From Fire to Fridge

Okay, well, thanks so much, Aaron. Great to see everyone. My name's Graeme. I'm the pastor here. Great to welcome you this morning. This is your first Sunday with us. Maybe you're visiting. And because that's true, you may be thinking, what on earth are we reading in the Bible this morning? Consciousness for a lot of us, we're joining halfway through this series. And just to put you at ease, we don't do this every Sunday, okay?

But it has been fantastic spending some time in the Song of Songs over the last couple of weeks. We're kind of at the halfway point. We've got two more to go. This portion of God's Word in the Bible that's wisdom literature. It's all about how we live in God's way, in God's world, for our good and for his glory.

And this is a book that celebrates the marital and sexual love that exists between a man and a woman in a covenant relationship of marriage. And it's been fantastic just to hear how God has been at work in our lives as we've traveled through this letter together, this letter together, this book together. It's a song. It's the song of songs.

So we're excited to get back into chapter five today. 17 years ago, I was an usher at a friend's wedding in Vancouver in Canada on a place called Thetis Island, which is just off the mainland.

Now, I found a picture of it online. This isn't the actual wedding I went to, but it is the exact venue. Do you want to see it? You ready for this? Promise you won't get envious.

Look at that. Isn't that amazing?

It felt like a celebrity in a kilt over there. It's incredible. To this day, the most stunning wedding backdrop I've ever seen. The weather was everything that you'd expect from North America.

Everyone was looking fabulous. There wasn't a dry eye in the house as the couple were at the front making their vows to each other.

And once everybody had composed themselves and sat down, the pastor then proceeded to give his message to the couple on their wedding day.

He said, Dave and Amanda, as you set out on your married life today, I want you to know straight off the bat that there's two things wrong with your marriage.

And he pointed at both of them and he said, you and you.

Now, let you react to that for a moment. I wonder if somebody said that on your wedding day, how you'd react.

Two things wrong with this marriage, you and you.

And what he perhaps lacked in reading the moment and going with the Disney-esque setting to this wedding,

he more than made up for in his loving pastoral insight that he wanted to share with this couple who he'd walked with in the weeks up to their big day.

Here's what he proceeded to say. He said, don't let this day in all its beauty,

that's really just a decorated doorway to the rest of your lives,

lull you into thinking that married life is going to be this constant stream of marital bliss.

It's not always slow dancing in the kitchen to Michael Bublé.

Roses don't arrive every day from Interflora.

Valentine's Day does not become the new Groundhog Day when you get married.

Because marriage is two sinners living side by side in a Genesis 3 world.

And because that's true, you will experience times of frustration, of miscommunication,

not seeing eye to eye, and your married life together will be,

at times it's going to be really, really hard.

Less like fire and more like fridge.

There's going to be times when it's red hot.

There's going to be times when it's cool.

And it's hard.

And that's precisely where the couple in this song are at today.

They're in one of those seasons.

And I really hope, just if you're thinking about tapping out at this point,

let me give you two things maybe to help you tap in for the rest of this over the next 20 minutes or so.

I hope this does two things for us today as a church family.

Because we're all at different seasons in our lives when it comes to this stuff.

And this series, as it's tracked along, has maybe spoken into different seasons of our lives.

And particularly maybe today, it's speaking to those, particularly of those of us who are married.

And here's the first thing I hope this does.

I really hope this helps some of us come up for air.

And here's what I mean by that.

So often I think we feel like we have to come in these doors on a Sunday,

maybe during the week, maybe your growth group, whatever it is you go to,

and pretend everything is great.

And that four-letter word that we always use to describe how we're doing, we're doing fine.

And I hope this is permission for many of us in this room today

to know that it's okay to not be okay.

I always love what C.S. Lewis said about friendship.

To paraphrase, he said,

Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to the other person,

What, you too?

I thought I was the only one.

And so may this passage today help us as a church family make and find friends who know what it's like.

And the ultimate friend is the Lord Jesus.

And this is the second thing I hope this helps us see today.

It helps us see that this point's beyond married life.

And it shows us, secondly, where to run for help.

Right?

And here's what I mean by that.

If what I'm saying, if this whole less fire, more fridge,

it is easy for us to do that in terms of our love for Jesus.

And what this is going to do today is help us see how wonderful,

how willing, how available, and how brilliant a Savior Jesus is.

Ready for this?

I'm going to go with that silence and go for yes.

Okay?

Brilliant.

Come with me to the passage.

Let's see how this works together.

Last week, we saw this couple on their wedding day.

Do you remember it?

JT did a wonderful job taking us through that last section.

That wedding day, a moment that ended,

if you see the text, verse 1 of chapter 5.

Do you see it?

With their friends egging on this couple to eat, drink, and be drunk with love.

And that sounds like Taylor Swift lyrics if ever I've heard them, right?

Eat, drink, be drunk with love.

And you could almost picture them, couldn't you?

Setting off into the sunset in their car, tin cans rattling in the back.

I don't know whether people still do that or not today,

but with the words just married emblazoned on the back windscreen.

And they're there in the car, and they're taking a selfie of themselves,

the couple sharing it on Instagram.

Everyone's liking it, heart emojis everywhere.

And I thought to myself, wouldn't that be a great place to end the song?

No.

Because maybe like you, like me,

I remember reading that the first time I came across it,

and I'm thinking to myself, seriously?

From the west of Scotland,

cheese factor 100.

I thought this was church, not Disney.

Surely this is way more idealism than it is realism.

Well, if you're like me, if that was maybe your thought when we did it last week,

this today is life after the honeymoon.

And picking up the song again at verse 2,

to quote that 60s classic,

they've lost that loving feeling.

Now, what does she tell us?

Come with me to the text and see it.

She says,

I slept, but my heart was awake.

Do you see it in the text?

Which I think is her way of telling us that she's had another dream.

Remember she had a dream a few chapters ago?

Here she is having another dream.

And given this is a dream,

it's quite hard to work out exactly what's going on here,

but here's my best shot.

I think her dream is revealing what's playing on her mind.

You ever had a dream like that?

Just your subconscious kind of brings stuff out in a dream,

and it's really weird,

but actually it's what's going on in your mind.

I think that's kind of what's going on here.

Her dream is revealing what's going on in her subconscious,

what she's worried about.

And in her case,

it's revealing a tension

that I think she senses in the back of her head

is snowballing and developing in their relationship together.

Come and see how this works.

She says,

In her dream,

my beloved knocked.

Do you see it?

Which is just another way of saying

he's in the mood for love.

However,

look at how she responds to his advances.

Verse 3,

he's knocking on that door.

You've got to clock that knock

for where we're going to finish.

He's knocking on that door,

and she responds,

verse 3,

I put off my garment.

How could I put it on again?

I'd bathe my feet.

How could I spoil them again?

Which is her way of saying,

for whatever reason,

I'm just not in the mood.

It's too much hassle.

And by verse 5,

do you see by the time she does feel in the mood,

and notice the three times repeated phrase,

but,

there at verse 6.

But,

but,

but,

her man

was no longer there.

And again,

remember,

likely still in this dream,

she goes in this all-out search for him,

around the city,

no one's seen him.

Where is he?

And I think the beating that she's described

as having received at verse 7,

friends,

I think it's a metaphor.

Remember,

this is a dream,

that it's expressing the fact

that this tension in the relationship

is making her feel

like the stuffing

has been completely knocked out

of her in life.

Right?

My kids love the bear factory.

Have you ever been there?

Princess Street,

you know,

it's still there.

You just get these bears

who are just lifeless.

Right?

Just all this stuffing

has been taken out.

That's what she's saying.

She feels like life

has just knocked the stuffing out of me.

So,

do you see what's going on?

Put these two things together.

He wants to spend time with her.

She's not really up for it.

But then she wants to spend time with him.

And he's not there.

Which,

bring that together,

means Houston,

we've got a problem.

And let me just pause at this moment

and make two quick applications

as we see this tension

in their marriage.

And here's number one.

And it's to those of us

who would maybe love to be married,

but aren't.

Let me,

let you hear me say,

friends,

those desires are not wrong.

But,

they are misguided

if,

deep down,

you think

that getting married

is going to be the answer

to all your problems.

I think in Christian circles

in particular,

we can subtly elevate marriage

as the thing

to which we all aspire.

I think we've got to be so careful,

haven't we,

that we never project

that idea

even subconsciously

in our church culture.

It is not the be-all

and end-all.

Particularly when you think about

where this is going to end

this morning.

It's certainly not

where we find our identity.

Speaking as one

who is happily married,

and you do the math,

so there's one

punching well above his weight.

I remember when I got married,

just discovering

a whole host

of different problems

in my life,

90% of which

was just my own sin

being revealed

in new ways.

marriage isn't going

to solve all your problems.

But here's number two,

speaking particularly

to those of us

who are married.

You know,

there will be seasons

in married life

when it's harder

to find time together,

right?

Been there, done it.

And there's all sorts

of reasons

why finding time

to be together

is going to be difficult.

Maybe it's

a really busy season

at work.

Maybe it's just

night shifts galore.

Maybe you're

traveling a lot.

Maybe it's

looking after

family members.

It's one of those seasons.

Maybe kids have come along

and your energy levels

are taking an absolute

pounding and it's just

baby brain

everywhere.

Different seasons

come and go in life.

But that said,

if in our marriages

we keep finding ourselves

using the phrase,

the one on the screen,

you know the one

that we always use,

like ships in the night,

is at least worth

asking ourselves

the question,

is this a season

or is it a pattern?

And,

I'm speaking from

my own mistakes here,

be aware that you

might not see that

as a problem.

But it is entirely

possible that your

spouse might.

And the encouragement

here is to talk

to one another.

You know,

we live in a world

that is increasingly

saying that if you're

in a marriage to someone

and you're no longer

feeling it,

it's no longer doing it

for you,

it's no longer

scratching that itch,

then it might be time

to start looking

elsewhere.

And I think that's why

that the statistics

are telling us

that more and more

people in our world

are delaying marriage

or even dismissing it

as a viable option

entirely because

why would you want

to restrict yourself

like that?

I'm so conscious

I still like to think

I can kick it at 39.

I'm still on my

football team

WhatsApp group.

There are,

I think,

almost just short

of 80 guys

on that group.

I'm so conscious

that there are

maybe three or four

of us that are married

in that group.

And I'm certainly

the only one I think

with more than one kid.

But it's what's going

on in our world

isn't it right now?

Statistics will tell you

that.

But come to Jesus

and hear him say

that if you're primarily

in a relationship

for you

and what you can get

out of it

rather than in it

to serve the other

person sacrificially

then you've got it

the wrong way around.

We follow a saviour

who calls us

to die to self

to take up our cross

to follow him.

It's not about

self-serving.

Remember we thought

about this in week one

what this book

is telling us

is marriage life

is not about

self-serving

it's about radical

self-giving

and the promise

that Jesus makes

that it is there

as we follow

our saviour

as we die to ourselves

as we live

to serve him

and live to serve his people

that that's the place

that we'll find ourselves.

And that's why

because that's the

the noise out there

that is why

remember we said this

a few weeks ago

we need to turn down

the world's song

and we need to turn up

the voice of God

as we hear it

in the song of songs.

Out with our affection for

and our walk with Jesus

is where we're going to finish.

There is no more

important thing

than we can be

giving ourselves to

if we're married

than investing

in the health

of our marriages

and so this is an invitation

to get proactive

to get creative

in stoking the fire.

Here's a question for you

if you are married

and I ask myself

that all the time

because Alex's

love language is time

when was the last time

you spent quality time together?

You know we are so grateful

for the many people

in this church family

who over the years

have babysat for Alex and I

and have allowed us

just to go out

for a meal together.

You know often those meals

are based around

cheap it is on deals

with a burger

because we're British

and we love a bargain

but do you know what

they have proved to be

priceless times

for our relationship

and if you're here

and you may be thinking

actually we'd love

a bit of that

reach out for babysitters.

I love the fact

that we're in a church family

where people are so willing

to do that

and let me just say as well

if you're here

and you're thinking

this isn't where I'm at

remember we thought

about last week

don't think that this

doesn't affect you

because a church family

we're invested in each other

and so if you're maybe thinking

I'm not married

let me just say

that you have got a stake

in the health

of the marriages

of the people

that are in this church family.

Thank you for those

who pray for us.

Because here's what

I want you to see

if you come with me

to verse 9

on that note

it's the input

of her friends

that change the game.

So don't think

you've not got a role

to play here

if you're from the outside

looking into people

that are married

in this church

you've got such a role

to play

you have a stake

and verse 9

tells you that you do.

Remember this song

remember the friends

who are in the background

of this song

here's what they say

how is your beloved

better than others?

How most beautiful

of women

question mark

how is your beloved

better than others

than you so charge us?

Do you see how

that's not a closed question?

Do you see how

it's an open question?

One that invites

a response.

Can I paraphrase it?

Tell us again

why you love him.

Yeah?

Tell us what

made you fall in love

with him in the first place.

And see if last week

was all about him

pouring out compliments

on her

well from verse 10

she is now

pouring out

the compliments

on him.

Now

see them

from verse 10

and remember

this is a different

generation

from ours

remember the

images

are very much

different

but go with it

okay

she says

his heads

so do you see what

she says

this guy's like a

just for men

hair dye model

it is jet black

his eyes

his cheeks

his lips

so he's a just for men

hair model

he's a Nivea

lip balm model

as well

do you see

they are like the lilies

they are red and kissable

that's what she's saying

his arms

his body

so he's clearly

no stranger

to the gym

and just in case

we're in any doubt

verse 15

he's not skipped

leg day either

do you see it

but do you see

what she's doing

do you see what

she's conveying

to all those

who will listen

she's using

poetic language

and this is so

important for where

we're going to finish

poetic language

to describe

the strength

the stability

the majesty

and the beauty

of the man

who's captured

my heart

but see what

she also says

and I love this

what else

is he

to her

verse 16

do you see it

my beloved

and

my friend

and so here's the thing

as much as David Hasselhoff

as this guy

might like to be

all that stuff's

going to fade

it's true in life

isn't it

all our looks

are going to fade

they're going to go

turn 40 on Tuesday

I'm so aware of it

getting old

but do you know what

friendship

won't

and so her friends

ask her again

at chapter 6

where is he

and I think we're

meant to understand

at this point

from

chapter 6

she awakens

from her dream

remember she's been

in a dream

she can't find him

she's panicking

she awakens from her dream

and her man's been there

the whole time

and then we get that

repeated refrain

verse 3

I am his

and my beloved

is mine

and we're meant to

understand that there's

a glorious

reunion here

they are back together

and they're looking

each other in the eye

and so as we

see their union

together just at the

end here

this passage

invites all of us

married or not

however you would

describe yourself

today

to something

way

bigger

and so let me

take you to the

only place in the

New Testament

I think you can

make a case

that the Song of Songs

is alluded to

and we find it

in

Revelation

Revelation 3 · chapter mention

chapter 3

and what's going on

there

Revelation chapter 3

Revelation 3 · chapter mention

Jesus speaking

to the church

these seven churches

he's speaking

to the church

in Laodicea

and in this church

in Laodicea

it is full of people

who were once on

fire for Jesus

right

all they wanted to

talk about

was Jesus

but now

with the passing

of time

they've just kind of

settled

for this

cold

orthodoxy

orthodoxy

Jesus is

oh they still

like him

but he's kind of

just this

weekend hobby

that is kind of

the veneer

on this

religious

looking life

that's like

one of those

chocolate Easter eggs

that just looks

great on the outside

but it's hollow

on the inside

their spiritual

life's airplane

mode is well

and truly on

not all that

fussed with

Jesus

remember back

to where we

started

once fire

now fridge

yeah

and to rouse

them

from their

spiritual

sleepiness

Jesus says

do you know

how you taste

to me

lukewarm

can you taste

it

lukewarm

you know

I love

two types

of coffee

I love

frappuccinos

cold

really cold

incredible

the other

type of coffee

boiling hot

latte

really really hot

but you know

what's the worst

taste ever

so you've got

a really hot

coffee

and you've just

forgotten about it

for half an hour

and then you

quickly take a sip

and bleh

disgusting

it's the same

with the

frappuccino

when you've left

it for half an hour

and it's kind of

warmed up a little

bit

bleh

that's what

Jesus is saying

can you taste it

you're neither

hot nor cold

and maybe you're

asking yourself

how do I know

if I'm lukewarm

and I've asked

myself that often

over the years

you know my

greatest fear in

life

is that I get

really good at

this job

I get really

comfy in church

and I just get

bored with Jesus

how do I know

friends

have you lost

the joy

of knowing

him

has bible

reading become

routine

has prayer

become

token

has coming

to church

just become

a thing

that

kills

and fills

a bit of

time

on a Sunday

morning

have you

lost

maybe

the

joy

of serving

him

have you

noticed

inside

of you

I often

catch myself

doing this

there's a

critical spirit

that's developing

inside of you

you're so aware

in church

of the things

that aren't

going well

the things

that are

lacking

rather than

looking for

the signs

of the spirit

at work

if you

recognize

any of

those signs

and you

want to

change

then here's

a great

place to

start

and

taking

a cue

from the

friends

in this

song

what made

you fall

in love

with Jesus

in the

first

place

you know

was it

his

his

boundless

compassion

for

utterly

helpless

people

was it

his

unrivaled

wisdom

to any

question

that people

put to

him

was it

the way

that people

said of

him

that he

does all

things

well

was it

the way

that he

saw

and remember

this for

me was

one

that he

perfectly

diagnosed

the human

heart

the world

that he

was describing

was the

one that I

was looking

in and

seeing

was it

his

unhurried

love and

pursuit

of

flustered

people

was it

the barriers

he was

willing to

cross to

reach

societies

outcasts

and nobodies

was it

his

sacrificial

death

on the

cross

as he

took our

sin and

shame on

himself

as he

said

father

not my

will

but your

will be

done

friends

what first

drew you

to Jesus

what made

you fall

in love

with him

I've loved

it the last

couple of

weeks hearing

testimonies

of people

I love a

testimony

it is like

hearing from

someone who

has just

gone on

their first

date with

the person

they're going

to marry

in the

future

isn't it

right I

remember at

uni having

that experience

my flatmate

Ben came

home we're

up to like

three in the

morning telling

me about

this girl

Nikki that

he'd met

and in the

weeks to

follow I

could hear

him on the

phone tower

in the

bedroom doing

the whole

you hang

up no

you hang

up I

will come

in there

and hang

on that

phone if

you don't

hang up

but what

first drew

you to

Jesus in

the first

place do

you need

this morning

some of

us to

regain

that wonder

at who

he is

just like

in the

man the

man in

the song

here's the

wonderful

bit

Jesus is

knocking

here I

am I

stand

this is

what he's

saying to

the church

in Laodicea

here I

am I

stand at

the door

and knock

if anyone

hears my

voice and

opens the

door I

will come

in and

eat with

that person

and they

with me

he moves

from warning

why does

he give

them the

warning

because he

then moves

to wooing

and this

is the

Jesus that

we have

today and

you know

what the

wonderful

thing is

if you

just take

it straight

from the

text

like the

man in

this song

when the

woman wakes

and finds

him right

there with

her

do you know

what we all

need to know

today

when we turn

back to him

when we fix

our eyes on

who he is

however

spiritual

sleepy we

might be

and whatever

season of

life we

might be

in we

need to

know

that Jesus

is going

nowhere

have you

lost

sight

of how

wonderful

how

brilliant

how

committed

and how

available

a saviour

we have

in Jesus

turn to

him this

morning

turn to

him

you know

I found

so helpful

over the

last month

or so

just looking

for a

quick

thing

to do

you know

John's

gospel

21

chapters

days of

the week

7

7 divided

by

21

divided

by

7

3

just

found it

so helpful

every night

during the

week to

read 3

chapters of

John's

gospel

get it

done in

a week

go back

to the

beginning

read 3

chapters of

John's

gospel

get to

the end

go back

to the

beginning

and see

the things

that you

notice

in a book

that you

thought you

knew

I love

the

intentionality

of this

woman

when she

realizes

he's

knocking

she's

going

she's

looking

I wonder

if the

Lord by

his spirit

would stir

in us

that same

intention

to pursue

Jesus

today

you know

just as we

close

let me just

leave us

with this

thought

because I

think this

is the

the spirit

inspired

response that

we need to

make to

this text

today

you know

before Alex

and I

moved back

to Edinburgh

in 2012

we used

to live

in Bristol

and there

was a street

in Bristol

called

Muller Road

and I

had a friend

called Amy

who used

to live

in a big

house in

Muller Road

and her

and her

flatmates

nicknamed

it Fruit

Corner

which if you

know your

yogurts I

thought was

quite funny

but Muller

Road was

named after

this man

called

George Muller

George Muller

famous Christian

evangelist

best known

for building

five houses

for orphaned

children

in which

10,000 children

were cared

for before

his death

right

he's celebrated

in the city

George Muller

so many things

going on in his

life

if you're looking

for a biography

to read

of somebody

maybe over the

summer

fantastic one

to get your

your hands on

George Muller

somebody once

asked him

with so many

things pressing

against his

to-do list

how he did

it

and he

said this

he said

the first

great and

primary business

to which I

ought to

attend every

day

is to have

my soul

happy in

the Lord

I love

that

have my

soul happy

in the Lord

you know I've

tried to be

I want to be

better at this

first thing

getting up in

the morning

putting away

the phone

and picking

up the word

here is the

saviour who's

knocking

friends have

you forgotten

how wonderful

he is today

let me pray

Jesus

what a

beautiful name

son of God

son of man

lamb that

was slain

joy and

peace

strength and

hope

grace that

blows all

fear away

Jesus

what a

beautiful name

and so

father I

pray this

morning

whatever

this has

landed

on our

hearts

and in

our

lives

that you

would

help us

Lord to

lift our

eyes to

Jesus

father thank

you that

there is

more grace

in him

than there

is sin

in us

and so

father I

pray for

those of

us here

today who

are married

father who

are maybe in

relationships

where it's

tough

lord I

pray that

you would

help

lord in

those

situations

thank you

that you

are available

thank you

that we were

singing at

the start

that you

are a

refuge

lord you

are a

very present

help in

times of

trouble

but father

we pray

that you

would lift

our eyes

to Jesus

his greatness

today

father thank

you for

your word

thank you

that we

have it in

our language

thank you

that we

can read

it pick

up understand

and learn

but father

thank you

most of

all that

through it

we can

know

Jesus

for

ourselves

so father

thank you

be with us

just as we

close our

time together

we pray

in Jesus

name

amen