Fathering Starts With Prayer | Jeff Conley

Amen, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Father. You are daddy, You're

Abbah. Thank you Lord, your Lord, you may be seated. Do

you have some men in the house this morning, Yes, we have some

fathers in the house. Yes. Okay. If you're a dad, stand

up, stand up. Also, if you would like to be a dad,

now, you need a wife first and all that. But even if

you're a little boy and you want to have kids someday, stand please.

We're standing for dads and those that want to be dads. Lord, Thank

you for these men. Thank you that they are your mighty men. They

are enlisted in your army and you them with honor and respect and high rank.

Thank you, Lord, you do. Thank you Lord for your fifth

commandment, which says, honor your father. We honor fathers today. Thank

you for fathers. Thank you Father, you're our dad. Thank you Father

that you sent your son to die for us so we could be with you

and hang out with you and be one with you. Thank you for these

young men that want to be fathers, that you're preparing their wife for them

even now. Thank you Father. You're setting them up to have families that

are blessed and honorable and mighty in you, and we thank you for this

house and the father of this house, Pastors Dwayne, and the mother this

house, Pastor Joel, and we just celebrate being in this wonderful place with

each other in Jesus' name. Amen, you may be seated. You get

me talking about how cool the church is, I always cry. I'll be

out in public talking to someone about how cool is church is. I'll start

crying. So I guess it's just the presence of God and such wonderful people

to serve with. And this is my son, Drew, my birth and

he has this beautiful annoying for being able to just serenade the Lord. It

just plays these love songs to the Lord. And it's awesome, son,

So thank you for And I just you know, we've done some things lately.

I mean, we do stuff all the time, but I don't so

much he remember what we did. I just so much enjoy being with him,

how much as our heavenly Father enjoy being with us. Think about it.

Devn Borgan, are you in the house there? You are back working,

volunteering as usual. I just wanted to highlight this young man. The

word says to know those that labor among you. He labors among you all

the time. And I want to just say, Devin, that you're just

a mighty man of God. You're a great father, You're an example of

a great father. You're a strong man, you're an overcomer, You've it's

just awesome to watch how you treat your wife and children, and that you're

such an example of a mighty warrior for Christ, a great leader of your

family. And we just honor you today for that. Amen. Amen.

So we're going to talk about fathering. Begins with prayer and we'll go through

what fathering is, the leadership aspect of it, what that is. We'll

talk about how to pray, what to pray, about when to pray,

and we'll finish with a call to pray. But first, what is fathering?

What is a father? So creating a child, impregnating a woman and

creating a child, that makes you a father by title, But that's it.

A father is made through love and made through caring, and made through

serving, and made through protecting and providing and guarding and providing a sense of

belonging and that you're with me, so you're important. That's what a father

is. That's what fathering is, But how do we do that? All

starts with prayer, and so that message will be laced through what we talk

about today. You know, we talked about it, the title of a

father. The Texas Department of Corrections has a statistic that eighty five percent of

the men incarcerated, like Pastor Dwayne said, early, did not have a

father in the home. And I've met those people on the street. My

son and I were in La a few days a few weeks ago, down

on skid Row, just helping the guys that are wandering the streets down there.

And when you talk to them and you say, how is your relationship

with your dad? And they're like what dad? And so I stand there

and I hold them. I repent that they didn't have their dad because they

need one. And we all had varying levels of circumstances of emotionally distant fathers,

even if there was one in the home. But that's okay, because

my heavenly father has more than enough love and emotion to make up what my

earthly dad didn't get. So I can turn around and love him and love

others with that that fatherly kind of love. Okay, I'll get it.

Together here. So fathering accepts the call the leadership because that's what fathering is.

It's leading. And what does leading mean. It means that you provide

direction, You set a course, and you take your people there and they

follow you and they feel like they're part of something important. And that's basically

what leadership is. It's a good leadership is fathering. It's serving, helping,

lifting up your people and making them great, providing them significance. What

leadership and fathering is not is trying to please. Sometimes, if we weren't

raised with fathers, we can get into mode with our spouses and kids that

we just want to please them all the time, and then we're wandering around

trying to find what pleases them when we haven't stopped and said, father,

what pleases you and what pleases you about my family that I can run down

line to them. But if I'm wandering around always trying to please, I'll

be aimless and without vision and probably broke after a while. So so how

do I how do I lead? Well? First of all, know this

it's not an option. You were enlisted into the army of leadership the minute

you proposed to your wife. You became the head of the family. Once

you asked if she would marry you, you stepped into leadership role. It's

not an option, it's an assignment. It's it's it's a mandate. Ephesians

four to one. Paul said, live a life worthy of your calling.

And sure that could be fivefold ministry. But every man who chooses to be

in a family be married as a calling. You have a mission, You

have a calling for that family. So how do I do this calling?

How how do I do all this stuff? It sounds great, Jeff,

But how do I do this stuff you're talking about? Well, there's a

model in Ephesians chapter five, and everything you need to know about running,

leading, and guiding a family is in that chapter. It starts out in

verse one, goes about twenty verses talking about how to clean up your life,

and probably from age twenty one to twenty eight. I was there in

the first twenty chapters. But then God introduced this beautiful woman to me,

Karen. But I was ready at that point, because when you get to

verse twenty one, it says submit one to another in the love of God,

And I was ready to get started on that journey. So here's how

it works. Let's do some board work here. And so here's you men,

how's that? And here's your wife? And yeah, and let's see

if I can do a good job here there there she is. I know

that's a hat or a hairdoo or what? Can you see this? Okay

as our marker? Dark enough? Okay, let's make the hair a little

longer there so anyway, all right? Verse twenty two of Ephesians five,

it says, wives, subject to your selves to your husband as unto the

lord, or submit yourself under your husband as unto the lord. So in

this marriage connection, the wife gets the first instruction. And why is that?

And I thought the husband was supposed to lead. Well, here's the

deal. This is verse twenty two. Wives, submit yourself to your husband.

When the wife does this, the husband senses that he's being starts with

an r. Respected. Men want respect. And if our wife submits to

us, we feel respect. And when we feel respect, we can let

her up into our heart. And when she's in our heart, she can

influence my mind. And now we're equals. All that from submitting yourself unto

your husband, he has a message for ladies too, as under the lord.

This is the way we're supposed to submit unto Christ. So all that

happens in that first verse, but then comes two instructions for men, for

the one for the wife. The one over here is verse twenty five.

Men lay down your life. Lay it down, guys, and the Holy

Spirit is there to help you know what that means day by day by day.

Sometimes it means you don't argue back and try and pound her into the

dust to win the argument. You just listen and try and understand. Sometimes

you don't. You cover a fault or a shortcoming. But we love,

we serve. This is a posture of foot washing right here. Humility,

husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and laid his life down

for her. He gave up his life for us. So that's what you

get in return, ladies. But there's more. But wait, there's more.

There's an over the top assignment. In verse twenty seven. We are

to present her, our wives to the Lord Radiant, without stain, wrinkle,

or any blemish, Holy and blameness. That's our role as the intercessor.

Lord. My wife is in you, She's hidden in you. She

does not deserve this sickness and disease and challenge he's going through. We rebuked

that. I declare her perfection in you. I declare her wholeness in you.

I declare her security in you. Lord. My wife's feeling threatened and

unsure about stuff. Lord, I just pray that you're putting certainty in her

heart because that's who she is in Christ. That's our job to go before

the Lord and present our wife to the Lord that way. Yep, even

in the middle of an argument when we want to be right. Ever wanted

to be right, Karen. She likes to be right too. But in

the middle of an argument where I'm trying to maybe prove my rightness, the

Lord's going on, don't you just pray right now? So we'll stop mid

argument. And I don't want to do it, she doesn't want to do

it. Okay, let's pray, all right, Lord, we bind a

spirit of strife. We thank you Lord that your Lord and Savior over us,

and we're one and we're in unity, and we rebuke the enemy.

I'll tell you more than a hundred times. We're laughing in five minutes because

it changes the atmosphere. When you pray, you cannot just battle this stuff

out and flesh will want to take over our flesh. This thing is not

submitted to God. That's why we have to fast sometimes and pray is to

tell flesh you will not be in charge here. Flesh, be quiet.

You don't have to win this argument. You just need to lead. So

spirit man lead, and flesh you be quiet. We need to tell our

flesh to shut up. This is you know, you see the coexist bumper

stickers around here. There's no coexisting between the flesh and the spirit. There

is no coexisting either the spirit dominates or the flesh dominates. And if you're

going to let your flesh dominate in marriage, you're going to have war all

the time with your spouse. That wonderful lady made the image and likeness of

Christ. You two will be at war unless you get control of this flesh

and run your marriage on the spirit. So this is verse twenty seven up

here. So it's two to one man. You have twice the assignment that

the wife does. She gets the security, the protection, the love and

all that. You get the respect and reverence that you want. But that

is the model for a marriage. And it's all about you being the high

priest in your home and going before the Lord on her behalf. That's how

it works. Okay, Okay, we'll get back to the board in a

minute. So how am I going to pray? How do I do this?

What does it mean to pray? Because your family needs to see your

spiritual leadership. They need to see you up early in the morning and pacing

the floor and praying and stopping in the middle of an argument to pray whatever.

They need to see it. They need to see it. It can't

just be something silent. So let's talk about what prayer is now. We

won't go into the details of Matthew five point forty four. But the word

for prayer prayer there is in the Strongsucordance. It's Greeks number forty three thirty

six. And it's a weird by itself. It's a weird definition. The

word prayer there means wish. I thought, that's that's a really at least

initially, that's a really weak definition for the word prayer, like a wish

I mean, oh I wish this would happen. But it's it's way more

than that. As you go on to study the other parts of the word,

and I won't go into a lot of detail, but it means.

It means to a wish mixed with faith. And you heard Pastor talking about

that at the beginning of the service, like mix your faith with your giving

so that you don't lose hope. Well, to keep life from being more

than a wish and a hope, we have to mix faith with it.

Lord, I believe my wife is healed of that infirmity. It's already done.

You've taken care of it. And I'm up in my place in you,

seated in heavenly places, declaring that truth. Just like the son sits

before you, Father, I sit before you and declare my wife's healing.

See that's a wish mixed with faith. That's how they mix together. That

makes sense. Okay, good, So how first, as before we go

into more of what this is, I want to just give a couple quick

testimonies to show that God does answer prayer, and I'll go back to the

definition for just second. There's this switching of our wishes for God's wishes.

The definition of the meaning of prayer. There's a substituting of our wishes where

the Lord comes in and molds our desire to his. And I was getting

into my late twenties, I was still single. I wanted to be married.

So I took a day out to fast and pray and say, Lord,

things aren't happening. I've got to break through. I tell you,

Fasting is a key to add to prayer. Prayer sometimes is like a twelve

gage shotgun. You can go fifty to one hundred yards down range to hit

something, but beyond that you won't hit it. But when you mix fasting

with your prayer, it's like high octane. It's like shooting with a sniper

rifle that can go ten thousand yards and you can hit the bullseye. There's

a movie called The Patriot, and I love that movie. We watch it

every fourth of July with mel Gibson and his son gets taken prisoner who is

fighting for the revolutionary cause by the British, and so mel Gibson and his

young sons hunt these guys down. So he tells his little boys, who

he's trained, how to shoot. He gets down, he goes, remember

aim small, miss small, Aim small, miss small. In other words,

go exactly to the target, focus on the button on his coat instead

of him when you aim your gun. And that's what it's like when we

fast, we aim small, miss small, and we can shoot down range

a long way. So anyway, I just slipped that in for free,

right there. Don't make it some big legalistic deal if I mean, if

fasting means that you're going to skip dessert or you're going to skip one meal.

When I do a one meal fast, I skip dinner because I can

make it through the day that way, I say, okay, I can

get to bed and fall asleep and wake up in the morning and all gone

over twelve hours. And especially, and what really makes it powerful is when

you load the bullet in that gun of fasting. Is when you add a

little bit of prayer and studying of the word to it, you do serious

damage to the enemy's kingdom. He fast and pray. So I fasted and

pray today, and talk to God about my wife, like God, who

is she? What is she? How can I receive her? And my

desires? I had some new desires that day. It's like he was mixing

his desires with mine. I thought, you know, I want a wife

that's tall. I want her tall, and I want a wife that has

a big laugh, you know, and my wife can laugh. I mean

in an office environment, it echoes down the hallways and in the house.

It's just the house circulates when she's home. When she's gone, it's like,

oh, I don't Karen, and my wife's gone. When she's home,

it's siding and fired up. So anyway, God gave me the desire

of my heart and I prayed for her. Also, God let me to

pray for Karen before I met her. God put me in that leadership role.

I had received my wife, so before the Lord, I'm the leader

of my family. This hadn't met it. Do I have to meet her

yet? The leader? No, But the Lord says, she's in the

midst of making some big decisions. Pray and sure enough, after we met.

During that time I was praying for her, she was considering taking a

coaching job in the Midwest, which would have led us apart, and I

never would have met her. We never would have had Drew and the other

two kids. This stuff's important. So and then kids come along, and

we have our older two, Drew an Abbey, and I'm in the laundry,

the laundering room, doing laundry, and this is the conversational part of

prayer, and I'm talking all of you. I'm so excited to have another

girl. And her name is going to be so and so, and this

would be great. And I have two girls and the boy and the Lord

just like arrests me. It's like he stuck a rod up my backbone.

And I hear this inside of me. He says, you do not have

a girl. I mean you do not have a Yeah, you do not

have a girl. You have a son. And he's a leader of leaders,

and stay out of his way. And you know, from what he's

been through in life, there's some things where we had desires for him that

were really caring and my personal desire and not our son's desire, and we

just had to back off. And now this morning I get a text from

his his fiance. It was the best Father's Day greeting I've ever had,

you know, and his life is progressing and doing fine. But it wasn't

a daughter. It was the son. Alcah's prayer. We're having a conversation

with God, and so I focus on my kids. During Daniel Fast,

I'll take a day during each week with the Daniel Fast, I'll pray for

one and then the other, and then the next week the other one,

and so forth. That's nothing you can do. So there's just and God's

a provider. We were at at Karen's farm, her parents farm, and

it was a drought year and the crop wasn't coming in. So we walked

down the lane and prayed for rain. And in the middle of a high

pressure system. The following week, there's a little squall that came in,

not a big front or anything. It dropped an inch of rain and saved

the crop. So God, God answers prayer. And then I'm running out

of But there's miraculous things about finding stuff, like Pastor Dwayne's found stuff and

gotten stuff return. But you know, sometimes things don't work out the way

you want them to. You have questions, you have dilemmas. Prayer doesn't

seem to get answered. And so if we go to Satan Corinthians four Versus

seven, eight, and nine, Paul said, this, go to verse

eight. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed

but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.

You know, we went through a trial twenty four twenty five years ago

that was rough. It was like being dropped into a cat five hurricane on

his deserted island with no shelter. Our finances, our friends, our business,

and our health all at the same time were just blown away. And

it was hard. But can you put that scripture back up verse eight and

nine. We were hard pressed on every side, but you know we were

not crushed. We were perplexed, but not in despair. We were persecuted,

we had some friends walk away, but the Lord never abandoned us.

We were struck down and not destroyed, and when the waters receded, we

were standing on solid ground. Fact Proverbs eighteen ten says that our God is

a stronghold, a very present help in trime of trouble. He is a

fortified tower righteous run to it and we're safe. And that's what we did.

So there's the tower in the middle of that hurricane, you know,

the light beaming out of it, and we came out of that trial over

into the safe place. That's where we ended up in that. But the

way we got through it is you know, someone had given me one of

those worship flags on a long pole and it was bright red, was the

color of Trell's shirt over here, you know, like the blood of Christ.

And I don't have the flag on it here, but this is the

pole. So they had this big pole, and I wasn't a flag waiver

at church. I thought, that's kind of weird the wave flags at church.

I don't think that now. But but I got my flag out and

I started. We had this long basement that I walk in during this trial,

and I get my flag out and I'd start waving it. I said,

I got the vic in the name of Jesus. I'd start waving that

flag and then I'd flip it around when I use it as a spear,

and I'd be wrong and say, Satan, you will not have my family.

No way, no way, you can't have us. I have the

sword of the Spirit, the word of God that sharpened any tuigids sword,

and I'm taking you out. And I would just pace and fight. I

would just fight and fight and fight. And the circumstances were totally contrary.

But my God was faithful, and you know, the apostle Paul said,

fight with me. Paul asked for help five times in scriptures. Jesus asked

for help in the garden. So you're in good company asking for help.

So I fought and fought and fought, and I swung my flag and wielded

my sword in the army, you know, in God's army. It's like

Israel. Everyone goes into the military. Once you're saved, you're in the

military. With God. You better decide what weapon you're going to fight with.

But He's given us all his sword to fight with his word, and

so I ended up. We ended up in the strong tower, and then

we ended up here. So anyway, what do I pray about? Just

a few minutes left. So here's what you do. Ask for courage,

first man, ask for courage. Do the hard things, but ask God

to help you do the hard things. I've got some stuff I don't want

to do next week, but I'm going to do them because I've asked for

prayer. I've asked for prayer with other men here about it, and so

I'm on the hook to go deal with it. I'm going to do it.

Ask for wisdom, patience, grace, kindness, finances. Ask your

wife what you need to pray for and about. Ask her what's troubling her?

Where does she need you to be the high priest of your home and

cover her? Where does she need covering? Where does she need help,

Where does she need support? Have a Sunday night meeting or a night of

the week where you rally as a family. You put your kids in the

same room with you and you just go around the room and say, Okay,

Drew, what do you need, Abby, what do you need?

Troy? What do you need? What are you looking forward to this week?

What's the challenge in front of you? That's all it takes to lead.

You don't have to do anything more than that except lead them and find

out how to serve them and how to help them. And we'd bring those

requests before the Lord. And you know, I don't remember what all the

requests were, but I sure remember the feeling of closeness and togetherness and security

we got from hanging out with each other. You know, there was too

much, There was too many, too much to do, too much homework,

too much of everything that wants to crowd it out. But we just

made it a priority and we jumped in and went for it. So pray

before you sign the contract, before you buy the car, before you choose

the school, Pray at home, at the store, on the plane,

all private and public places, pray. Pray, Pray for each other.

First pray for strangers. If you walk around, you'll see people say,

God, what's your heart for them? What is your What is your heart

for this person sitting next to person on the plane? Lord, what's up

with this person? What's your heart for them? Now you've got the Holy

Spirit working with you, with your evangelism and our each it makes it easy.

Super I could. I could stand here for an hour and tell you

stories about that. How about when you don't feel close to God? God,

you are my refuge and strength, a very present help in time of

trouble. That's some forty six one. God, you are my refuge and

strength, a very present help in time of trouble. In other words,

He never leaves you nor forsake you. And first of all, when we

say stuff like it, don't feel close to God, that's not a feeling,

that's a thought, and that thought could be introduced by the enemy.

But the word settles it. God has not left us nor forsakenness. He's

right there. So what do I do in a practical sense to feel closer

to God? In prayer? Get a routine, have a place, you

know, we fixed up. We put a new floor in a room in

our house, where I had my chair where I'd go and we had to

move the chair out to get the flooring done. We haven't moved it back.

So I tell my wife, I feel like a man without a country.

I don't have my chair to go sit in because she was sitting in

it in the living room. But get a quiet place, walk and pray.

I like to walk and pray. You can just okay, okay,

Lord, God could head of it. You know, you're just praying in

tongues. You're just walking and praying. That's what Jesus did. He walked

up mountains in the morning and prayed and met with a father and walked down

and prayed. Personalized scriptures. Make scriptures your own and confess them. Okay,

join corporate prayer. You know, there's a lot of men that show

up on Tuesday and Thursday morning sometime between five point thirty and seven am,

And sometimes I just make it the last half hour, but I try and

come because there's so much strength being with men, and I love it.

It's like we're Pastor Dwayne's dogs. You know. We're like we're like bulldogs

with a bone. We don't let go. We just we pray hard and

we pray. And that's why his name is wolf where the dogs in the

wolf pack. You know football players, when they're talking about their teammates,

a sign of respect is to call them a dog. Oh yeah, he's

a dog man. He just works so hard. He's a dog. But

we need to be dogs for God. Sometimes when it comes to prayer,

man and fight, fight, fight. We don't let go of that bone

until we see the answer. So so pray before bed, pray in the

morning. Well, I pray and speak the Word over my family and protection.

When we start doing that on a consistent basis, we stopped having nightmares

and stuff. They ended because I don't let the devil into my room at

night. I kick him out. He's not welcome. And when you wake

up in the middle of the night, pray and we talk about fasting.

One Timothy four to eight says, I'm want men to pray, lifting up

holy hands. So there's a conscription of requests by the Lord for men to

lead in prayer. It doesn't have to be women all the time leading the

prayer meeting. It can be men. So ask for prayer. Remember Paul

requested prayer, fervent prayer in Romans fifteen thirty. He said, fight with

me, Struggle with me. Now Paul had the victory, but we have

to fight to enforce the victory. Paul said, fight with me. Jesus

asked for prayer in the garden. You know, the man's side of Jesus

almost died, didn't even make it, hardly barely made it through the garden

experience. There was so much stress on him. It is not a sign

of weakness to ask for prayer. Maybe some cultures that some of us have

come out of us said that's weak to admit that you need prayer for something.

Well, it's not weak. That is not true. That is not

Bible. If you want to shoot down range a long way and get victory,

pray with other men. That's the answer. I don't think Jesus and

Paul were weak or that they lack faith. Sometimes we need to just repent

of pride. Pride. Sometimes they'll try and keep me from coming to the

front for prayer. Oh yeah, these people around you are going to think

you're weak. No, that's the liar, that's the devil, you know.

So, So to build a family, a home, a business,

a ministry, a nation, you must lead on Timothy two to one to

four. It asks us to pray for everybody and then pray for leaders and

kings all in authority. Why that you may lead a quiet and peaceable family

life. That's what it says. It's all tied together. It's all tied

together. When the pilgrims hit the shores of America, it wasn't separate like

that. It was everything, the family, the government, it was all

connected. So we want to pray first, We want to pray often,

we want to pray hard, We pray with others, and we pray for

our nation. The First Continental Congress in seventeen seventy four, when Britain,

the Deep State, Britain was putting the clamps on the United States. That

meeting happened because one guy, Sam Adams stood up and said, no,

We're going to start the meeting with prayer. And they brought in a guy,

a preacher, and who read Psalms thirty five, and the anointing fell

in the room, and the old, older, stodgy men were all weeping

and crying as the presence of God filled the room of the First Continental Congress.

And we have a nation today where we get to sit here in freedom

in a meeting like this, because prayer was first. So there's the model.

We pray first, we pray often, we pray hard, and we

pray with others, and we pray for a nation. So men, I

invite the men, Prayer Warriors, Destiny Team guys to come up, and

I'm going to ask you to come forward for prayer. Maybe it's prayer for

something beside yourself. Maybe it's for yourself. Maybe you want that prayer language

and you want to be released in that. It could be prayer for anything.

But take a look. Make sure pride is not holding you in your

seat. Make sure that you're not being controlled by people around you. That

as leaders, we're controlled by the Lord only by him alone. We're controlled

by the Lord alone. And if he's nudging you to get up out of

your seat and come down here and to be in agreement with another man for

what your needs are or what someone else's needs are, that you're standing in

the gap for, do it. Maybe you've never come up before. Now's

a good first time. If I sound like I'm pressuring, I'm not trying

to be that way. What I'm trying to do is introduce you to freedom.

Freedom like never before. So we thank you for this ministry time.

Lord, we thank you for what you're doing in men. Thank you Father.

We can go to a highl place and our commitment to lead our families

as the spiritual leaders of our home, to pray, to intercede, to

be the high priest of the home. Help us to cover our wives,

help us to cover them. Cover our wives, Lord, cover our children,

cover those we love. We stand in the gap for them. Thank

you Lord, Thank you Lord, Thank you Jesus. Thank you Lord,

Thank you Lord. Want you everyone stand and just this stand. This might

make it easier. And reach your hand out towards the front for these men

who are coming up to stand with their brothers. Lord, we thank you

for these men. Just reach your faith how towards them right now. Church,

Thank you Father, Thank you Father. Thank you Father. Thank you

Father for humility and freedom. Thank you Father, Thank you Father. We

don't have to feel spiritual, We just have to decide to be spiritual.

Thank you, Jesus, Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus, Thank you Jesus. Ose. I'm going to ask

you a question. You're going to Mexico, right would you come up and

pray with Tony for the Mexico trip and for all the people that are going.

Would you just be the spiritual father right now over that spiritual Papa,

over that trip and intercede. Thank you, thank you Jesus, thank you Lord,