Sermon

Flourishing Family Life

Bruntsfield Evangelical Church - Sermons

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  1. Flourishing family life. Occasionally in our home we have what we call a bits and pieces tea.

  2. And basically what we do then is it's a kind of random assortment of all the stuff that's been

  3. left over from previous meals. You know, the two rogue sausages that are sitting in the freezer,

  4. the kind of margarine tub filled with bolognese sauce, a bit of cheese, and we just stick it all

  5. out as a way of kind of using up all the odds and ends that have been sitting about in the fridge

  6. and in the freezer. And there's a sense in which this talk on family is going to be a bit like that.

  7. It's going to be an assortment of different points that have occurred to me about family life. Some

  8. are going to be very direct biblical points. Some are going to be, I hope, common grace observations.

  9. And some of the applications are going to be based on the trials and errors of my personal experience.

  10. So a bit like that family tea, some bits might be a bit more nutritious than others. Some might be a

  11. bit more to your taste than others. So to mix the metaphors, there's an element in which as I kind of

  12. put stuff out, if the cap fits, wear it. If not, feel free just to leave it behind. So we don't have a

  13. main Bible reading tonight because we're going to do a bit of a Bible study and we're going to pick up

  14. on some of the places where family is talked about in the Bible. In terms of my own credentials,

  15. just my own family situation, there's a picture of my wife and three children being married for 21 years.

  16. I think that picture's about two years old now, but we have three children, a daughter who is 16,

  17. and two boys who are now 14 and 10. So I suppose I've got a bit of experience in terms of bringing

  18. up kids and going through some of the phases, particularly of early family life. But I want

  19. to be very clear that I am not a specialist on family life. I'm not standing here pretending in

  20. any sense to be some kind of guru on the issue of bringing up your children. But I have been asked

  21. to speak on this subject of flourishing family life. Now, as regards the word family, of course,

  22. we can think about that in a number of ways. We can use it to describe any grouping where the parts

  23. have a strong connection to each other. So I talk about the FIEC family of churches quite a lot as I go

  24. around. Indeed, the Bible itself describes the bonds between Christians as being familial,

  25. that is of a family nature. Our Christian relationships to one another are described

  26. in the New Testament in family terms. If you go to, put my glasses on here, usually I can see

  27. things that are that far back, but I'll just get the copy at the moment. But if you look, for example,

  28. that well-known passage in 1 Timothy, Paul writes to that New Testament pastor overseeing that church

  29. in Ephesus, and he says,

  30. Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers,

  31. old women as mothers, and young women as sisters with absolute purity. You see, he's describing

  32. our relationships within the church as Christians in family terms. Because the spiritual reality is

  33. that as Christians, we are part of one family. We are part of God's family. Whether we like it or not,

  34. we are related to each other in Christ. That is just true. That is just a fact if you're a Christian

  35. here tonight. So Paul uses this domestic template of family life to instruct us and to help us to

  36. understand what he wants our church family life to look like. And if church family is in some sense to

  37. reflect domestic family life, then our domestic family model ought to be a good one. It will help us.

  38. The better our domestic family model is to know then how to conduct ourselves and to relate to each

  39. other within a local church family, to set a good example to each other. Now, of course, this is a

  40. two-way street, isn't it? Both our church family and our domestic family should inform each other.

  41. They should be a good example to each other. They should be mutually strengthening. But the main focus

  42. of the time that we have this evening will be on the domestic family, domestic family life.

  43. Take that as the subject in mind in the context of the series that you've been doing. The family,

  44. typically of mum and or dad and children. It's a family that most of us either grew up in or perhaps

  45. are bringing up now. And it's the family that if we weren't brought up in that environment,

  46. I think most of us would nonetheless want it for our own children if we are to have that blessing.

  47. It's the family which has historically been described as the basic unit or building block of society,

  48. sometimes said in the wedding ceremony about the family being that basic component of human society

  49. as the primary place of nurture for children. The place where we will learn our most basic values

  50. and behaviours. The environment that more than any other in human terms that will shape us and form us.

  51. Now the biblical model, the biblical ideal for the family begins with a man and a woman united in marriage.

  52. We go to Genesis. We get that creational template, don't we? Genesis chapter 1.

    Genesis 1 chapter mention

  53. Male and female, he created them. God blessed them and said to them,

  54. be fruitful and increase in number. In other words, go and have children.

  55. Fill the earth and subdue it. And then later on in Genesis chapter 2 when we have the account of Eve being formed

    Genesis 2 chapter mention

  56. and Adam and Eve being placed together in the garden.

  57. Genesis 2.25 tells us,

  58. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,

  59. and they will become one flesh.

  60. Very clear in the Bible and throughout the Bible that God's context for family life,

  61. for bringing up children is that environment of a mother and a father united together.

  62. Male and female, equal but crucially different and complementary in what they bring to the family,

  63. committed to each other for life.

  64. Just as Adam was not complete on his own in the garden,

  65. a family in that sense is not totally complete without those partners.

  66. Now please, please don't mishear me at this point.

  67. My own wider family, two of my sisters are divorced.

  68. One is a single parent.

  69. I have Christian friends who have been bereaved.

  70. And if you are in that situation or have been through that situation,

  71. you certainly don't need me or anyone else telling you how painful and traumatic and scarring that experience is.

  72. We live in a fallen world.

  73. Many families do not have a united mum and dad.

  74. All of us need to be very humble and sensitive to that fact.

  75. But equally we recognise the sadness of those situations.

  76. We would wish it to be otherwise.

  77. We would want ideally those situations to be different.

  78. Because we know the pain and difficulties that arise when the biblical model isn't in place.

  79. Where we recognise why the Bible model is such a precious gift from God.

  80. Actually it's in those very situations that being in a church family is such a blessing and help to us.

  81. I'm very blessed to be married to a godly wife, Jessica.

  82. And I have, as I mentioned, a 16 year old daughter.

  83. And I'm very blessed particularly because my wife is such a great example to my daughter

  84. of what a godly woman looks like.

  85. My daughter can observe that every day.

  86. With the best will in the world,

  87. I am never going to be able to model to my daughter what a godly woman looks like.

  88. But suppose, Lord forbid, that Jessica wasn't there.

  89. My daughter would still have lots of wonderful examples of godly women in the local church to observe.

  90. Indeed, that's exactly what Paul calls for in Titus chapter 2.

    Titus 2 chapter mention

  91. It says of the older women,

  92. they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.

  93. And he mentions the men as well.

  94. Well, similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.

  95. And everything set them example by doing what is good.

  96. You may be bringing up boys and they don't have a Christian dad around.

  97. They don't have that kind of role model.

  98. Well, at church there are men who can, in part, make up for that.

  99. So Christian men, just as an aside,

  100. don't vacate Sunday school and youth work and just leave it to the ladies.

  101. You're needed more than ever in those ministries today.

  102. Our young boys in church, our young men,

  103. need to see Christian men living out the Christian life,

  104. taking on those responsibilities,

  105. and having those role models and examples before them.

  106. And not to think that Christian ministry is just what the women do

  107. when they come to church.

  108. Now, those are some general background observations.

  109. Let me move on to some maybe more practical suggestions.

  110. But I do this with a cautionary note.

  111. Because there are general principles,

  112. clear principles that we get from Scripture,

  113. such as prayer and sharing God's words.

  114. So, for example, if we look at Deuteronomy, chapter 6,

    Deuteronomy 6 chapter mention

  115. Israel is commanded.

  116. Israel's parents are commanded.

  117. These commandments that I give you today

  118. are to be upon your hearts.

  119. This is the law, all of God revealed word to them.

  120. Impress them on your children.

  121. Talk about them when you sit at home

  122. and when you walk along the road,

  123. when you lie down and when you get up.

  124. This is a commandment,

  125. an exhortation that family life should be saturated in God's words.

  126. Clear call of Scripture.

  127. But I don't want to be too prescriptive,

  128. on the other hand,

  129. in exactly how parents do that.

  130. Yes, the word of God should be central in our family lives.

  131. But the New Testament isn't highly detailed or prescriptive

  132. about the precise organization of family life.

  133. It doesn't give us a timetable for family devotions

  134. or for bedtimes, for that matter.

  135. Because, of course, all families are different.

  136. There are families that are small and tidy.

  137. There are some that are just big and messy.

  138. Some are blended, as they say today,

  139. with the challenges of that.

  140. Parents from different families

  141. have different working patterns

  142. that affect the routines

  143. and the calendar of family life.

  144. If you have kids,

  145. you'll know that what works with one kid

  146. doesn't necessarily work with another kid.

  147. Think of discipline, for example.

  148. And if that's true within a family,

  149. then all the more between separate families.

  150. I grew up in a big non-Christian family.

  151. I was the youngest of six children.

  152. Both of my parents had drink problems.

  153. My mother eventually went to Alcoholics Anonymous.

  154. Growing up in my house as the youngest,

  155. there was all sorts of stuff went on.

  156. There was teenage pregnancy.

  157. There were affairs.

  158. There were debt problems.

  159. Remember there was a fist fight

  160. in the hall on one occasion.

  161. It was all very chaotic.

  162. Sometimes I say,

  163. what a Christmas that was.

  164. But it was reassuring then to find out

  165. that when I became a Christian in my teens,

  166. that the Bible is actually full

  167. of dysfunctional families.

  168. But God's grace is big enough

  169. to work and to bring good out

  170. even in those kind of families.

  171. Think of Jacob with his 12 sons

  172. from four different mothers,

  173. all at loggerheads.

  174. David, a family riven with jealousies

  175. and rebellions against him.

  176. Well, you know, if God could save me

  177. randomly from my big messy family

  178. by sending a Christian group

  179. into my primary school,

  180. and if he could then save my atheist mother,

  181. as she was very adamantly

  182. throughout my teenage years,

  183. she used to come to some Christian activities,

  184. you know, the parents' nights,

  185. that kind of stuff,

  186. and whenever they prayed,

  187. she would just sit bolt upright,

  188. looking about,

  189. having nothing to do with this nonsense.

  190. But if he could save her in her 70s,

  191. if he could save my sister out of the blue

  192. just two weeks ago,

  193. then let me say there's hope

  194. for all our families.

  195. There's hope for your family,

  196. no matter how messy and dysfunctional

  197. it might appear to be.

  198. Don't despair if your family feels

  199. a little bit all over the place,

  200. spiritually speaking.

  201. God's grace in families

  202. is greater and far more active

  203. than we think.

  204. That said,

  205. God's grace doesn't leave us floundering,

  206. does it?

  207. It comes to us to help to move us

  208. and our families

  209. onto being better families.

  210. God's grace is always given

  211. to help us to be the people,

  212. to be the mums and the dads,

  213. that reflect God's good model

  214. of family life

  215. more and more

  216. as we go through life.

  217. And because, of course,

  218. God is the architect of family life,

  219. then his model,

  220. his template,

  221. is the best one.

  222. It's for our good.

  223. It's the one in which our families

  224. will be most satisfied

  225. and most complete.

  226. Now, I've mentioned that families

  227. are different,

  228. so I don't want to be overly prescriptive

  229. in terms of applications.

  230. There's no one-size-fits-all

  231. in terms of the precise timetables

  232. and arrangements

  233. that an individual family might make.

  234. Equally, families go through

  235. different phases

  236. and you have to adjust

  237. as you go through

  238. those different phases,

  239. don't you,

  240. of family life.

  241. I read an article,

  242. an interview,

  243. I think it was,

  244. with Michael Parkinson,

  245. and he described his kind of family life

  246. as he looked back on it

  247. as being like a big W.

  248. And you started off

  249. on a high

  250. married bliss,

  251. those first honeymoon-esque years together.

  252. And then the first children come along

  253. and that's good for a little bit,

  254. but then, of course,

  255. you're just assumed

  256. and nappies and sleepless nights

  257. and all that kind of stuff.

  258. But then, of course,

  259. as they grow out

  260. of those very early years,

  261. this was his experience,

  262. then they get into that

  263. quite innocent,

  264. kind of lovely,

  265. playful,

  266. very, very dependent upon you

  267. kind of phase of life

  268. when you go to the zoo

  269. and everything's just great fun.

  270. Back up again.

  271. And then, of course,

  272. they become teenagers.

  273. And it's stressful

  274. and it's angst

  275. and it's all this kind of stuff.

  276. And then they kind of grow out of that

  277. and they go into adulthood

  278. and you have this mature

  279. kind of adult

  280. kind of friendship bond

  281. with your children.

  282. A W.

  283. I quite like that anyway.

  284. So take the practice

  285. of family devotions,

  286. reading the Bible

  287. with your children.

  288. Obviously,

  289. that is going to look different

  290. depending on what age

  291. your kids are.

  292. What worked

  293. when they were very young

  294. might not be that helpful

  295. or workable

  296. when they get older.

  297. It's just kind of common sense,

  298. isn't it?

  299. Our kids are 10,

  300. 14,

  301. 16.

  302. Our family Bible time

  303. is at the evening meal.

  304. Mornings don't work for us.

  305. That's just our bad planning

  306. or organisation.

  307. But the mornings just tend

  308. to be too chaotic,

  309. too pressurised,

  310. and too prone

  311. to interruptions.

  312. Who's seen my so-and-so?

  313. I can't find this,

  314. etc.,

  315. etc.

  316. So we have it in the evening.

  317. We have a bit more control

  318. over that time.

  319. It's a bit more settled.

  320. But your family might be different.

  321. That's what I'm saying.

  322. Sometimes in the evenings,

  323. it doesn't happen in our house.

  324. People are away

  325. or they've got to leave

  326. or whatever.

  327. We use daily reading notes

  328. for our evening Bible time.

  329. We read a short passage

  330. and we read the comment

  331. from the book on it.

  332. And we might say

  333. one or two things about it.

  334. We might not.

  335. Having that resource,

  336. we have found,

  337. is very helpful.

  338. Because otherwise,

  339. it's quite easy

  340. to run dry.

  341. You always think

  342. you'll have something

  343. to say about a passage,

  344. but this number of times

  345. you feel that what you're going to say

  346. is going to be pretty predictable

  347. and cliched.

  348. And it avoids just repetition.

  349. And we go round at the end

  350. and we ask for prayer requests.

  351. And a lot of the time,

  352. I'll be honest,

  353. there's not much forthcoming.

  354. Nothing greatly dramatic.

  355. It's a bit kind of same old,

  356. same old.

  357. But it means that

  358. if there is something big

  359. or pressing

  360. that does come up,

  361. then the setting for it

  362. has been established.

  363. But of course,

  364. that spiritual interaction

  365. in families

  366. between parents and kids

  367. isn't just about

  368. set-piece formalities.

  369. It's not just about

  370. the dinner table

  371. and out comes the Bible.

  372. It is about talking about

  373. spiritual things naturally.

  374. That is what the thrust

  375. of that passage in Deuteronomy

  376. is about, isn't it?

  377. It's about as you're walking

  378. along the street,

  379. as you're going to bed.

  380. It's just to inform

  381. and to kind of come into

  382. all these different situations.

  383. It's not to be compartmentalized.

  384. This is the time we do

  385. the religious stuff, kids.

  386. I think a lot of our children's

  387. discipleship has been done

  388. with them sitting at the end

  389. of our bed

  390. before they go to sleep

  391. unloading issues

  392. or having questions.

  393. My wife has discipled my daughter

  394. so often in that way.

  395. She tends to appear

  396. quite late in the evening

  397. if my wife's trying to get to sleep

  398. and sits on the end of the bed

  399. and wants to talk.

  400. And that's a great opportunity

  401. for discipleship.

  402. Or just finishing

  403. a conversation off in prayer.

  404. Just, well, let's just pray about that.

  405. It doesn't have to be elaborate

  406. but natural.

  407. There's a really key thing

  408. that we can help our children

  409. with us into

  410. is just setting a model

  411. of natural everyday prayer.

  412. Modeling honest, reflective prayers

  413. prayers don't have to be strident,

  414. don't have to be flowery,

  415. but just rooted

  416. in a confident, secure

  417. relationship with God.

  418. Prayers that don't seek

  419. to have all the answers

  420. or even to expect

  421. all the answers

  422. but simply just ask

  423. a loving Heavenly Father

  424. to help in that situation

  425. at that time.

  426. Crucially, of course,

  427. are our prayers

  428. for our children

  429. if we're parents.

  430. Great quote from

  431. George Philip

  432. from his daily readings

  433. on the book of Job.

  434. He says this,

  435. He, Job,

  436. knew he could not

  437. keep his children

  438. from living in the world.

  439. That would have created

  440. a spirit of rebellion

  441. against the holiness

  442. and narrowness

  443. of their father

  444. as they would have

  445. perhaps seen it.

  446. So he surrounded them

  447. by prayer continually.

  448. Parents, your children,

  449. out of love and respect

  450. for you,

  451. may behave at home

  452. but unless they have

  453. a faith that is real,

  454. you will never know

  455. what they are doing

  456. when they are away.

  457. Better get down

  458. on your knees.

  459. You know,

  460. it's such a powerful quote.

  461. I highlighted it at the time

  462. and remembered it

  463. in this preparation.

  464. You know,

  465. unless you are going

  466. to bring up your children

  467. in some kind of

  468. Truman Show type construction,

  469. your kids are going

  470. to be exposed

  471. to our society

  472. in all its rotten forms.

  473. If they go to school

  474. and they have a smartphone

  475. or they have a friend

  476. with a smartphone,

  477. they'll see porn.

  478. Just accept that fact.

  479. They swim

  480. every day

  481. in the cultural sea

  482. of sexual chaos

  483. and materialism.

  484. So acknowledge it.

  485. Talk about it.

  486. Not stridently,

  487. but compassionately.

  488. Acknowledge the fact

  489. that other people

  490. don't share your views.

  491. Live differently.

  492. Don't pretend

  493. that it doesn't exist.

  494. Don't go into some sort

  495. of denial about it.

  496. And let me suggest

  497. that more than you

  498. condemn and oppose it,

  499. show the goodness

  500. of God's alternative.

  501. I wrote a little article

  502. a little while ago

  503. on transgender.

  504. It's a big cultural

  505. issue now,

  506. isn't it?

  507. On the back of other

  508. sexuality issues,

  509. transgender is the thing

  510. which really now

  511. is the new frontier

  512. of social revolution

  513. and cultural change.

  514. And of course,

  515. there's a number

  516. of approaches

  517. people can take

  518. to that issue.

  519. One of them,

  520. maybe a traditional

  521. Christian one

  522. in many ways,

  523. is the slam it

  524. and ban it approach.

  525. It's absolutely terrible.

  526. We should have some laws

  527. against this kind of thing

  528. or certainly not get rid

  529. of any of the laws

  530. that might be against it.

  531. But actually,

  532. I think we have to

  533. acknowledge that we

  534. live in a society

  535. where people are going

  536. to have that choice.

  537. Might not like it,

  538. but we have to acknowledge

  539. they might have that choice.

  540. Medicine and society

  541. is going to support them

  542. and facilitate them.

  543. But actually,

  544. what we want to say

  545. as Christians is,

  546. you know,

  547. there is an alternative.

  548. There is another way

  549. to go

  550. to recognize

  551. there's a God

  552. who made you,

  553. who made you male

  554. or female.

  555. Didn't make a mistake

  556. when he did that.

  557. God who loves you.

  558. God who understands

  559. that every part

  560. of every one of us

  561. is messed up

  562. to some degree

  563. or another.

  564. And a God

  565. who in Christ

  566. came to save you

  567. and wants

  568. by grace

  569. and by the Holy Spirit

  570. to help you

  571. to move

  572. to actually

  573. being the person

  574. he made you to be

  575. content

  576. in your own skin

  577. and not have

  578. to go through

  579. all that trauma

  580. and rigmarole

  581. of trying to be

  582. something

  583. which actually

  584. God never wanted

  585. you to be.

  586. There's an alternative.

  587. But over all

  588. these things,

  589. pray.

  590. Pray for their souls.

  591. Pray for the

  592. seed of God's word

  593. to fall on good ground

  594. in their hearts

  595. as they come

  596. to church

  597. week by week

  598. and YFs

  599. and Bible studies

  600. and around

  601. the dinner table.

  602. Pray for God

  603. to have mercy

  604. upon them

  605. to rescue them

  606. from this present

  607. evil age.

  608. One of my sisters,

  609. my four older sisters,

  610. was the real

  611. black sheep

  612. of the family.

  613. She fell out

  614. of school

  615. without any qualifications,

  616. got into all sorts

  617. of problems

  618. and bother.

  619. Back in the 1970s,

  620. she was given

  621. a real hard time

  622. by one particular

  623. teacher who obviously

  624. just saw her

  625. going off the rails,

  626. so to speak.

  627. And she used to

  628. say to her,

  629. I'll use her name

  630. if you won't mind,

  631. she used to say,

  632. Fiona Hunter,

  633. if you don't

  634. sort yourself out,

  635. you're going to

  636. end up slicing

  637. bacon behind

  638. the deli

  639. in Woolworth's.

  640. Remember the days

  641. that Woolworth's

  642. actually had a deli?

  643. Anybody remember

  644. Woolworth's?

  645. Back in the 70s,

  646. it was actually

  647. a deli in Woolworth's.

  648. And that was,

  649. from this teacher's

  650. point of view,

  651. you know,

  652. working in the deli

  653. in Woolworth's

  654. was the very

  655. definition of failure

  656. in life.

  657. But I won't be

  658. too pietistic about it,

  659. Lord knows my heart.

  660. We have often

  661. prayed

  662. that our children

  663. would work

  664. the deli

  665. in Woolworth's

  666. if that means

  667. going on with

  668. Christ

  669. rather than

  670. becoming another

  671. nominal,

  672. former church

  673. going kid

  674. who's now a

  675. high flyer

  676. and raking it in.

  677. And that's a real

  678. test of our

  679. convictions,

  680. isn't it?

  681. Because the reality

  682. is that what

  683. we want for

  684. our children

  685. is pretty much

  686. what we want

  687. for ourselves.

  688. So pray over them.

  689. Don't be naive.

  690. Pray that God

  691. will rescue them

  692. from this present

  693. evil age.

  694. Finally then,

  695. discipline

  696. and grace.

  697. Of course,

  698. in all this,

  699. you need to have

  700. boundaries,

  701. don't you?

  702. My father-in-law

  703. used to say to me

  704. as I hauled

  705. one of our children

  706. away from the

  707. dinner table

  708. for playing up,

  709. he said,

  710. don't worry Andy,

  711. you've got to

  712. bring them up.

  713. And indeed,

  714. that's a biblical

  715. command.

  716. Ephesians chapter

    Ephesians 6 chapter mention

  717. 6 and verse 4,

  718. we are told,

  719. fathers,

  720. do not exasperate

  721. your children,

  722. instead bring them

  723. up in the training

  724. and instruction

  725. of the Lord.

  726. Some versions

  727. say the discipline

  728. of the Lord.

  729. Hebrews goes on

  730. to tell us

  731. that the Lord

  732. himself disciplines

  733. the one that

  734. he loves.

  735. the instruction.

  736. Well,

  737. we thought about

  738. that a bit,

  739. haven't we?

  740. That biblical

  741. input and

  742. teaching that

  743. is to be

  744. central to

  745. our family

  746. lives and

  747. however that

  748. is administered.

  749. But discipline,

  750. of course,

  751. is setting the

  752. limits of what

  753. is acceptable

  754. behavior.

  755. And like the

  756. Lord who

  757. enforces,

  758. at times,

  759. discipline in

  760. our lives,

  761. the lives of

  762. his own

  763. children,

  764. we do it

  765. because we

  766. love them.

  767. Discipline is

  768. vital to

  769. protect them

  770. and to

  771. develop good

  772. character.

  773. One boundary

  774. that we've

  775. tried to

  776. enforce in

  777. our own

  778. family,

  779. and believe me

  780. it's a

  781. constant battle,

  782. so don't

  783. in any way

  784. think that

  785. this is

  786. something that

  787. we have

  788. gotten top

  789. of.

  790. But one

  791. boundary that

  792. we try to

  793. enforce is

  794. how people

  795. speak to

  796. each other

  797. in our

  798. home,

  799. how the

  800. children

  801. interact with

  802. each other.

  803. As you know

  804. what it's like,

  805. constant put-downs

  806. and meanness

  807. and picking

  808. fault.

  809. And the

  810. point we

  811. try to

  812. make to

  813. them is

  814. that that's

  815. the kind

  816. of thing

  817. that you

  818. have to

  819. put up

  820. out there.

  821. That's the

  822. kind of

  823. thing that

  824. you're not

  825. going to

  826. escape from

  827. when you're

  828. in the

  829. playground or

  830. in the

  831. street,

  832. that kind

  833. of abuse

  834. and nitpicking

  835. and fault

  836. finding and

  837. just general

  838. meanness.

  839. But in

  840. this place,

  841. in this

  842. home,

  843. is a place

  844. where you

  845. should be

  846. able to

  847. escape from

  848. that.

  849. You

  850. should be

  851. safe here,

  852. you should

  853. be respected

  854. here.

  855. That's not

  856. acceptable here.

  857. This is to

  858. be a haven

  859. for people

  860. who have to

  861. put up

  862. that kind

  863. of stuff

  864. out there.

  865. Actually,

  866. you know,

  867. the church

  868. should be

  869. like that,

  870. isn't it?

  871. That's the

  872. point of the

  873. church family.

  874. You go to

  875. work,

  876. you go out

  877. in the

  878. street,

  879. you interact

  880. with people,

  881. you might

  882. be subject

  883. to kind

  884. of meanness

  885. and unfairness

  886. and insult

  887. and difficulty.

  888. The whole

  889. point of

  890. these instructions

  891. about holiness

  892. in the church

  893. and how

  894. we're to

  895. interact with

  896. each other

  897. in the church

  898. is that the

  899. church should

  900. be a haven,

  901. should be a

  902. place where

  903. you come to

  904. and you're

  905. not subject

  906. to that

  907. kind of

  908. stuff,

  909. you're free

  910. from that

  911. kind of

  912. stuff.

  913. This is the

  914. place where

  915. you will be

  916. loved and

  917. respected and

  918. cared for.

  919. People don't

  920. get treated

  921. the way they

  922. do out in

  923. the street

  924. when they

  925. come in

  926. here.

  927. And that

  928. should be

  929. true in

  930. our families.

  931. Again,

  932. exactly how

  933. you work

  934. these things

  935. out,

  936. what your

  937. precise

  938. boundaries

  939. are,

  940. what the

  941. sanctions

  942. that you

  943. want to

  944. impose are

  945. in terms

  946. of discipline,

  947. that's going

  948. to vary

  949. from family

  950. to family,

  951. even as I

  952. mentioned

  953. from child

  954. to child.

  955. Let me

  956. just make

  957. two observations.

  958. One is

  959. that discipline

  960. is never

  961. going to be

  962. popular or

  963. gratefully

  964. received at

  965. the time.

  966. It's a very

  967. obvious thing

  968. to say,

  969. isn't it?

  970. But I

  971. think we

  972. need to

  973. make that

  974. point

  975. increasingly

  976. today,

  977. because what

  978. it means

  979. is that

  980. your

  981. relationship

  982. to your

  983. child

  984. cannot be

  985. based on

  986. being

  987. BFFs.

  988. That means

  989. best friends

  990. forever.

  991. Low.

  992. Your

  993. relationship

  994. with your

  995. child is

  996. not about

  997. being a

  998. BFF.

  999. My

  1000. father had

  1001. six kids.

  1002. he spent

  1003. most of

  1004. his adult

  1005. life raising

  1006. children.

  1007. My brother

  1008. is 16

  1009. years older

  1010. than me.

  1011. He's at

  1012. the end

  1013. of the

  1014. spectrum.

  1015. So you

  1016. can imagine

  1017. his whole

  1018. life was

  1019. basically

  1020. just children.

  1021. And I

  1022. don't think

  1023. that he

  1024. ever gave

  1025. a moment's

  1026. thought as

  1027. to whether

  1028. his kids

  1029. liked him

  1030. or not.

  1031. But he

  1032. looked after

  1033. us.

  1034. We knew

  1035. where we

  1036. stood,

  1037. and that

  1038. ultimately

  1039. gave us

  1040. much more

  1041. security

  1042. than a

  1043. pal who

  1044. was trying

  1045. to get

  1046. our

  1047. approval.

  1048. Secondly,

  1049. discipline

  1050. needs to

  1051. be

  1052. complemented

  1053. with

  1054. grace.

  1055. Because notice

  1056. those verses

  1057. that we

  1058. read,

  1059. the same

  1060. verse in

  1061. Ephesians

  1062. that talks

  1063. about

  1064. discipline,

  1065. about

  1066. instruction,

  1067. about

  1068. training,

  1069. says,

  1070. fathers,

  1071. do not

  1072. exasperate

  1073. your

  1074. children.

  1075. Always

  1076. tempting,

  1077. isn't it,

  1078. to raise

  1079. the bar

  1080. up behind

  1081. you in

  1082. life.

  1083. So we

  1084. set our

  1085. expectations

  1086. of others

  1087. on the

  1088. basis of

  1089. where we

  1090. are now,

  1091. as opposed

  1092. to where

  1093. we might

  1094. have been

  1095. ourselves

  1096. in the

  1097. past.

  1098. Part of

  1099. me is

  1100. horrified of

  1101. the thought

  1102. that a

  1103. 30-year-old

  1104. me would

  1105. have been

  1106. an elder.

  1107. But I

  1108. was.

  1109. And I've

  1110. got to bear

  1111. that in

  1112. mind when

  1113. I'm looking

  1114. at other

  1115. people today.

  1116. It's the same

  1117. with our

  1118. kids,

  1119. isn't it?

  1120. There is a

  1121. danger, I

  1122. think,

  1123. sometimes in

  1124. hot house of

  1125. evangelicalism,

  1126. of expecting

  1127. teenagers to

  1128. behave like

  1129. seasoned

  1130. saints.

  1131. Youth in

  1132. the Bible is

  1133. often recognized

  1134. as a time of

  1135. recklessness and

  1136. excess.

  1137. David says,

  1138. remember not

  1139. the sins of

  1140. my youth,

  1141. Psalm 25.

  1142. In

  1143. Timothy, we

  1144. are called

  1145. on to flee

  1146. youthful passions

  1147. or to flee

  1148. evil desires

  1149. of youth.

  1150. Youth is a

  1151. time, perhaps

  1152. more than

  1153. most, where

  1154. lots of

  1155. grace is

  1156. needed.

  1157. If you

  1158. are on

  1159. your

  1160. teenagers

  1161. back

  1162. constantly,

  1163. they're not

  1164. going to

  1165. notice when

  1166. you're actually

  1167. trying to

  1168. warn them

  1169. about something

  1170. that's really

  1171. serious,

  1172. because it's

  1173. just you

  1174. picking faults

  1175. again.

  1176. You pick

  1177. faults about

  1178. the colour

  1179. of my hair,

  1180. about my

  1181. bedroom, and

  1182. now you're

  1183. just picking

  1184. faults.

  1185. But actually

  1186. this thing is

  1187. quite serious,

  1188. but it just

  1189. all disappears

  1190. in the

  1191. noise.

  1192. What is

  1193. vital is

  1194. that we

  1195. model to

  1196. them,

  1197. unconditional

  1198. love, and

  1199. a consistency

  1200. in our

  1201. own faith?

  1202. Let me

  1203. finish this

  1204. rather scattered,

  1205. I told you

  1206. it was going

  1207. to be a

  1208. bits and

  1209. pieces talk

  1210. with a

  1211. quote, I

  1212. love this

  1213. quote.

  1214. This is

  1215. one of my

  1216. tutors at

  1217. Bible college

  1218. used to

  1219. say this

  1220. to us,

  1221. there's no

  1222. such thing

  1223. as perfect

  1224. parents, and

  1225. the ones

  1226. who have

  1227. got lousy

  1228. kids.

  1229. I love

  1230. that, there's

  1231. a lot of

  1232. truth in it.

  1233. It should

  1234. humble us,

  1235. and it

  1236. should make

  1237. us all

  1238. calm down

  1239. a little

  1240. bit when

  1241. it comes

  1242. to this

  1243. subject.

  1244. But of

  1245. course there

  1246. is a

  1247. perfect

  1248. parent,

  1249. isn't

  1250. there?

  1251. The

  1252. God and

  1253. Father of

  1254. Jesus

  1255. Christ.

  1256. And yet

  1257. even his

  1258. children are

  1259. far from

  1260. perfect in

  1261. this world.

  1262. Whether that

  1263. was Israel,

  1264. whether it's

  1265. Christians now,

  1266. that of

  1267. course is no

  1268. fault in

  1269. God's part,

  1270. but a

  1271. reflection of

  1272. their fallenness.

  1273. That means

  1274. that regardless

  1275. of our best

  1276. efforts and

  1277. all the good

  1278. wisdom in

  1279. the world

  1280. that we

  1281. could share,

  1282. there are

  1283. no guarantees

  1284. in family

  1285. life about

  1286. how things

  1287. are going

  1288. to work

  1289. out.

  1290. The best

  1291. families can

  1292. see children

  1293. go awry.

  1294. Corinthian

  1295. church sat

  1296. under the

  1297. care and

  1298. teaching of

  1299. the great

  1300. pastor and

  1301. theologian

  1302. Paul himself.

  1303. It doesn't

  1304. get any better

  1305. than that,

  1306. and yet

  1307. they seemed

  1308. to get

  1309. just about

  1310. everything

  1311. wrong.

  1312. You see,

  1313. remember that

  1314. no one

  1315. loves your

  1316. kids or

  1317. your family

  1318. more than

  1319. God does.

  1320. Matthew

  1321. 7 in the

  1322. Sermon on

  1323. the Mount,

  1324. these great

  1325. words,

  1326. if you

  1327. then,

  1328. though you

  1329. are evil,

  1330. know how

  1331. to give

  1332. good gifts

  1333. to your

  1334. children,

  1335. how much

  1336. more will

  1337. your Father

  1338. in heaven

  1339. give good

  1340. gifts to

  1341. those who

  1342. ask him.

  1343. You see,

  1344. God is

  1345. right behind

  1346. us when

  1347. we ask

  1348. for good

  1349. things.

  1350. He's not

  1351. going to be

  1352. less kind

  1353. and less

  1354. generous to

  1355. you and

  1356. your family

  1357. than you

  1358. are.

  1359. So whatever

  1360. your family

  1361. situation,

  1362. whether it's

  1363. good or

  1364. bad,

  1365. you can

  1366. commit it

  1367. to the

  1368. Lord.

  1369. You can

  1370. do so

  1371. in the

  1372. trust and

  1373. in the

  1374. confidence

  1375. that he

  1376. will work

  1377. out his

  1378. good

  1379. purposes

  1380. for those

  1381. that you

  1382. love.

  1383. You can

  1384. commit them

  1385. to a

  1386. loving

  1387. heavenly

  1388. father.

  1389. And one

  1390. of the

  1391. things you

  1392. can ask

  1393. him for

  1394. is for

  1395. your

  1396. family.

  1397. I know

  1398. that as

  1399. you ask

  1400. for your

  1401. family with

  1402. those good

  1403. desires,

  1404. that he

  1405. is willing

  1406. to bless,

  1407. to help,

  1408. to carry

  1409. you in

  1410. your family

  1411. and to

  1412. do his

  1413. good work

  1414. in you

  1415. and among

  1416. those

  1417. precious to

  1418. you in

  1419. that place.

  1420. Let's

  1421. pray.

  1422. Father, we

  1423. thank you

  1424. for family.

  1425. We thank

  1426. you that

  1427. every one

  1428. of us

  1429. has

  1430. experience

  1431. of family

  1432. in some

  1433. way or

  1434. another.

  1435. And we

  1436. thank you

  1437. that even

  1438. as we

  1439. reflect on

  1440. families that

  1441. fall very

  1442. far short

  1443. of your

  1444. good standards,

  1445. of your

  1446. template for

  1447. life, yet

  1448. we in

  1449. Christ can

  1450. be brought

  1451. into a

  1452. family which

  1453. is being

  1454. worked out

  1455. according to

  1456. those good

  1457. purposes,

  1458. that family

  1459. that will

  1460. transcend this

  1461. life itself,

  1462. that we will

  1463. be your

  1464. children, the

  1465. children of

  1466. the one

  1467. perfect

  1468. Father.

  1469. So,

  1470. Father, I

  1471. just pray that

  1472. you will

  1473. bless these

  1474. random

  1475. thoughts to

  1476. us, that

  1477. the things

  1478. which haven't

  1479. been helpful,

  1480. that perhaps

  1481. have been

  1482. arbitrary, will

  1483. be quickly

  1484. dispensed with

  1485. and forgotten,

  1486. but Father,

  1487. where you

  1488. have spoken,

  1489. where you

  1490. have breathed

  1491. truth out

  1492. through your

  1493. words and

  1494. through our

  1495. thoughts tonight,

  1496. that they

  1497. would help us

  1498. to have

  1499. families and

  1500. to be parents

  1501. and grandparents

  1502. and brothers

  1503. and sisters

  1504. and church

  1505. members who

  1506. reflect something

  1507. of your

  1508. goodness and

  1509. your love and

  1510. your care for

  1511. us.

  1512. So we commit

  1513. these things to

  1514. you now and

  1515. ask your blessing

  1516. upon us for

  1517. Jesus' sake.

  1518. Amen.

  1519. Amen.

  1520. Amen.

  1521. Amen.

  1522. Amen.

  1523. Amen.

  1524. Amen.

  1525. Amen.

  1526. Amen.

  1527. Amen.

  1528. Amen.

  1529. Amen.

  1530. Amen.

  1531. Amen.

  1532. Amen.

  1533. Amen.

  1534. Amen.

  1535. Amen.