence yourself with us.

Lord, thank you for what has already gone before.

Lord, would you still our hearts?

Would you even settle my nerves? And Lord, may tonight there be

someone, Lord, that needs to hear this word.

Not just my story, Lord, but see you in that story, Lord.

May it be a word of encouragement for some or even a

word of challenge for others. And Lord, for those may be out

of Christ, Lord, that that still small voice would even speak to

them. We ask these things in Jesus

name, Amen. The passage or the few verses

that I've read to you are familiar, I would imagine, to

nearly everyone. We read of this golden image

that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up, really wanting to glorify

his own greatness and his reign, and a proclamation was given

out. When you hear the music played,

you are to fall down and worship the golden image, and whoever

doesn't do that will immediately be cast into the midst of a

blazing fire. It wasn't a choice, it wasn't

optional. It was a command issued to all

the people. And it's in this place that we

meet these three young Hebrew men who are forced to make a

decision, buy or burn. And you know, sometimes when we

have heard this story over and over again, even from childhood,

we don't think about it in the context of what would it have

been like to be there to be faced with that decision.

You know, sometimes we think of our own lives and stand as

stand. Maybe that would take for

something. And how sure we are of wanting

to stand on God's Word and how easy sometimes it can be to be

the person that says, I'm just not saying anything in this

moment. And yet look at the example that

these three men are. They've been captured and

brought to Babylon as slaves and yet had risen to the ranks of

government. And as Jews, they knew that they

could not worship this golden image.

When reported for their refusal, they were given another chance.

If you look again at verse 15, it says, But if you worship not,

you shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning

fiery furnace. And who is that God that shall

deliver you out of my hands? You know, often that's a

question that those who are unsaved ask when they see

Christians try to trust the details of their lives to a

sovereign God. That in the midst of chaos or

loss or tragedy, people say, you're really going to trust God

in this. That same question that

Nebuchadnezzar asks of them, Who is that God that shall deliver

you out of my hands? You know, when we can't change

the things that are happening in our lives, when we can't change

our circumstances, the only thing we can control is our

attitude. And so, when faced with that

ultimatum by Nebuchadnezzar, this was the response of

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in verses 17 and 18.

If it be so, our God, whom we serve, is able to deliver us

from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of

thy hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto

thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the

golden image that thou has set up.

What an example these three Hebrew men are.

And for me it's about this faith found in that verse 18, where it

says. But if not, see, as I think

tonight about my own journey with the Lord, I think about

those 3 words about that type of faith that says.

But if not, we know that God is all powerful.

We know everything that He can do.

But what if He doesn't answer in the way you want them to?

What if your life doesn't look the way you thought it would

when you started out on the journey?

And you know, if you're a Christian tonight, you'll know

that just being a Christian doesn't mean that your life's

going to fit very neatly into a tidy little box.

It's a journey with God through the valleys and the mountains.

And for me, as I look at God's hand in my life and as I trace

his faithfulness in my life, I see as well how it has been a

story of stealing my song back from the enemy.

And what I mean by that is, and I'll talk about this after, but

being saved as a child, the enemy knows he cannot have me.

And yet he does everything that he can to make us powerless and

useless and purposeless. He doesn't want us to live

victorious Christian lives. And so as I trace God's hand in

my life, I can see that right from birth God had his hand on

me. And yet I can see how the enemy

tried to steal my song. I was born into a Christian home

two weeks earlier than than expected and at six weeks old I

contracted pneumonia and was sent to the Royal Victoria

Hospital. And at one point my mum and dad

and my older siblings were told that they should come to say

their goodbyes, that I wasn't going to survive the night.

And yet, confounding the doctors and nurses, I did.

And you know, as an adult, I look at that and I can trace

God's hand in that. How is it that someone with

pneumonia as a child, very ill and issues with their lungs can

belt out songs the way I can? And some of that might be doing

my weight on the belly that I have more than my lungs.

But I just look at that and say that's God's grace in my life,

that even at that young age, the enemy was seeking to steal my

song. I grew up on our family dairy

farm. I don't really know if you would

class out here. Looks like the countryside.

I don't know if you class carried off as the town or the

country. Country people.

OK well then you'll understand. Growing up on a family dairy

farm in South Armagh, 4 girls and then finally a boy.

Now my dad always says it didn't matter to him, he didn't mind

when the girls kept coming because honestly he treated us

like we fellas, the amount of work that he made us do.

But our childhood revolved around family, farming and faith

and going church. Going to church as a family was

something we always did, regardless of what was needing

to be done on the farm. And so from as far back as I can

remember, I knew that the Bible teaches I was born with sin in

my heart and that that sin separated me from God.

I was taught faithfully that Jesus had shed his blood and

Calvary for my sins so that I could be reconciled back to God.

And after our children's meeting at the age of 6, the conviction

of that sin moved me to trust Christ for salvation with my dad

and my bedside. Now, I didn't have any great

knowledge of the Bible or of doctrine or theology, but it

understood this even as a child of six.

If I ever wanted to be found in heaven, I could not go there as

a Sinner and I had to accept God's free gift of salvation for

me so that one day I could have the assurance that I would know

where I was going. And I have no doubt that night.

I know some people, if you're, if you're not a Christian or

you're not from a Christian background, sometimes people

think that's so strange. A six year old could know.

And yet I've never doubted that in the last 30 plus years, you

know, from that early age. And as I've journeyed this road

with them, I believe the Lord put a burden in my heart for

others. And I started off with the

person that I thought would be best to work my evangelism

skills on, and that was my younger sister.

And I don't know that my methods were always biblical.

I mostly tried to scare her into salvation, but I know that the

Lord had put that on my heart for those in my family outside

of Christ and even for my friends at school.

And when I look at my childhood, I I can look at that and see a

very happy childhood, one that had filled with hard work that

helped to develop resilience and a work ethic.

But for me personally, what it really developed was I need to

get an education so I don't have to stay here covered in cow dung

for the rest of my life. That was the most important

thing to me. Some of my siblings loved

farming. That wasn't me, but building our

lives around those things, around family and farming and

faith created a very strong bond between us as siblings.

A lady at church once asked my mum what would she like us to be

when we grew up. There are five of us and between

the four sisters over 2 1/2 years, and then between my

youngest sister and my brother, six years.

And so at church they would say we looked like steps and stairs

sitting in the Pew. And my mum said, I don't care

what they do, I would love them just to be best friends.

And you know, I think after years of growing up together and

all the things that siblings do and all the fighting that

happens as well, that's what we got, a very happy childhood.

But you know, it should be sort of no deterrent.

It's something that I think about as well that my parents

didn't always get everything right, even as Christians.

And don't worry, I've told them that too.

It's not a surprise to them because sometimes growing up,

Christianity felt like a list of know this and know that.

And it felt like it was about following a set of rules.

And for a rule follower like me, I was actually OK with that.

Rules kept you safe. But actually sometimes it gives

us a false understanding of who God is.

Like if I follow the rules everything will be OK rather

than it's all about my relationship with Christ.

And in this journey for me it's been learning that just

following the rules will not give you a close walk with God.

It doesn't spare you trials and temptations, but rather it's

about seeking to know Him more and wanting to walk in intimate

fellowship with Him. We had a great youth fellowship

in Miller Glass growing up, and so I didn't find my teams

difficult to to live for the Lord.

The youth fellowship was great with great opportunities for

outrage and to go away together and to always be in Christian

company. And I feel like even in my

teenage years, all the the friends that I had, even those

outside of Christ, it wasn't difficult for me to stand up for

my faith and who I was in Christ because of that influence of the

church and of youth fellowship. And I look at those teenage

years and I see that they were very formative in laying the

roots of my faith, roots that would eventually withstand the

storms. And while I didn't know it then,

God was pouring in, preparing my heart and grounding me in His

word. At 18 I went to Queens in

Belfast to study English and history, wanting to be a

teacher, and my life was progressing on merrily.

I was involved in everything there was to be involved in, in

church, singing, speaking, a leader youth fellowship, a

Sunday school teacher, a children's meeting worker.

And then I qualified as an English teacher, and I've done

that for the last 15 years. And at 24 I got married.

And I suppose I had huge hopes of what our life might look like

as we served God together. And I certainly had dreams for

what my life would look like, of dreams of having children and

building a life together and being able to serve together.

But by 28, the marriage had broken down, and at 30, I was

divorced. And, you know, I can shy away

from that part of the story sometimes when I'm coming to

tell my story. I think, is there any other way

I could say that without saying it and leave it out?

And yet the reality is that is part of my story.

And, you know, the more churches I have gone around, the more I

see it's a part of a whole lot of people's story.

And maybe not you directly, but maybe some family member, maybe

somebody struggling with that pain.

And it's a hard road. And I think sometimes it's hard

because we don't know what to say.

There's still some stigma with it.

And obviously that's not what anybody wants for their life.

And yet when it happens, how as a church do we respond?

You know, having been someone who was good at following the

rules all my life, I struggled then with the questions, well,

how has this happened to me? How could my life just fall

apart at the seams? You know, my own family and my

church family have been so good to me.

And yet you carry the shame and the hurt of these things.

And regardless of what happens, obviously we don't advocate

divorce, but we realise that not everything is always restored.

And I remember having a conversation with my

brother-in-law, some of you might know him, the the Reverend

Simon Anderson, and he was dating my sister Lindsay from

they were at school, so he had been round our house for a long

time. He's like an older brother to

me. And I told him at that time I

felt like I had no more purpose. I said, I don't feel like, you

know, that's something I can. I Can't Sing.

I can't be speaking. I said, even growing up in this

church, how would I ever be able to have opportunities to do

anything again? Maybe it would be better if I

went somewhere else, you know? And he said to me, you know, if

there's no place in the church for you, there's no place for

any of us, We might as well just shut the doors now and go on

home. And I can't tell you the

encouragement that was to me then for him to see that because

I felt like I don't have a right to do any of those things

anymore. My life has all crumbled down

and I'm left with all these broken pieces.

And yet, even in that moment, him speaking that truth into my

life to say that's what church is supposed to be.

It's a place for broken people. And you know, I did struggle

with the losses, a loss of what I thought were my dreams for my

life or my future, a loss of trust, a loss of ministry.

And certainly at that time I found it very difficult to sing,

couldn't sing without crying and could see in it how the enemy,

even in that, had stolen my song.

And a friend from church had recommended to me, why don't you

go to speak to a Christian councillor?

And she found the number and she was getting everything sorted

for me to go to speak to this Christian councillor and my

councillor, Maggie, who's actually here with me tonight,

She's comes with me sometimes when I'm going places to speak

or sing. She shared with me a devotional

from the word for today, that day.

And she didn't know all of the insurance and outs of my

ministry, the things that I'd been involved in before and how

even I'd lost all of that. And she shared this devotional

with me and a part of it it read.

You will once again sing the song of the overcomer.

Well, you know, in that season, I wasn't ready for that.

I, I couldn't see how I could ever be able to to sing.

And yet I closely and quietly held that promise until God came

through. And you'll go and open doors of

opportunity for me. Different things to be involved

in. For 10 years now, every summer,

because obviously I was working as a teacher, I would go and

volunteer at an American Christian camp.

And then he opened the door for me to be able to complete a

diploma in Christian counselling and then move into actually more

biblical counselling, which is what I do now.

And you know, God has been so faithful to me in the midst of

that all, giving me back my song.

And in the midst of all of that, I've I've struggled with my

health. In September 2022, I had to have

a hysterectomy. And so at 36, I'm left with that

decision of it. This is the options surgery or

surgery. And so for me, it was more loss

to endure. And that loss comes from back to

the things that you think you might have in your life or being

able to have a family one day and knowing that that wasn't

something that was going to be possible.

And yet even in that, the Lord proved himself faithful to me

because my quality of life improved dramatically since

being able to have the surgery. And what would say to you in

that? I don't know what struggles

you're sitting here with. Maybe you're one of those people

that you you actually don't have any.

But I'd be brilliant. But I really would doubt that.

Maybe it's relationship struggles.

Maybe it's somebody in your family that's hurting.

Maybe it's to do with your health.

And you know, when you're in the middle of it, it's so hard

sometimes to be able to hear from God.

And often it's on the other side that you trace his faithfulness,

that with hindsight, you can see exactly what he was doing.

And so I would encourage you that if you're in the middle of

a trial, keep holding on. But back in May 2023, I was out

speaking at a ladies meeting and just as I was about to go out

the door, the man who's the director of the camp, the

Christian Camp in America in, in Philadelphia, he contacted me to

say there's a full time ministry position at camp working with

children and young people. And I was just wondering, would

you powerfully consider thinking about this position?

Well, even before I'd put my foot out through the door to go

to the ladies meeting, my reaction was, no way, I'm not

interested in going to America. And I was thinking about all the

things that the Lord had restored over the years,

singing, counselling, speaking, my teaching job.

And I was thinking, I have no desire to go whatsoever.

But you know what? On the way home and I can

remember exactly where I was on the road after challenging those

women. About their walk with the Lord.

I was really convicted, you hypocrite.

You're telling all those women to go through with God and here

this has been presented to you and you're not willing to

consider it. And so began a very convicting

journey for me. I got no peace until I was

willing to put all on the altar for Christ.

Scripture after scripture, conviction, restlessness, and

wrestling with God. And by the end of June, I had

talked to my principal at school and told him that I felt the

Lord was calling me out of teaching into his work.

And I didn't know if it was America or not, and I prayed.

Lord, shut the door to America if that's not right.

But I do believe you have a call on my life.

And that was the place that I was in in June 2023.

And honestly, I thought I was doing big things.

I was thinking like, I'm really stepping out of my comfort zone

here, giving up my teaching job and my career and a good

pension, all the things that come with that.

And in this place of sacrifice and surrender.

And it seemed like a difficult place to be in, stepping out

into the unknown. And yet I had a peace that this

was God's doing. And so on the back of that, I

really wasn't prepared for what was to come because at the end

of July, I was in America on holidays when I received a phone

call. I was driving down a highway to

going towards Virginia when my sister Judith's friend phoned to

say that there'd been an accident.

And she said there's been an accident and I don't have anyone

else from your house or your family's number, only yours.

And she said could you phone your mum and dad to tell them

that Judith has has been in an accident?

And So what seemed like for miles trying to get off those

big highways, I don't know if you've ever been in America

before, but trying to find somewhere to get off seemed like

forever until we got pulled off the road and I phoned to tell my

dad that my sister had been in an accident And he, he said, OK,

well I'm just eating my tea here, I'll go and get her.

Now. Thinking that he was just going

to gather her and her motorbike up, he went out to put the

trailer on the back of the Jeep. My brother went with him and

then my mum phoned a couple of minutes later.

I don't remember this but obviously I was upset when I was

phoning him and she phoned to say, oh don't be worrying your

dad and Robert, they're way now to gather up, to get the bike

and gather up. And then I said to her, no, I

think you need to go too because her friend had said to me

they're administering CPR at the scene.

And you know, then I just had to sit there and wait with my

friend. As time went on.

I knew that my mum, as soon as she got there, if Judith had

been OK, she would have phoned to say she's all right, go you

on about your holiday, Don't you be worrying.

All's good here. And when that phone call didn't

come, I knew it wasn't good. And you know there was no big

long, eloquent prayer. It came down to 2 words.

Please Lord, that's all I prayed sitting on that road for what

must have been just over an hour.

I'd love to be able to say I prayed your will be done Lord,

but I didn't. I wanted my will.

You see, these are the but if not moments of our lives.

God didn't answer the way that I wanted.

And you know what happens then when you've been plunged into a

pain like that, a pain that I had escaped for 37 years?

I'm left with the question, can I still trust Him?

You know, whenever my brother phoned to tell me that my sister

Judith hadn't made it, I drove 5 hours to the nearest airport to

get home. And in that moment now again

with hindsight, when I look back, I think, wow, imagine how

the Lord actually had his hand on me in all of that because my

friend couldn't. The rental car, I was the only

one that could drive and we had to get back, obviously by a

certain time. And to be able to make that

journey in that despair, I can trace God's hand on it and God's

people praying for me. And during that playing journey

home, I was distraught. But here's the other thing that

I was thinking. Lord, you've just called me out

of my teaching job. What am I going to do now?

I can't go to America. I'm never leaving my family ever

again. And these are the honest

questions that sometimes we'll have for the Lord.

What are you doing? I don't understand this, Lord.

You see, in all of the losses, any other loss that I ever

suffered personally paled in the insignificance compared to this

one at the loss of my sibling, 2 1/2 years younger than me, but

always the leader and somebody that I holidayed with and we did

a lot of things together. And you're left grappling in

that grief and loss is dark and hard.

But you know, for me, I take great comfort in knowing where

she is and that one day I'll meet her again.

The truth is, I'm not sad for her.

I'm sad for myself and for my family.

You know, in the days leading up to her funeral, my mind was in

torment. I didn't bring this up to

obviously to anybody else in my family, but my mind was in

torment thinking why has God called me out of teaching at the

end of June when he knew this was going to happen?

That's the question that I was grappling with even as her

funeral was approaching. And again, Simon, my

brother-in-law, he took me aside after the funeral and he said, I

know you're probably in torment about going to America and about

the call of God. That's on your life, he said,

but there is a calling on your life and it's evident.

Don't let the enemy keep you from God's best.

And you know, I went back to work in September, had a couple

of months to fill. And sometimes my principal will

come to me and say, do you want to just forget about all this?

So do you want to just RIP up the paper that says you're

going? And I would have loved to said,

yes, I would just love to do that.

But here's the thing. My circumstances had changed,

but God's word to me hadn't changed.

And so I knew that it was his will that I would have to go.

And now I can look on that. I was there for just short of

two years. The Lord had given me a word in

numbers 32 where it said, if you will do this thing afterward, ye

shall return. And I can see how the Lord even

used it for a place for me to process my grief, to be able to

give my parents space to process their grief.

I probably would have tried to think I would be a great help to

them. I would have to carry them.

And yet you know yourself, if you've ever been there,

Everybody has to process it themselves at their own pace and

their own time. And I can look back and see how

God was equipping me for what I'm doing now.

I'm now working with Foundation Ministries, biblical counselling

organisation in our MA, teaching a biblical counselling course

and then counselling lots of different people.

And you know, the thing that's maybe surprising to people here

is I would say probably just over half of the people that

come to us are Free Presbyterians.

And I think maybe somewhere in it all we're getting better at

realising it's OK to talk. You see, the answer is still

this book. The answer is still your

relationship with the Lord. But some people are struggling

and their question is, well, how can you help me?

Can you show me from this book how the Lord can meet me in this

thing that I'm struggling with and how He can help me?

You know, this past or last summer at camp, there was a

young girl who was working there for the summer called Hannah.

And one night as I was dropping off others, if she'd come over

to the car and I could see that she was a little bit tearful.

And I put the window down to talk to her.

And just as I went to say hello, she turned on her heels and

walked off. And I thought I'd better go and

check. Is she OK?

And so I got out of the car and followed her.

And I said, dear, are you OK? And she turned round and she

said, aren't you mad at him? And I was genuinely confused.

And I said, mad at who? And she said, God, he let your

sister die. I don't get how you can be out

here serving the Lord and telling us about Jesus and

salvation and being happy when he let your sister die.

You know, I wasn't expecting anybody to say that.

I'm definitely not an 18 year old.

And I started to cry. See, I hadn't even been talking

about Judith the Camping, but she knew from the previous two

years about what had happened. And you know, it was a great

opportunity to be able to speak to her, but also for me to

process my own heart. And I said to her, no, Hannah,

I'm not mad at God. God didn't make my sister get on

a motorbike. Her days here on earth were

allotted to her and I know where she is.

I have unanswered questions and I miss her every day.

But no, I'm not mad at God. You see, how could I grow up in

a Christian home, know from a child that I was saved, and go

through all these trials and the ups and downs of life and then

turn around and say I don't trust God even in the worst of

circumstances? How could I then blame Him?

Her death is as a result of our fallen world and her death made

me face this reality. Do you really believe even now?

You know I tell you that something as Christians that we

all must answer because we all face loss and hardship,

difficult seasons of our lives. Can He be trusted with it all?

You know, Can we honestly say that we trust Him in it all, or

to only do that with the parts we give Him access to?

You know, it's an important question to consider.

The older I get, the more convinced I am that the greatest

achievement any of us can have in this Christian journey is to

be resolute about going through with God.

Like those 3 Hebrews, It's a battle.

It's not easy. Plain Salem, being a Christian.

It is a battle between faith and fear.

When Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego took their stand, they

faced the King's wrath. The furnace was to be heeded 7

times hotter they were to be cast in bound.

So hot was the fire that the soldiers who took them up

perished, and so fully clothed and bound, these three men fell

to their apparent deaths. And then comes the question, did

not we cast three men into the midst of the fire?

Low? I see four men loose walking in

the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt.

When they were removed from the furnace, it was noted that the

fire had no effect on their bodies, nor was their hair

sinned, their clothes burned, nor even the smell of fire upon

them. God had delivered them in the

very worst of circumstances. These men knew God's presence

with them in the fire. They faced the trial Christ was

with the minute. You know their obedience in that

trial changed the King's heart. Do you really think that would

have been possible if they had dropped on the first note of

music to bow down to that golden image?

Their obedience was rewarded with the change in the King's

heart. You know, in light of my sister

Judith's death at 35, I'm reminded that it is only what is

done for eternity that matters in the end.

I remember as teenagers, I can't remember who it was, but

somebody came to speak at our youth Fellowship and Miller

Glass, and they were talking about how depending on what age

you were then, you, you know, you might already have lived

half your life. Well, I never for a minute

thought that at 17 1/2 my sister had already lived half of her

life. And so when you consider those

things, you realise how fleeting life really is.

That's what death teaches us. Our days are numbered.

And you know, sometimes I think about how I didn't know that any

of the things I was doing with Judith all through May and June

and even into July of, of 2023 would be my last.

And you know, you've got to consider that if you're not a

Christian tonight, what if it was you?

What if you just had your last weekend or your last Sunday

dinner, or more importantly, your last opportunity to get

right with the Lord? Are you ready?

If I could encourage you to do one thing tonight, it would be

to give your life over to Him and to go through with God.

You know, that's a statement that you can apply to your

heart, whether you're a believer, A backslider, or

someone who has never come to know Christ as your own

impersonal saviour. Are you going through with God?

What is it that gets us through our lives?

It's making the decision to go through with God, trusting them

for salvation firstly, and then clinging to Him even on and

especially on the hard days. It's ultimately being able to

say with those three Hebrew men, our God whom we serve is able to

deliver us, but if not, be it known on to the O King, that we

will not serve any other. Amen.

Could I thank you so much, Kirsten, for this ministry

tonight.