Respect Is Correct {Part 2}

To evaluate that and, and I think that's where a husband and

wife can talk together and, and, you know, discuss those things

together and, and determine what the best course of action is.

But most parents are not too hard.

Most parents are too soft on their children, you know, when

it comes to this idea of, of, of expecting that respect and

teaching them the things that they, that they should know when

it comes to this idea of respect and everything else.

We talked a lot about discipline last week and along that line, I

think it's important to understand that you shouldn't

baby your children. Children need a mother that they

can run to when they skin a knee and, you know, they're bleeding

and or they got a broken arm and dad's like, let me feel it.

All right, you're fine. Go play.

And it's dangling by a thread. You know, I've, you know, I've

been in that situation before. It's, you know, kids need a

mother to, to, to give them a shoulder to cry on, I suppose

nothing wrong with, you know, with the dad that is tender

toward his daughter especially, but even maybe toward his sons

when they're young. But the, you know, life is not

easy. And when you baby your children

and you just, everything is a featherbed for them.

And you just, you know, you lift them up on a pillow and carry

them from one place to the next. When they're 14 years old,

they're going to get hit in the face with reality when they

finally make it out on their own.

And they realize that mom is not there to make their bed for them

anymore. And mom is not there to make

sure that they have a little snacky ready for them before

they go to bed. And the nice little glass of

warm milk to, to make sure their stomach is OK and all of these

other things. And, and again, there's a

balance, right? It's it's mothers are, are more

naturally tender toward those things.

Dads are not. Go get your own milk.

You know, if you get your own little snacky, if that's what

you want, right? And you can go work for it.

In fact, go down to the store and get me one too.

But you know, don't, don't baby your children.

And I think I think an important thing is this dad's number one,

your responsibility is to oversee the discipline in your

home, right? You set the rules.

You set what what what things are are there to be disciplined

for, right? And it's up to the mother then

to make sure that she is upholding what the father set in

place when it comes to discipline.

Just because you don't think that he should get spanked for

that or just just because you don't think that, you know, you

thought it was too hard saying that he couldn't go to that

thing because he didn't do what you told him to do.

And Dad's not here. Well, I'm going to let him go

because I think that was too hard.

Anyway, that's, that's not your decision to make.

You can talk about it amongst yourself later on and say, I

think it was too hard. I think you should have let him

go and I think next time you should.

But once that law is laid down, that is, that is complete

disrespect to your husband. We're going to talk about some

of this a little bit more tonight.

It's complete disrespect for you to go against exactly against

what your husband laid down as the law and maybe he was being

too hard. He's going to be the one that

answers to God for that. You're going to answer to God

for whether you submit it or not.

But don't baby your children, you know, you know, Mamas

especially don't get in the way of discipline.

Let the dad do the work. You're too.

You're soft. You're soft and you should be

your mother, right? Mothers are naturally going to

be soft. Your kids don't need soft all

the time. They need hard sometimes.

And dad has a much easier time of coming down hard and then

because they're less soft than the mother is, especially when

it comes to boys. All right.

With my boys especially. And my wife understood this very

early on. I think maybe maybe she just

doesn't say anything about it. But, you know, I understand what

young men need. I was a young man, right?

I understand what young boys need.

I was a young boy. My wife was never a young boy.

She didn't have to go out and wrestle.

She didn't go out and, you know, get beat up on the soccer field.

She didn't do all of those things that I did growing up

that that made me part at least of what I am today, right?

I know what my boys need and I and I know they don't need

somebody to sit around and cuddle them and, and hug them

every time something happens that that that's a little bit

too hard for them, right? They need dad to be hard on them

sometimes. Let him let him be hard on them.

They need it, especially the boys.

But he's the ultimately the one that's responsible.

Now, if, if dad can take it too far too, right?

And it's not your, it's not your position to stop him in the

middle of it and say what you're doing is wrong.

Talk about it. Do it behind closed doors.

And I'll explain why in a little bit.

But it's very, very important, you know, that, that you don't

make excuses for your children. Well, they're this or well,

they're that. And I know that sometimes there

is excuses. Right now he's tired or, well,

he just, you know, he didn't think that.

Kids are a lot smarter than you think they are #1 and many times

they're playing you and you don't even realize you're

getting played and they're winning.

And then you make excuses for them and allow them to keep

winning when what they need is discipline.

What they need is for somebody to call them out on that and

say, no, you're not doing that. I don't care if you think you're

right. I don't care if you think this

or you think that. I don't care if there is an

excuse. Don't make excuses for your

kids. The kids are not the ones that

are in control. The parents are in control.

Your kids don't tell you what they're going to do and then you

agree to it or not. You tell your kids what they're

going to do, especially if they're if they're living in

your home, right? 19202540 They're still living in

your home, right? Hopefully by that point they're

not anymore. But it's your home and it's your

rules, right? They want to bring some woman

into the house. No, you're not bringing some

woman into the house, right? You want to bring alcohol or

something in that? No, you're not bringing that

stuff in there. Now, hopefully you've raised

them right to the point where they don't want to bring those

things in. But it's still your house and

it's still your rules. And when they're home, they

follow your rules, right? If they're living at home, I

should say, and I'll you got a 45 year old kids that comes back

to visit for Thanksgiving and you tell him to take out the

trash and he doesn't. You take him to the bed bedroom

and give him Swatch. That's a little different,

right? But I'm, I'm talking about if

they're still living at home, right?

That, so that goes down all the way to 123 year olds all the way

up to 2223 year olds. If they're living at home,

they're under your rules and you are still in, in, in charge.

And what happens in your home when they're living there is

still your responsibility. So you must be in control.

You tell them what to do, not the other way around.

And discipline will come naturally.

It'll be easy for you to to discipline them the way that

they need to be disciplined, but it'll also that they'll respond

to that discipline in the right way.

So we said, first of all, expect respect.

The number 2, I want to get into this tonight.

Reward, respect, reward, respect.

One of the greatest and one of the simplest ways to reward your

children for being respectful is to let them know that you

noticed them. Third, John 4, the Bible says I

have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk.

In truth, I was just talking to my wife the other day about this

and I said, you know, one of the, one of the toughest things

has got to be to have children that know better, that grow up

and don't live for the Lord. I can't, you know, I can't

imagine my kids are not old enough yet.

I can't imagine what it's like to have a child that does not

want to live for the Lord and doesn't follow the Lord.

But I can imagine that one of the greatest joys, one of the

greatest blessings is to have children that do follow the Lord

and and John here is talking about, you know, his children in

the faith, I believe. But third, John four, I think

it, I think it's still it, it fits perfectly with the family.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in

truth. So first of all, I want to say

this, praise your children for respect.

Praise is a powerful motivator. Mark Twain said I can live for

two months on a good compliment and he's right.

You know, if somebody gives you a compliment and it, it goes a

long way, You know how it makes you feel when somebody

compliments you for doing something that you did that was

right or something like that. But when children are praised

for doing what's honorable, then they're encouraged to continue

doing those things that are honorable.

Turn over to Proverbs chapter 12.

Proverbs 12 · chapter mention

Got a good number of verses for you tonight.

Try to turn with me to as many of these as you can.

We'll see how far we get. I may, I may.

I've got a kind of a section at the end that I'm going to give

you, but we'll see. We'll see what time it gets to

be and how far we get into this. I may save that for next time.

I'd rather, I'd rather go through this a little bit slowly

and help you get it and make sure you understand it.

Then try to speed through just to get done.

But Proverbs chapter 12 and verse #25 heaviness in the heart

Proverbs 12 · chapter mention

of man make it a stoop, but a good word maketh it glad.

Proverbs 2525 few pages over verse 11.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of

silver. Sometimes that that fitly

spoken, that word fitly spoken is well timed.

Sometimes that word is yours, and it can go a long way in

helping your son or your daughter show honor when you see

your child show respect towards somebody else.

Whether your son is holding the door open for somebody or you

know, your daughter saying yes ma'am to a teacher or whatever

it happens to be, strike up the band.

Let them know that you noticed that, right?

Especially when they're young. Now, after a while, it gets to

the point where they should just know better, right?

And and you know, you don't get a cookie for saying yes ma'am

when you're 12 years old. They're holding the door for a

lady, right? Congratulations, here's your

cookie. You're 18, but you did a

wonderful job holding that door for that Lady, right?

At that age, you expect them to do those things.

There's other things that you can notice and other things that

you can praise them for besides the things that they ought to be

doing all the time. But especially when they're

young and you're trying to teach them these things.

Those are important things to make sure that you know, to make

sure that they know that you noticed that they did those

things the right way. Our world praises disrespect.

That's one of the reasons why there's so much of it today, you

know, and, and in their immaturity, peers often praise

disrespect as well. You know, when a kid is, is

saying something to a teacher or, you know, being

disrespectful to a teacher and the other kids in there videoing

it and all the rest of them are laughing about it and everything

else. I mean, they're praising that

disrespect, right? They're, they're, they're

showing everybody that they think it's funny and that, you

know, they're encouraging that behavior.

So when your child has you on one hand always on his case,

telling him how disrespectful he's become, and then he has

friends that are, you know, praising him for standing up for

himself or showing him who's boss, or, you know, his friends

are going to to praise him for all these things.

That motivation is going to be a lot more powerful.

Them their friends praising them for for the disrespect is going

to be a lot more powerful than you always criticizing them for

that disrespect. Hope it makes sense.

But that doesn't mean that correction isn't important.

We already established that. But if you tolerate, you know,

your teenager talking back or ignoring those boundaries,

you're wrong and you're hurting them.

But at the same time, if you think you can develop, develop

respect by correction alone, then you're also wrong.

Praise reaches further than correction many times,

especially as children grow into their teen years, you know, they

need a lot of correction. And there's so many things that

they do where you're just like, I've told you this 1000 times.

Why are you still not doing what you're supposed to do?

Or why you, why are you still doing things that you're not

supposed to do? And so when they finally do it,

you're like, finally you, you should have done that.

That's what you should have been doing all along.

But you think about the the way that, the way that you train a

dog, right? What is the what is the best way

to train a dog? Now, obviously they need to be

smacked on the nose when they, you know, go to the bathroom in

the house, right? Smack them on the nose and take

them outside. But then they go to the bathroom

in the yard and what do you do? Oh, you're such a good boy.

Oh, so, you know, wonderful about treating your kids like a

dog every now and then. All right, let them know that

you that they that they did what you wanted them to do.

Show them that praise. Give them the reward of your

noticing that they did what you wanted them to.

Do You think about that in your life.

Who do you? Who do you strive the hardest to

please? A boss that is constantly on

your case, telling you everything that you're doing

wrong, or a boss who mostly praises you for the things that

you do right. Right.

I'll tell you what happens when you have a boss that praises you

for doing what's right. It's much easier to take the

criticism from that boss, right? That boss comes to you and says,

hey, you need to do this differently.

Then you're like, yes, Sir, I'll do it differently.

I just want you to be pleased, right?

My father-in-law was that way when I was an assistant pastor

for him. And I can always tell when he

was about to get on me because he would say, this is exactly

what I would tell my own sons. And I'm like, OK, what did I do

wrong this time? You know, but but I, I, I

appreciate it so much the way that he led and the way that he

praised the things that I did right, that when he came to me

and said, you need to do this differently, I had no problem

with that. No problem changing the things

that he wanted me to change and do differently because I knew

that if I did them right, I was, he would notice it and, and,

and, and he would honor that, you know that or, or at least

notice that respect and it's not respect necessarily that I was

giving, but whatever it happened to be.

Hey, I really appreciate how you do this and I really appreciate

how you do that and I really appreciate your attitude.

And sometimes I didn't have the greatest attitude when I would

go in there, sit down at the desk and, and, you know, we

talked and, and he would tell me all these things that are wrong

and we would have discussions and I would say, well, here's

why I'm doing it this way. Don't you think that this would

end? He allowed some of those

discussions, but then he would say, no, that's not the way

we're going to do it. We're going to do it this way.

And then, you know, he could tell that I wasn't real happy.

And he'd say, I really appreciate your attitude on

this. I really appreciate the way you

have such a good attitude. And I'm like, all right, how can

you have a bad attitude when you're saying that, You know?

But again, that's what I'm saying.

Praise is a powerful motivator when it comes to your children,

right? And, and it's a powerful

motivator for you. So imagine how much more it can

be for your kids who are just many times just trying to please

you. So you should be on constant

lookout for opportunities to praise that obedience, praise

that respect, especially in situations where it would have

been very easy for your children to not have that respect or to

disobey. Point out to your children that

you know it isn't easy to show respect, but that you're proud

of them for doing it. So praise your children for

respect. But I would say this also reward

your children for respect. Turn over to Psalm 84.

I think it's important to verbally praise them when they

show respect. And maybe occasionally you can

consider giving them something that's kind of a reward to show

them that you noticed their good attitude.

I think this is especially important for the younger kids,

but it's but, but, but for the older kids as well, because, you

know, they have attitudes when they're younger, but they have

attitudes when they're older too.

And especially when they get into those teenage years and

there's a, there's a fight that takes place, especially for

young men, but there's a fight that happens because from the

moment your kids are born, they needed you, right?

They can't change their own diaper when they're a month old.

They scream, they cry, they need you.

You go change the diaper, they scream, they cry, you go feed

them. They need you.

They scream, they cry and you give them a bath and you get

them clean and now you can snuggle with them and everything

else. They need you all right.

But when they start getting 12131415 years old, they don't

need you anymore, right? You're not changing their

clothes for them. I hope you're not doing their

laundry for them, making their beds and doing all of those

things. But what happens is parents,

especially mothers, still need to be needed.

Young men especially, but even young ladies are growing into

that independence where they're saying, I don't need you

anymore. I can do this on my own.

And so a fight happens. The parents are like, you're not

going, you're not going to be independent.

I'm going to still keep doing everything for you.

And the kid is saying, I don't need you.

I've got my independence. I need my independence.

I can do this on my own. And that's where the fight takes

place. And if the parents don't handle

that transition the right way, it can very easily turn into

rebellion, can very easily turn into disrespect.

And many times it's the parent that causes that to happen

because you didn't give them the independence that they were.

You know, a bird needs to leave the nest, right?

I mean, you don't have 15 grown bald eagles in a nest.

There's a reason why, right? They're made to fly.

They're made to go out and be on their own.

It's the job of the mother to make sure that the child is

prepared to go out on his own and to have that independence

and make sure that he's prepared to not get eaten the second he

flies from the nest and to be able to handle gathering his own

food and all of those things. That's the job of the mother, to

make sure that that young, that young eaglet can do that.

But at some point, it's time to kick him out and let him fly,

right? You cannot keep them in the nest

forever, and so you have to let them go.

Now, how you do that many times determines whether they rebel.

But that's a lot of times why young people do rebel, because

you're holding on so tight because you need to be needed.

And they're pushing away so hard because they need their

independence. And that's where the fight takes

place. And that's many times where the

attitude comes in and the rebellion comes in and

everything else. Just give me my independence.

I can handle it. No, you can't have your

independence. I need to be needed.

How you handle that transition many times determines whether

they're going to rebel or not. Now that's that's completely on

them. They shouldn't rebel even if you

don't give them the independence that they want.

But at the same time, many times that's what brings it about.

And so we should many times give our children that verbal praise,

but at the same time, we should also be looking for things that

we can do to give them as a way to say, I appreciate your good

attitude. Our heavenly Father rewards

obedience. We should do the same thing.

It's Psalm 84, verse 11. For the Lord God is a son and

Psalms 84:11

shield. The Lord will give grace and

glory. Look at this.

No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

You take the opposite of that, then you can say that God does

uphold some withhold some things from people who don't walk

uprightly. So he gives us rewards, if you

will, for walking uprightly, for doing it his way, for doing what

he wants us to do. So if God does that, and there's

a lot of other things, I mean, look, the the crowns that we

earn in heaven, those are rewards for living for him,

right? There's going to be people who

don't get those crowns because they didn't live the way that he

wanted them to live. So the fact that God does it for

us, we ought to be doing that for our children.

When your child is respectful to an authority figure, commend

them for that. They need you to provide that

affirmation and that encouragement.

So reward respect. Here's #3 show respect.

Show respect. Turn over to Romans chapter 13.

Romans 13 · chapter mention

Not only should you expect and reward respect from your

children, but you should model that respect for them.

As they see you respecting others and honoring others,

they'll see that respect isn't just something that's required

of them because they're a child. It's it's a lifelong virtue.

Respect is something that does not end when you turn 18.

Respect is something that, that that should go with you for the

rest of your life. Every one of us who are in

authority are also under authority.

Romans chapter 13 and verse #1 Let every soul be subject unto

Romans 13 · chapter mention

the higher powers, for there is no power but of God.

The powers that be are ordained of God.

Whosoever therefore resisteth the power resisteth the

ordinance of God, and they that resist shall receive to

themselves damnation. Now, these verses are referring

to civil authority, but they point out that even as adults we

have somebody that's in authority over us.

And as parents model the respect to authorities that are in their

life or to anybody in general for that matter, they're

teaching their children the value of respect and how they

should give it to others. Show your kids what it looks

like to give respect. There's five areas I think that

that we can show respect. And so first of all, it's to the

authority of Scripture. Turn over to 1st Corinthians

Chapter 11. We should be giving respect to

the authority of Scripture. Our ultimate authority is God.

You might be the president of the United States, and that's

kind of considered the top of the power world, right?

The most powerful nation in the world, the most powerful man in

that nation. Nobody is greater than the

president of the United States on earth.

Well, whether that's true or not, you still have God as your

ultimate authority. So you're under authority no

matter what. Even if you have all the

authority, you are still under authority.

You come down to our level. We have a lot of authority over

us, right? But our ultimate authority is

God. When we seek out what His Word

has to say in any area of our lives and then obey His

instructions, we're demonstrating to our children

that we are putting ourselves under the authority of

Scripture. By the way, here's the dangerous

thing. When you bring your children to

church and they hear me preach the messages from God's Word.

And that's one of the reasons I use so many verses in the Bible.

It's not my authority, it's the Bible's authority.

And they hear the same messages that you hear, and then you go

home and you do things that go directly against God's Word.

You're tearing down your own authority at the same time.

And don't think that your kids don't notice that we just heard

that on Sunday and pastor preached against that and we're

doing it. Is this right?

They know it's not. They know it's not, it's a great

position to put yourself in because what you're doing is, is

essentially holding yourself accountable, but it's holding

you accountable. And So what you hear in messages

and what you listen to in church and all of those other things,

when you, when you see that it's from the Word of God, it's

important that you do it because your kids are watching.

And we have a responsibility to respect the authority of the

Scriptures. And if we read it in the Bible,

then we ought to be doing it. In fact, any authority that we

have in the home comes from God. And so the apostle Paul stressed

to the people that he led that they were to follow him as he

followed the Lord. First Corinthians Chapter 11 and

1 Corinthians 11 · chapter mention

verse #1 be you followers of me even as I also am of Christ.

Now turn over to Deuteronomy 17. I want you to see this as well.

God instructed the Old Testament kings of Israel to show honor to

His Word, and He told them that doing that would have a direct

bearing on their children's continuing in God's Word

themself. What the king does is many times

what the followers of that king are going to do, right?

I think it's true in a church what the pastor does and what

the pastor allows many of the people in the church are going

to do and allow. But taking it down another step,

what the Father does in the home, you are essentially saying

this is OK and you're allowing the children to do that.

So whether you are showing respect to the authority of

God's word or not is going to determine whether your children

show the respect to the authority of God's word or not.

And that's why I say it's so important this, the whole

purpose of this point is to say that you need to show respect

because you are a model to your children and how you handle the

Scriptures and how you handle the respect of the authority of

Scriptures is many times going to determine how your kids

handle the authority of the scriptures.

And I'll tell you what happens. Many times his parents are like,

well, I know that's what the Bible says and I know that's

what the pastor said, but we, and guess what your kids are

going to do for the rest of their life?

The exact same thing. Well, I know that's what the

Bible says, but I right, you make an excuse, your kids are

going to make an excuse for why they can't follow it either.

Deuteronomy 17, and verse #18 And it shall be when he sitteth

upon the throne of his Kingdom, that he shall write him a copy

of this law in a book, out of that which is before the Priest,

the Levites, And it shall be with him, and he shall read

therein all the days of his life, that he may learn to fear.

The Lord is God to keep all the words of this law and these

statutes to do them, that his heart be not lifted up above his

brethren, and that he turned not aside from the commandments to

the right hand or to the left, to the end that he may prolong

his days in this Kingdom, he and his children in the midst of

Israel. The king was actually to make a

painstaking copy of God's word for himself.

Show your children what it looks like to give honor and reverence

to the written word of God. Teach them to respect every word

of God, but even the physical copy of God's Word.

Your Bible ought to be something that you protect at all costs.

I've told you this before this I got this Bible in 1998.

I use it for everything. I take care of it.

That's why it still looks like it's in this shape.

It's not unread. I take care of it because it's

God's Word and it's a, it's a physical copy of God's Word,

yes. And we can go buy a bunch of

copies of God's Word. We can get it.

But this is something that we ought to show the ultimate

respect to. You would never let your kids

throw a flag around. You'd never let them just throw

it under a pile of clothes or throw it on the floor or any of

those other things, right? And yet we show many times more

respect for the American flag than we do for the Bible.

Yes, I did. I've had this as a, as a rule

in, in my life for a very long time.

I don't set my Bible on the floor.

I don't put it under my seat. It goes on the top of the stack.

If I'm carrying a pile of books and I got a little tiny book

underneath of it, it's going to be underneath of it because the

Bible sits on the top. I respect God's word and I want

my kids to respect God's word. And I want you to respect God's

Word. I know it's just a written copy

of it. And we are blessed in America

that we can go get a ton of copies of God's Word anytime we

want. In fact, I think I have probably

35 or 40 Bibles myself, all different study Bibles and

everything else. This is God's Word and I want to

respect it and I want to show my children that I respect it.

And I want them to see me reading the Bible.

And I want them to understand that it's important for them to

read the Bible and not just read it, but follow it and live it

and obey it and treat it as something that is sacred because

the IT is sacred. It's God's word to us.

And it's very, very important that we do that.

You do that with your words, yes, but you do it more

significantly with your actions. How you make God's word a

priority in your own life. Reading it, teaching it to your

family during family devotions, bringing your Bible with you as

you faithfully attend the church.

Those are those are things that are showing your children the

importance of respecting the authority of God's Word.

Your children are going to learn to esteem the Word of God highly

as well as you esteem the Word of God highly.

So we ought to be showing authority, Respect, sorry to the

authority of Scriptures, but also respect to your spouse.

Turn over to Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

I think the greatest gift that a father can give to his children

is to love their mother and vice versa, the greatest gift the

mother can give to her children is to love their father.

When you honor your spouse, you are modeling your children the

respect that they need for a healthy marriage.

You know, one of the, one of the one of the biggest things that

determines whether somebody is is happy or miserable in their

life is who they marry. Especially if you are a

Christian and divorce is out of the option for you.

You're going to stay with the person you married.

But if it's miserable, everything's going to be

miserable. And I know many times we, well,

you don't understand what I have to deal with my husband.

You don't understand what I have to deal with my wife.

Never fill in the blank. You can come up with all the

excuses that you want to, but you have to determine that

you're going to make it work and you have to work out what you

need to work out. Listen, if your wife needs to be

treated like a queen in order for her to start treating you

like a king, then start treating her like a queen.

Many times what happens in a relationship is a husband

doesn't want to start treating his wife the right way until she

starts treating him the right way, and she doesn't want to

treat him the right way until he starts treating her the right

way. So then they both treat each

other like dirt and they're miserable.

You know, one of these days your kids are going to be gone and

the only thing you're going to be left with is your spouse.

And if you don't develop that relationship with them while

your kids are at home, by the way, your kids are not the most

important thing in your home. Your kids are not the most

important thing in your home. Your spouse is the most

important thing in your home. And if you have a choice between

spending time with your kids or spending time with your spouse,

you better spend time with your spouse.

I think you ought to spend time with your kids too.

But you get 18/20/25 years depending on how many kids you

have of your children being in the home.

And then they're gone. And I always used to wonder, how

in the world can you be married for 25 or 30 years and then go

get a divorce? Can't you figure it out by now?

You've been there 30 years. You can't.

I mean, you can't just work out the differences, right?

But I'll tell you what happens. For 25 of those 30 years, maybe

more, there was kids there and the kids were everything.

It was the priority. Kids, kids, kids, kids, kids,

kids, kids. Then the kids are gone.

It's an empty nest. And the only thing that you have

left is this person that you have no idea who they are

because you never spent any time together.

And now you're trying to relearn each other again.

And you're like, who is this person?

I don't know how I ended up with him 25 years, but you don't, you

don't even know him. And you know, obviously people

in the world who don't have that commitment because of the word

of God to the marriage or they're saying, I don't even

know this person anymore. I'm, I'm, I'm out, they go get

divorced and they've been married 2530 years because they

put the kids first. The kids were the priority, not

the not the marriage, not that, not that relationship.

The thing is, when you have a loving marriage, you're going to

love your kids. It's better than you would if

you didn't have a loving marriage.

Because what happens is husband gets all frustrated because his

wife is not what she wants him to be.

And wife is all frustrated because he's not what she wants

him to be. And I say that backwards.

I don't know either way. You understand what I'm saying

that the, the husband and wife are both frustrated and many

times they take it out on the children, right?

Because they're mad. They're, they're not getting

what they want. They're not getting what they

need. And they're not, you know, they,

they don't love me the way that I need to be loved and he

doesn't love me and blah, blah, blah.

And, and then they then the kids are out there fighting and they

blow up. And then the kids are the ones

that suffer for it because you have a horrible marriage.

One of the best things that you can do for your kids is to love

your spouse. That's a that's a tremendous

gift to give them because not only are you modeling what it is

to have a healthy marriage, to have a godly marriage, but

there's peace in the home. And when there's peace in the

home, the kids grow up in a great environment.

And the only way that happens is by you showing respect to your

spouse. That's how it happens.

Ephesians chapter 5, because the Scripture actually commands us

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

respect from both wives to husbands and husbands to wives.

Ephesians chapter 5 and verse #33 nevertheless, that everyone

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

of you in particular particular so love his wife even as himself

and the wife see that she reference her husband.

That's respect from the husband to the wife, and that's respect

from the wife to the husband. All right?

It's exactly the way that it should be.

Turn over to first Peter chapter 3.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

First Peter, chapter 3. Likewise he husbands dwell with

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

them according to knowledge, talking about the wives giving

honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, as being heirs

together of the grace of life. That your prayers be not

hindered. 1 Psychologist and a marriage counselor even

suggested that if he sees one or both of the spouses in a

marriage showing contempt to one or the other, he considers that

to be the greatest indicator that the marriage is in trouble.

And you might think that everything's fine, everything's

fine on the outside, but you show contempt to your husband or

to your wife, that's a great indication that your marriage is

in trouble. That's a complete lack of

respect. And not only are you not

modeling respect to your children, if contempt is the

greatest predictor of divorce, then respect should be the

greatest strengthener of a healthy marriage.

Not only are are you undermining your own authority by not

showing respect and, and being a bad example to your children

about what respect should be. Why would you want to live a

miserable life? Why would you want to let you

know that you're going to be together for the rest of your

life? Why would you want to live the

next 25 years miserable? Would you just get to the bottom

of it and, and, and humble yourself and start showing

respect to your spouse and just learn how to get along?

I, I heard a story. There was a wife who was trying

so hard to please her husband, but anything she did, he was

never happy. And you know, that included how

she made his breakfast. He, she, she made him eggs

basically every morning because that's what he liked.

And one day she would scramble the eggs and he would come in

and get mad. I don't want these scrambled.

I wanted these fried. So the next day she would fry

the eggs and he would come in and he said, I don't want these

fried, I want them scrambled. So she said, all right, I'm

going to get him the next day. She made one scrambled and one

fried, and he sat down at the table and he said, you scrambled

the wrong egg. It's very easy.

You know, sometimes we're ridiculous in our in our

disagreements with our spouses. And the danger is that our

children pick that up. Not not just the ridiculous of

that, but the disrespect of it. If a dad is constantly

belittling his wife, should he be surprised that when his son

gets to be a teenager, he's disrespectful to his mother?

It's not a surprise at all if you're belittling the same woman

that he is disrespecting. You disrespected her long before

he started doing it, so why would he show respect to his

mother if his father is not even showing respect to his mother?

You are that model and that's why I say it's so important.

Vice versa, right? If a if a wife is not showing

respect to her husband, then why would you expect that the

daughter is going to show respect to her father later on

or the son respect to his father later on?

My mom doesn't even respect my dad, why should I show him

respect? Parents have to model respect to

one another if they want to teach their children to respect

their parents. Turn over to Acts chapter 5.

Acts 5 · chapter mention

We should model respect. Show respect to the authority of

Scripture to your spouse. Let's say this number three, we

should show respect in society. We're commanded to honor

government authorities. Sometimes it's difficult, but

Romans chapter 13 we already we already read a couple of those

Romans 13 · chapter mention

verses, but it teaches us that the authorities are placed in

our lives by God and we ought to teach our children to respect

and obey law enforcement officers to obey elected

officials, right? That's, that's one of the

reasons why so many of these people are bringing all these

things on themselves when it comes to their problems, right?

They have 0 respect for law enforcement, man, I'll tell you

this, number one, I'm not doing things to break the law to have

an interaction with a law enforcement officer anyway.

But I can promise you, if a law enforcement officer told me to

do something, I'm going to do it, right?

All these things that are happening, that that blow up,

that 'cause these people to go, you know, blow cities up and

burn them to the ground is because they don't know how to

respect authority. A police officer told them, hey,

stop jumping on my car. And they got all mad about it

because they don't know how to obey and they don't know how to

show any respect, right? And then it turns into all of

this. I mean, it's just, you're seeing

it. It's what you, what you're

seeing in a lot of these cities, especially these big mobs of

these people that are just going through.

And you saw a lot of it during COVID, especially.

But you know, Antifa and all of these, these groups that are

just going through and just decimating a city.

It's, it is the product of the disrespect culture that has been

allowed to develop for a long time.

And when we don't show respect to authority, then that

authority, we're tearing down our own authority too.

So as the leadership in our nation becomes increasingly

defiant against God and hostile toward the truth, it's sometimes

a challenge for us to honor them.

But we have to honor them. We should never waver in our

biblical positions. If they are trying to, you know,

forced abortion or homosexuality or transgender or anything, any

number of these other issues on us, then we have a duty to stand

up against those things, right? We obey man as they obey God,

right? I would rather obey God than to

obey man. That's what that's what Peter

said, right? And I think that's true.

We, but we should pray for those who are in authority and honor

and respect their office. Acts chapter 5 and verse #29

Acts 5 · chapter mention

Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said we

ought to obey God rather than men.

So that's the first thing that we have to establish.

Truth comes over government. Truth comes over government.

Bible principles come over government.

But let's turn over to first Timothy chapter 2.

1 Timothy 2 · chapter mention

First Timothy chapter 2, verse #1 I exhort, therefore, that

1 Timothy 2 · chapter mention

first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and

giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings, and for all that

are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life

in all godliness and honesty. For years now we've been praying

in our devotions every night for whoever the president of the

United States is. And actually, many times the

kids still pray for Joe Biden to be saved.

He's still, he's a former president who needs Christ, and

I know he doesn't have any authority and he probably

doesn't even have any mental ability anymore, but he still

needs to be saved. And I don't have to like what he

does, but I'm commanded to pray for him.

I'm commanded to go before God and offer supplications,

prayers, intercessions, giving of thanks for all men, the Bible

says. And then he very specifically

says for kings and for all that are in authority, that we may

lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.

Hey, political activism is, is nothing wrong with that.

Being involved in politics is is a good thing in a lot of ways.

But the way that we're really going to see this nation come

back to Christ is not our political activism.

It's not Turning Point USA, It's not all these conservative

groups that are getting started. It's seeing them come to Christ.

You want to live a quiet and peaceable life?

Yeah. Do what you can to influence

policy. Do what you can to influence the

politicians who have the the votes that are going to

influence policy, but pray for them.

That's what God says, pray, pray for kings, pray for all that own

authority so that we can live a quiet and peaceful life.

Do what we can, but a lot of it rests on prayer and we need to

make sure that we're doing that. And by the way, turn over to

Proverbs chapter 16. Another group of people in

Proverbs 16 · chapter mention

society that we should honor is the elderly.

I'll let you decide where elderly is because it's getting

elderly is getting older and older, and I'll tell you that

much. It used to be 60.

Now it's more like 85 or 90, but here's what the Bible says.

The Hori head, the white hair, Proverbs 1631.

The Hori head is a crown of glory if it be found in the way

of righteousness. I tell you what, especially in

church, you ought to teach your kids to respect their elders.

Now, you can always tell the kids who are taught respect at

home and taught to respect their parents because they usually

treat the rest of the people that are older than them the

same way. But I think it's important.

Help them write a note to an older godly person in the

church. Thank them for their

faithfulness, right? Notice and thank veterans for

their sacrifice. We do that often.

You know, you see a veteran, he's wearing a cap and you say

thank you for your service, you know, pay for their meals.

When I see police officers sitting in a, in a restaurant is

if I, if there's any way that I can do it, I pay for their

meals. They don't even know who did it.

They don't need to know who did it.

They're just showing respect to the people in our society, the

people who are doing things for us.

But be honoring of your parents in front of your children,

right? It's it's very easy to criticize

your parents a lot of times for things that they did that were

not right. That's their grandparents.

It's their grandparents, right? There were things that my

grandparents did growing up that I had no idea about because my

parents didn't talk about it. I didn't find out till years

later. There were things that I'm like

when I didn't even know that they were, we loved our

grandparents and we we thought they were the greatest things

that ever walked on earth because that's the way my

parents treated them. And they gave them that respect,

at least in front of us. I don't know what happened

behind closed doors, but at least in front of us, they gave

them that respect. And, and that's the way we ought

to do it if we're if we, if you want to be respected yourself,

then you have to give respect because when you tear somebody

else's authority down, you are tearing your own authority down

at the same time. Turn over to Philippians

Shepherd too. I'm not going to make it all the

way through this. We'll save some of this for next

time, but we're coming to a close here because you ought to

show respect not only to the authority of Scripture, not only

to your spouse, not only in society, but also in the church.

We're commanded to give honor and deference to others in the

church. Philippians chapter 2 and verse

Philippians 2 · chapter mention

#3 Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory, but in

lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than

themselves. Let's look at Romans chapter 12.

Romans 12 · chapter mention

Romans chapter 12 verse #10 Be kindly affectioned 1 to another

Romans 12 · chapter mention

with brotherly love in honor, preferring one another.

Now there would be no disputes in the church if we would follow

just these two verses about brotherly love.

If you in honor prefer somebody else, you'll never have a

dispute with them because, Oh well, I mean, that's what they

decided to do. Let them do it right.

Let each esteem other better themselves.

Look for ways to show appreciation and care for others

in the church. Don't allow offenses to build in

these relationships. Your children should see that

you value your church family. I'll be honest with you, I know

a lot of people. I know a lot of people, but

there's nobody that I'd rather be around than the people that

are sitting in front of me right now.

And my friends, my, my true friends, 90, probably 98%,

probably 99% of my friends are people that I've gone to church

with either here or in in Chesterfield or in Indiana. 99%

of my friends are in church or I made in church, I should say.

Many of them are in church. But you know, our church family

is, is very, very necessary. This is a whole group of people

and, and it's a family of families, but it's a whole group

of people that are going in the same direction that you should

be going in. You need that encouragement, you

need that fellowship. You need to have a group of

Christians that you are going forward with.

It's a whole lot easier. Could you imagine if you were

trying to do the Christian life on your own, if you didn't know

any other Christians and you were just trying to struggle

through this by yourself, Could you imagine what that would be

like? That would be difficult.

But we take for granted so often that we can come to church every

Sunday morning, every Sunday night, every Wednesday night,

that we can be together, that we can gather around God's Word and

be encouraged to go out and do more for the Lord.

And when you know that there's a bunch of other people walking

out that heard the same thing you heard and are going in the

same direction that you're going in and are trying to live for

the Lord, that's an encouragement because there's

not a lot of churches out there that are doing it.

There's not a lot of Christians out there that are doing it

anymore. We need each other.

We need the church. And it's important that we show

that respect. The Bible instructs Christians

to respect those that are in the church.

And also the Bible instructs us to respect the office of the

pastor. Turn over to Hebrews chapter 13,

Hebrews 13 · chapter mention

the word remember that we read here in Hebrews chapter 13 means

Hebrews 13 · chapter mention

to acknowledge. In this case, it's to

acknowledge the spiritual authority of the pastor.

And listen, I didn't ask for this position.

God called me to be a pastor. I would much rather sit in a

corner somewhere and let somebody else do all the work.

It's a lot of work. It's a lot of it's a lot of a

lot more heartache than what people realize.

There's a lot of things that a pastor deals with in a church

that most people have no idea about, not the least of which is

a tremendous, tremendous burden and a responsibility to make

sure that this church goes in the right direction.

And when you start getting off of that direction, it's my job

and it's my responsibility to bring you back.

And that's not my personality. I don't, I don't like doing

that, but I have to. I'm commanded to do that.

And I know that that, you know, messages that I preach that I

don't, I don't hold back when I preach many times because I'm

not afraid of you as much as I'm afraid of of God.

But that's never been my personality.

And it's a very difficult thing for me to do to preach a hard

message because I know that there's going to be people that

don't like it. And I know there's going to

people that are going to get mad.

And I know there's going to be people that are, you know, going

home and talking about me and my message and everything else.

And, and I don't really care really doesn't bother me that

much. Talk about me all you want.

I don't care really. I mean, I'm not there to hear

it. So who cares, right?

But at the same time, at the same time, I know that that some

of that happens. And there's times when I have

things written down in my notes to say.

And I'm like, I know if I say this, I know that person is

going to get upset. I know they are not going to

like that. And there's times when I wrestle

back and forth in a message while I'm preaching should I say

that or not? And all the way until I get to

that point, I'm wrestling with it.

And 99% of the time I say it because God gave it to me and I

believe it needs to be said. But at the same time, the Bible

says this in Hebrews 713 and verse #7 remember them which

have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God,

whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation.

See, one of the most profound ways that you can help your

children is by having a good relationship with your pastor.

I want to have a good relationship with you.

I do. I want you to come talk to me.

I want to help you spiritually. That's what my job is.

That's that's that's part of my position is to help you.

I can't help you if you don't want help because I can come to

you and I can say you need to change this and you need to stop

doing that. But many times if I come to you

and do it, nothing's going to happen.

You're just going to get mad and leave, right?

If you come to me and say, pastor, what, what do you think

I can change? What do you think I need to do

differently? I told you this morning, my job

is to study my people. I know most of you better than

you think. I know you and I and I'm, I

don't say that in a prideful way at all.

It's not, it's not that. It's just that I care about you

and I want to see you do what's right.

And sadly, I think I want to see you do what's right many times

more than you want to see yourself do what's right.

And I want you to have God's blessing many times more than

you want God's blessing. I want to see this church be

successful for the Lord. I don't care what size it is.

We're not trying to build a big church.

Certainly bring more people in. It's great.

The more people you have, the more people that are serving the

Lord, the greater impact we can have in this community.

The important thing is not how big the church is.

The important thing is how spiritual is this church and how

spiritual are the people that make this church up.

And it's my job to get you from this level to this level.

And that's a hard thing to do. It's like pulling teeth

sometimes the easiest thing that you can do is just follow, just

obey the word of God. Just just do what's being

preached. And you're teaching that to your

children. You know, you go home and the

whole time you're on your way home, you're complaining about

the message. And oh, well, he said this.

But I know that, blah, blah. Listen, I know more than more

than anybody else in this auditorium that I'm not perfect.

And when I'm talking about the family, I know more than anybody

else that my kids are not perfect.

My wife is, but the kids are not right.

I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not up here because I'm perfect and I've got everything

figured out. I'm up here because God made me

do this. I didn't ask for this position,

but I'm trying to take us as a church forward.

And if you would follow and and I'm not, I'm not saying this

because you're not, I think the majority of you are, but as you

follow, not only are you an example to your children of how

to follow their pastor later on, whether it's me or somebody

else, it probably will be somebody else.

But how to follow the Lord and how to follow his leadership and

how to follow his will for your life and how to find what he

wants you to do. Those are those are the things

that I'm trying to, to, to help us as a church to do teach your

children to pray for their pastor.

I need prayer. You know, the devil attacks and

attacks and attacks. There's, there's somebody else

that'll come along and lead this church in a, in a, in a good

direction. If something ever were to happen

to me, God forbid that I fall into sin or something like that,

somebody would come in behind me and this church would go forward

because I think you, you're, you're a godly enough people

that you would, you would find the right pastor and get

somebody in this place. But this is where God called me

to be. And I plan to be here as long as

God keeps me here. And if that's 50 years, then I'm

going to do it. I don't have any plans to go

anywhere else. I'm not looking for a higher

position. I'm not looking for a church.

I'm not waiting for a call from a church with 200 people to give

me a promotion. I don't need a promotion.

I don't want to, I don't, I don't have any desire to be

anywhere else. So I'm going to be here forever

if this is what God wants me to do.

But that only happens by your prayers.

And you need to teach your children to pray for your pastor

because I need it. And, and, and this church needs

it. We, we are examples to our

children. And what you do, your kids are

going to do what you say your kids are going to say what you

allow, your kids are going to allow what you promote, your

kids are going to promote. What do you want your kids to

be? Because what you, whatever you

want your kids to be, you better be that.

If you wanted to be nominal halfway half hearted Christians,

then go be 1/2 hearted Christian if that's what you want your

kids to be. No, I'll tell you this.

If you're 1/2 hearted Christian, your kids are going to be 1/4

hearted Christian because they're not even going to get

that, that they're not even going to make it halfway if

you're just a halfway Christian. But if you're sold out for the

Lord and you're living your life to do everything you can to

please Him, then you're probably going to have kids that are not

only sold out for the Lord, but exceed us.

And that's what I want. I want our kids to grow up and

love the Lord just as much or more than we do.

I want them to accomplish just as much or more than we do.

Planting a church is not an easy thing at all.

Most of you are not here in the beginning, but what we're doing

is establishing something that hopefully will go on for many,

many, many years and many, many, many generations if the Lord

tarries. The sad thing is most churches

make it one generation and then they die.

This is not about, this is not about creating a legacy or

anything like that. I don't listen.

I said. I tell my wife this all the

time. Why?

Why do we even care about a legacy?

When I'm gone, I'm not going to know anything that you're doing,

right? You put a big statue of me out

in the foyer after I'm gone. I don't know it's there.

Who cares if it's there or not, right?

You have a big plaque with my name on it and all founding

pastor and all this stuff. You put it out in the foyer to

honor me after I'm gone. Who cares?

I'm I don't know that it's there, right?

Wherever I'm at, hopefully heaven trying to get there.

No, I know that I'm going to be in heaven.

But if I'm in heaven, listen, if I'm in heaven, I'm not going to

be worried about what's going on down here.

And the same thing for the, for the people who are in hell.

They're not going to care what's going on in the earth.

All the honor and the, and everything that they left behind

him and all people, you know, talking about all the good

things that they did and you're not going to know it.

It's not, it's not for those things.

It's not about those things. It's about what impact can we

make for Christ and how can we influence the next generation to

continue what we've started. That's the important thing.

That's what's going to last. Not my legacy or your legacy or

whatever you're leaving behind. Certainly I want to, I want to

leave an impact. Certainly I know I don't want to

live a whole life that that accounted for nothing.

But at the same time, it's not about that.

It's about the the legacy is who's coming behind us.

That's still continuing on who's who's coming behind us.

That's going to keep living for the Lord because we live for the

Lord and it and it all starts with us being the example in the

model and showing our respect to these different things.

And I'll just finish by saying this.

When it comes to being showing respect to the position of the

pastor, you know, I don't, I don't need to, I don't need to

help you figure out which car you're going to buy.

You don't need to come ask me. I don't, you don't need my

opinion on What Car to buy or what house to live in or any of

those kind of things. I'm not my, my job is not here

to, to micromanage your life and tell you what you need to do.

But I, but I will say this. When you have major decisions

that need to be made, it'd be wise to come talk to your

pastor. I'm not, I don't claim to have

all the wisdom or anything like that, but I do believe that God

gives wisdom to a pastor who who loves his people and cares about

his people. And you're about to make a

decision that's going to ruin your life.

I think you at least you ought to give me the option to say,

hey, you're going to ruin your life.

Don't do that. The church is what Christ gave

his life for. It's important.

The church ought to be important to you and it ought to be

important to your children. And I've said this many times

when I was growing up, I could count on one hand the number of

times I miss church. And I mean it.

We didn't miss and that's one of the greatest things that my

parents could do for me. My parents loved each other.

It's one of the greatest things that they could have done for

us. They gave us that godly

heritage. Were they perfect?

Not by any stretch. And there's things that my

parents did growing up that I said I will never do that in my

house. I'm never going to do that.

Take all the good things and make them stronger.

Take the bad things and throw them out and do do something

different with them, right? It's just the way it goes.

I'm not perfect and my kids are going to grow up and say I'm

never going to do that. Probably my my goal is to make

it so they can say, well, there was a couple things that I

didn't really like. But other than that, everything

they taught me is exactly what I want to do in my home.

I want my kids. I want my kids to want their

home to be exactly the way that our home is now.

I want I want my kids to grow up and say if we can have in our

home what we had growing up, then we'll be we'll be happy.

But that that that does not come an accident.

It's something that you have to try so hard at.

You have to you have to do everything you can to keep the

ungodly influences out. Put the godly influences in.

Make church your life. The church is not going to raise

your kids. You are.

But the more you have them around this and the more that

you have them around other Christians who are doing the

same thing, the better off you're going to be.

And you ought to give respect to your children.

I'll end with that. Your children deserve your

respect as well. Don't, don't demean them, don't

humiliate them. Don't be contemptuous toward

them. The Bible is very plain in

Ephesians that tells the fathers not to do those types of things

to your children, right? If you're always looking for

ways to laugh at your kids in front of everybody else, you're

going to teach them contempt, right?

Oh, you should have seen what my kid did today.

He was so stupid. I can't believe he did this.

I've made a point to never do that to my kids.

Now, sometimes I use them as an example, but you know, 10 years

later, not last week. And most of the time, they don't

even remember the things that I'm talking about.

But you, you ought to show your kids respect.

They deserve respect. They're humans too, all right?

Just because they're little humans doesn't mean that they

don't deserve respect. Go to treat them with respect.

First Thessalonians chapter 2 and verse #7 But we were gentle

1 Thessalonians 2 · chapter mention

among you. Even as a nurse cherisheth her

children, insisting on obedience and respect is very important.

And this is kind of the the the opposite of what we talked about

last week. Right, talking about being hard

and discipline, and you need that.

That's absolutely part of it. But the balance side of that is

the respect. And the respect only happens

when you show that respect. So demonstrating respect gives

your children a visible example to follow.

Both are equally important, discipline, obedience, demanding

that obedience and respect, but also modeling and showing that

obedience and that respect yourself.

Both of those are very, very important and they'll go a long

way in helping your kids to be what they need to be for Christ.

We're going to stop there. I've got another lesson that

I'll give you next week that will finish this out.

I don't it's, it's already late, but I hope it's a help to you

and I hope there's some things that you can take.

Let's pray and then we'll have a a short invitation and then

we'll finish out and be dismissed.

Father, again, we thank you so much for your goodness to us.

So thank you for the time we can spend together tonight.

So thank you for the opportunity we have to have so many families

in this church that have a desire to please you and live

for you. God, may our desire be strong

enough that it moves us into action for you.

God, may you help us to be people of respect, model those

things that we want our children to be and understand that what

we do, our children are going to do, what we allow our children

are going to allow. What we what we are strong on,

hopefully our children will be strong on as well.

God, may you make us strong in every aspect of our lives so we

can raise this next generation to continue on for you.

But thank you again for all you do for us.

In Jesus name, Amen, Let's stand.