Act Like Men

Brother Gordon, come and preach this place for you.

Well, good morning.

Wow, that was good.

That was real good.

You know, make you feel welcome.

! I sit by myself.

No response.

Well, this is going to go real well.

You know, this is my first time preaching

in progressive lenses.

So, just in case I look like I may get lost

and when I look up and you disappear for a minute,

how many of you wear progressive lenses?

How many of you almost fell off a set of bleachers

at one of your kids' basketball games

the first time you wore them?

That would be me.

You know, they mentioned that this was kind of

a last-minute deal.

This is actually not the shortest time frame

that I've ever had to get ready to preach a sermon.

I was visiting my parents back in the small town

of Mississippi, Water Valley, where I grew up.

And I was laying in bed.

It was a Sunday morning, probably about 7.30.

I get a phone call, a buddy of mine that I grew up with.

He said, hey, you still here?

I said, what do you mean?

You still in town?

I said, yeah.

He said, well, Silverina, this small country church

that I preached at a few times before,

their pastor's got the flu,

and he can't preach today.

He said, hey, are you still here?

I said, man, all I got is boots and jeans

and an old flannel button-down.

He said, that's great.

We'll see you at 11.

Hung up.

Showed up, preached, got paid,

watermelons, eggs, and I think a cantaloupe

is what it was.

So it's really interesting how God orchestrates

some of this.

You know, I don't even, I don't know your pastor.

I wouldn't know him if he walked in the back door.

But a former student of mine,

when I was a youth pastor in Plainview, Texas,

called me on Wednesday about noon

and said, hey, man, how's it going?

I was like, what do you want?

That's how these conversations go.

Hey, how's Shelly?

How are the kids doing?

I'm like, dude, just cut to the chase.

What do you need?

You always want something.

I got a friend who's at this church in Henrietta

and he's needing somebody to fill in last minute.

He was like, man, do you know anybody?

He's like, well, actually my old youth pastor

lives in Wichita Falls.

So that's how you got stuck with me today.

How many of you would agree

that it appears as though we have a manhood problem

in our culture?

How many of you would say that, you know,

looking at what's going on in our culture

and in our world that we have a manhood problem?

I believe we do.

And the reason why it's so important

for us to look at this is because

it is causing a leadership problem in our homes

that results in God's plan of family discipleship

taking a back seat to what's going on.

So many other things are dominating our focus

in our world because we have a manhood problem

that's causing a leadership problem in the home.

And what God says is important for us

as men and in our marriages

and with our families is taking a back seat.

You see, I believe men are greatly misled

and confused about what it means to be a real man,

a godly man, a kingdom man.

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 16, 13,

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith,

act like men, be strong.

You know, when you do some diving in to the Scriptures,

you'll see that what Paul says here,

our current situation within our churches today

is not that much different from that of current.

which leads me to ask,

where are the real men?

Where are the godly men?

Where are the kingdom men?

I love the challenge by Dr. Tony Evans.

I don't know if you've ever read any of his stuff or not,

and I surely can't relay this as well as he would,

but this is something that's really stuck with me

through his teaching over the years.

He says,

if you are a messed up man,

you're going to contribute to a messed up family.

If you're a messed up family,

you're going to contribute to a messed up church.

If you're a messed up church,

you're going to contribute to a messed up community.

And if you're a messed up community,

you're going to contribute to a messed up state.

If you're a messed up state,

you're going to contribute to a messed up country.

And if you're a messed up country,

you're going to contribute to a messed up world.

Therefore, the only way to have a better world

made up of better countries

composed of better states,

filled with better communities,

influenced by better churches,

inhabited by better families

is by becoming a better man.

You see, it starts with you.

It starts with me.

It starts with all of us.

It begins with us becoming a better man

by aligning ourselves

under the comprehensive rule of God

of every area of our life

and focusing on God's kingdom agenda.

Not our own,

but on what God says is important.

And you do it

by not just choosing to be a man,

but a kingdom man.

That's very, very important.

Do you know what the difference is

between being just a good man

versus a godly man?

Have you ever thought about that?

Have you ever wrestled with it?

Ladies, have you ever thought about

what it means to be a godly man?

I mean, you're probably sitting there going,

I bet you need to know what that looks like.

The difference, Paul says,

is that godly men

take responsibility for their actions.

They move past just being a provider,

a protector,

showing up at the end of the day

to how can I take responsibility

for my actions?

The words that I say,

the way that I spend my time,

the way that I focus

and engage in different relationships,

it's by taking responsibility

and not making excuses

for simple behavior.

Why were you short with your wife?

Well, you know,

I've got a lot going on at work.

Well, why were you impatient

with your kids?

Well, you know,

it's just a lot of stress

and I'm tired

and there's so many things going on.

Why didn't you do this

or why didn't you do that?

And we make excuse

after excuse after excuse.

But a godly man

begins to take responsibility

for his actions.

And we don't justify

our sinful choices.

And men,

I want to say something to you

because a lot of times

we get beat up in church,

don't we?

Don't we get beat up in church?

Father's Day.

Boy, don't we love Father's Day?

Let's go to church

and get beat up.

Get elbowed by our wife.

See, the pastor's telling you

you need to train her.

Men, you're not a failure

if you fail.

You are going to fail.

That's how we learn.

Okay?

You fail if you quit.

You fail if you quit

focusing on who God

wants you to be.

I mean, if we wanted to get

real technical

and real spiritual here,

you know,

when we're saved,

that's justification.

While we're here on earth

figuring this whole thing out,

that's sanctification.

We're working out our salvation

with fear and trembling.

When we step into the presence of God,

that's glorification.

Okay?

There's a part in the middle.

You know that little dash

on those headstones?

You know what that is?

That dash?

That's your life.

That's how you're working this thing out.

And it's so very important.

Godly man doesn't stop

seeking to honor the Lord

and align himself

under God's authority.

I've got to ask you, though.

This is going to be a lot of fun.

Are you constantly making excuses

for how you treat your wife and kids?

Are you characterized

by someone who is arrogant,

rude,

quick-tempered,

or are you patient,

kind,

loving?

Are you present with the right people

at the right time?

Or are you distracted

and disengaged?

It was one of my favorite things

my dad would say growing up.

I've got a lot going on.

I just ain't had time.

It's been real intense.

Okay.

So you get to speak to us

in a way that's not very kind.

It's not very gracious.

Just because you have a lot going on.

People find it funny

that I share this story about my dad.

My dad's not a horrible guy.

I'm not throwing him under the bus.

It's just some of the things

the way I grew up.

Because my dad does have a lot going on.

But when I call him at his office

and his secretary answers,

I ask her a couple of questions.

Is he in a good mood or a bad mood?

You know?

Is he busy?

She's laughing.

She's like,

why do you ask me this?

Because I'm like,

at my age,

if he's busy,

he ain't going to listen to what I'm saying.

And number two,

if he's in a bad mood,

it's probably going to put me in a bad mood.

And then we're going to have to resolve everything later.

So I might as well just call back at a different time.

Do you bring peace into your home?

Into your marriage?

The relationships you have with your kids?

Man, are you causing division?

Or are you bringing peace?

You know, men, we are...

Man, we set that temperature on the thermometer, right?

We don't want nobody else to touch it.

My kids are afraid to touch the thermostat at my house.

My wife was here.

She'd be like,

I'm not.

If you ever wondered what a southern bell looked like,

if my wife was here,

I would have to translate for most of y'all

because she can't talk to automated systems.

No does not have like five or six syllables.

No, it's really bad.

But all these things that I presented to you,

speaking of my wife,

because a lot of times men,

hey,

you a good husband?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I think I'm a good husband.

You a good dad?

Oh, yeah.

I'm a good dad.

What would Shelly say?

My wife.

What would your wife say?

Me and you want to know what type of husband you are?

Just ask your wife.

She'll tell you.

She probably has.

Maybe you weren't listening.

You went to your nothing box.

That's a whole other sermon for a different day.

You're a good dad.

What would your kids say?

Man,

if I don't sit down and talk with Hannah and Caleb

about the type of dad I am,

I'm just a prideful, arrogant jerk

because I think I'm doing a good job.

But my best intentions may not be what they need.

Most important,

what would God say?

How would God say that you're doing

as a husband,

as a father?

Some lovely questions, aren't they?

If you can't say amen,

say ouch.

I know, right?

Hey, the good thing is

I'm going to step on your toes,

but I'm going to step on mine as well.

Right?

I usually try to tell people

when they say,

oh man,

that really got a hold of me.

Like good,

because God beat me up

before I got here.

And so I just wanted to include you

in the process

because it's more fun to suffer,

I mean learn together

as we go forward.

You know,

in our conversations,

especially in our homes,

if they are not being run

through Galatians chapter 5,

Galatians 5 · chapter mention

man,

if we're not passing

those conversations

through that filter of love,

joy,

peace,

patience,

kindness,

goodness,

faithfulness,

gentleness,

self-control,

then we are not aligned.

So repent.

How many times do we see that

in the scriptures?

Repent.

Change your mind.

Change your default.

Realign things to say,

you know what?

I'm going to give my wife

and I'm going to give my kids,

our family,

I'm going to set the temperature

on the thermostat.

You know what it's going to be?

It's going to be Galatians 5.

And if I have a conversation

with my kids,

I'm going to give them the freedom

to come to me

in a respectful way

and say,

hey dad,

you know the other day

when we talked,

it didn't appear

you were very self-controlled.

What?

You let your kids do that?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Hey dear,

you know the other day

when you were talking

about the rusty old file cabinets

in the back of my vehicle

that were making noises,

you were going down the road.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That was this morning.

You weren't very kind

when you,

babe, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to be short

with you

and make a snarky comment.

We give ourselves permission

to have those conversations

because folks,

let me tell you

and I just want to be honest

with you

and transparent today

to say to you,

I messed this up

for a long time.

I got it wrong

for so long

and thankfully

the Holy Spirit

woke me up

and brought me

to a place

of changing my default,

repenting,

changing my mind

and really setting

a standard in my home

that brings about peace,

not conflict

and division.

One guy who got it right

was J.C. Ryle.

I don't know

if you ever read

some of his stuff

but it's really,

really good.

In 1816,

J.C. Ryle was born

in England

into an immensely wealthy

and socially elite family.

His grandfather

earned a fortune

and then he left it

to Ryle's father.

John Charles, J.C.,

was the oldest son

and grew up

lacking no comfort.

The oldest son

of a wealthy English family

was expected

to seek a career

in Parliament

and that was Ryle's ambition.

At 21,

he suffered a long,

drawn-out lung infection

and during his confinement,

he began to read the Bible,

something that,

according to his own admission,

he had not done

for 14 years.

And one Sunday,

during his recovery,

he entered

an Oxford church

just as Ephesians 2,

Ephesians 2:8

verse 8,

was being read.

For it is by grace

you have been saved

through faith.

And this is not

from yourselves,

it is the gift of God.

He came under

great conviction

at this moment.

He was converted

and from that moment

to the last recorded syllable

of this life,

notes his biographer,

no doubt ever lingered

in John's mind

that the Word of God

was living,

active,

and powerful,

sharper than any

two-edged sword

that cuts deep

into the marrow.

From his conversion

in 1837

to his burial

in 1900,

J.C. Ryle

was entirely

one-dimensional.

He was a one-book man.

He was steeped

in Scripture.

He bled

the Bible.

And as only Ryle

could say,

and I hope you'll

latch on to this,

it is still

the first book

which fits

the child's mind

when he begins

to learn religion

and the last

to which

the old man

clings

as he leaves

this world.

This is why

his works

have lasted.

This is why

it stands

the test of time.

The Bible as well,

it'll last

because it bears

the stamp

of eternity.

And today,

more than a hundred

years after his passing,

Ryle's works

stand at the crossroads

between the historic

faith

and modern

evangelicalism.

That's a tough

word to say

in front of people.

You know that?

But like signposts,

they direct us

to the old past

and the signposts

are meant to be read.

I want to share

with you

some great advice

from him.

I set that up

for you

just so you could

see how timeless

what the,

I've read stuff

of his

and he wrote it

so long ago

and I'm like,

golly,

he hit the nail

on the head.

Ah,

he must have just,

that must have just

been pinned.

Nope.

So far long ago.

This is what he says

to parents.

You cannot make

your children

love the Bible,

I admit.

None but the Holy Spirit

can give us a heart

to delight in the Word.

But you can make

your children

acquainted

with the Bible

and be sure

they cannot be

acquainted with that

blessed book

too soon

or too well.

Like Ryle,

when we look closely

in the Scriptures,

we cannot help

but see

as parents,

we are called

to be the primary

disciples of our children.

Now I want to

carry you through

a few passages

in Deuteronomy.

You're not going

to be able

to keep up with me.

I cheated.

I put little tabs

in my Bible

so I'm going to

flip pretty fast.

My encouragement

to you

is to write

these down

and to go back

through them later

and just listen

as we move

through some texts

in the Old Testament

starting in

Deuteronomy

Deuteronomy 4:9–10

chapter 4

verses 9

through 10.

It says,

Only take care

and keep your soul

diligently

lest you forget

the things

that your eyes

have seen

and lest they

depart from your heart

all the days

of your life.

Make them known

to your children

and your children's

children.

How on the day

that you stood

before the Lord

your God

at Horeb

the Lord

said to me,

Gather the people

to me

that I may let

them hear my words

so that they

may learn

to fear me

all the days

that they live

on the earth

and that they

may teach

their children

so.

Flip over to

chapter 6

verses 4

through 9

if you can do it

quick.

Anybody Bible drills

grow up doing

Bible drills?

Yeah?

Back there

see that?

Yeah?

I didn't make it

past some of the

earlier rounds

but hey,

I did learn

a lot

from what I did

go through.

Chapter 6

verses 4

through 9

Hear O Israel

the Lord our God

the Lord is one

you shall love

the Lord your God

with all your heart

with all your soul

and with all your might

and these words

that I command you

today shall be

on your heart

you shall teach

them diligently

to your children

and shall talk

of them when you

sit in your house

and when you

walk by the way

and when you

lie down

and when you

rise

you shall bind

them as a sign

on your hand

and they shall

be as frontlets

between your eyes

you shall write

them on the

doorposts

of your house

and on your gates

chapter 11

verses 18

through 19

you shall therefore

lay up these words

of mine in your heart

and in your soul

and you shall bind

them as a sign

on your hand

and they shall be

as frontlets

between your eyes

you shall teach

them to your children

talking of them

when you are sitting

in your house

and when you are

walking by the way

and when you lie

down

and when you rise

chapter 4

verse 9

this solemn

admonition

to be careful

it's an admonition

that occurs

numerous times

in Deuteronomy

if you go back

and read through it

and to watch

implies that the

Israelites

constantly face

the danger

of falling back

into sin

which would have

brought them

to the brink

of annihilation

as a nation

now what was

that sin

that sin

was idolatry

it was putting

anything

before their

relationship

with the almighty

God

and the nation

could become

idolatrous

in two related

ways

one

the depravity

of the human

mind

is so great

that the great

deeds of God

of his people

that they forget

and they might

slip

and lose focus

in their hearts

if they did not

constantly remind

themselves

of God's

mighty works

why do you think

we come to church

on a regular basis

why do you think

we gather together

it's for us

to be reminded

we don't come

in here

because God

needs us

to tell him

how great

he is

okay

he already

knows

but the posture

of our heart

man it needs

to be realigned

and shifted

we need to tell

him how great

he is

we need to be

reminded of who

he is

we need to look

back at the

things he's done

we need to be

refocused

so to speak

on our walk

with him

it's so important

to realign

ourselves

because it's

so easy

for us

to drift

away

or the second

way

through laziness

or apathy

parents might

fail to teach

them to their

children

and thus

their children

would become

idolaters

it's a big

issue

Deuteronomy

lays great

stress

not on the

priest

or other

religious

leaders

but on the

parents

as the ones

responsible

for their

children's

spiritual

education

the parents

see

God

trusts us

as parents

with his

great

revelation

such as

giving the

law at

Sinai

to faithful

stewards

who must

never forget

them and

must pass

them on

to their

children

but like

Joshua

from the

Old Testament

we got to

make a

choice

I don't

know if

you've

ever thought

about this

or not

but we're

free to

choose

we're not

free not

to choose

we're not

free to

choose the

consequences

or change

the outcome

of our

choice

but we

must make

a choice

you had to

make a

choice

I'm going to

get up

today

I'm going to

stay in bed

go to church

or am I not

we have

choices that

we make

all the

time

and Joshua

tells us

in chapter 24

verse 15

indicates

that he

wanted Israel

to be honest

with themselves

and declare

their allegiance

though he said

choose

he did not

intend to

encourage

idolatry

but was

confident

that the

very thought

of making

a commitment

to an idol

would be so

disgusting

to them

that they

would take

a stand

against all

such worship

and Joshua

left absolutely

no doubt

as to the

choice that

he was going

to make

for him

and for his

household

as for me

we're going

to serve

the Lord

what choices

are you making

for your

household

where is

your

allegiance

are we

as parents

doing enough

maybe

maybe not

I don't

know

how about

we ask

a better

question

according to

God's

clear directives

to parents

to be the

primary

disciples

of their

children

am I

being

efficient

or effective

what's

the difference

I thought

those were

the same

thing

no

if you're

efficient

you are

doing things

right

if you're

effective

you're doing

the right

things

now if I

handed you

a pair

of scissors

and I

asked you

to go

out

and cut

the grass

and you

went

blade by

blade

you'd be

efficient

if I

brought you

a zero

turn

you'd be

effective

right

see the

difference

it's not

just doing

things

right

it's

are we

doing

the right

things

when it

comes to

the leadership

in our

homes

when I

meet

with young

couples

for

premarital

pastoral

care

we're going

out of town

this week

for me

to do

my niece's

wedding

in Georgia

it's always

great

I don't

know why

how stupid

do your

family members

have to be

to get you

to do

their wedding

when they

know you're

going to ask

a bunch

of personal

probing

questions

I mean

really

hey

you know

what

you know

who I

am

you know

I'm

going to

ask

and you

still

want me

to do

your

wedding

yes

please

all right

well

all right

then

buckle

up

I asked

one of the

questions I

asked the

young man

can you

be the

spiritual

leader

of your

household

oh yeah

yeah I

can do

that

how are

you going

to do

that

y'all

know the

phrase

calf

looking

at a

new

gate

deer

caught

in

headlights

the

the

we got

any

teenage

boys

in here

I got

a 17

year old

y'all

know

y'all

stupid

and I

say that

because I

was I

was there

man

I mean

you know

I can't

get him

to speak

up when

I talk

to him

the grunting

the moaning

I mean

it's just

and the

decisions

that he

makes

some of

the time

good lord

but

yeah

oh yeah

I can

do that

well how

are you

planning on

doing it

I hadn't

thought about

that

do you know

if you ever

join a

small group

that I'm

leading

I'm just

going to

give you

a tip

there's two

answers

that you

can answer

most every

question

that I

ask you

Jesus

and not

as much

as I

should

here

let's

practice

do you

read your

bible

on a

regular

basis

okay

who

should

be at

the

very

center

of

your

life

see

there

you

go

it's

just

so

simple

if

you

know

those

two

things

but

you

see

we

cannot

expect

to

raise

godly

children

who

love

the

Lord

if

we

are

not

modeling

that

for

them

right

you

know

my son

plays

baseball

I'm not

going to

tell you

where

because

y'all

probably

egged

my

car

not

going to

tell you

where

but

you know

when we

go to

play

baseball

or we

go to

deer

hunt

there's a

lot of

conversation

that happens

that we

talk about

things on

an important

spiritual

level

and we

can't

miss

those

moments

and we

can't

expect

to raise

godly

children

if we

don't

seek

to create

those

times

where we

can

impact

them

and take

advantage

of them

being in

our

presence

and it

just

really

hit me

that

you know

I

look

back

on

the

time

in

the

car

the

time

in

the

truck

the

time

in

the

blind

the

powerful

conversations

I've had

with my

son

taking

my

daughter

out

to

eat

going

and

doing

some

of

her

girly

stuff

good

lord

that

I

don't

know

anything

about

but

just

being

present

to

have

conversations

those

are some

opportunities

that we

have

you see

because

once

the

choice

has

been

made

to

serve

the

Lord

we

must

teach

the

coming

generations

the

psalmist

in

psalm 78

says

I

must

recount

the

past

deeds

so

that

our

children

do

not

forget

each

generation

must

remember

that

the

Lord

revealed

the

divine

oracles

to

Israel

he

wanted

them

to

put

their

trust

in

God

to

remember

his

deeds

and

to

keep

his

commands

okay

that's

great

why

do we

need

to

hear

this

today

what's

the

point

because

we

need

it

as

well

wouldn't

you

say

that

our

world

is

a

little

bit

chaotic

right

now

do

you

think

that

our

world

needs

a

little

realignment

can

you

realign

the

world

can

you

realign

your

home

how's

the

world

going

to

change

we

realign

ourselves

we

realign

our

families

realign

our

churches

we

realign

our

communities

you

can't

fix

the

world

you

can

fix

your

home

it's

very

important

for

us

to

understand

that

and

understand

the

role

that

we

have

because

Deuteronomy

gives us

the command

Joshua

stresses

the choice

we must

make

and the

psalmist

shows us

the responsibility

that we

have

well you

know I

don't have

kids yet

you might

one day

so start

preparing

now for

what you

hope to

pass

on

well my

kids are

gone

as long

as they're

breathing

it's

not

too

late

maybe

if

they're

not

open

to

it

you

can

begin

preparing

to

disciple

your

grandkids

I

don't

plan

on

having

kids

well there's

some good

principles

for

discipleship

all

Christians

can take

away

from today's

message

and maybe

you are

plan to

serve

in an

area

where you

can

invest

in

someone

else's

kids

I

think

we

heard

an

appeal

this

morning

from

somebody

right

there's

some

opportunities

here to

invest

in the

younger

generation

did I

get

everyone

because like

I said

I don't

want us

to suffer

I mean

learn alone

here

I want to

make sure

I'm getting

everybody

included

Steve Wright

author of the

book of

parent privilege

challenged a

group of

student pastors

at a conference

I attended

years ago

with this

I found

this very

interesting

and I

said you

know

what

I'm

going to

do this

with my

students

I want

to see

if you're

making

this stuff

up

so he

said to

ask a

group of

students

like I

said I

took this

back

and I

was on

staff at

First Baptist

Plainview

Texas at

the time

I was a

youth

pastor

he said

ask them

how many

of you

read

scripture

with your

parents

on a

regular

basis

his

research

said

about

4-6%

he was

dead on

how many

of you

pray with

your parents

on a

regular

basis

again

he said

about

4-6%

is what

you're

going to

find

once

again

I wrote

them

down

I

did the

numbers

I

ran

the

math

and

everything

I

ran

it

all

I

took

how

many

responded

and

did

the

percentages

and

everything

and he

was

spot

on

on

both

of

these

and

then

he

said

now

how

many

of

you

would

like

to

read

the

scripture

and

pray

with

your

parents

on

a

regular

basis

if

they

asked

you

to

his

research

said

it

would

be

85

to

90%

and

for

the

leave

the

church

around

the

time

of

graduation

two

thirds

of

kids

and

church

going

families

are

walking

away

from

Christ

why

do

you

think

that

is

give

you

a

little

insight

from

two

pastors

I

highly

respect

one

says

listen

60%

of

children

who

grow up

in

evangelical

churches

do

not

return

to

those

churches

as

an

adult

because

they

do

not

see

a

real

genuine

!

commitment

in

the

lives

of

their

parents

another

one

says

no

country

in

history

has

ever

survived

the

destruction

of

the

family

unit

why

is

it

that

there

seems

to

be

so

many

church

going

parents

who

turn

out

children

who

eventually

forsake

the

church

and

turn

their